How To Raise Your Kids To Be Independent: Claude Steiner's Ten Rules

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

There are two characters in the scenario matrix: Parent and Child. Transactional scenario analysis mainly deals with what children experience, but any adult who is familiar with the ideas of transactional analysis inevitably has a question: "How can I, as a parent, raise my children?"

What should children be taught? How to achieve discipline? What can you allow your child to do on his own? What to tell him and what not to say? In transactional analysis, prohibitions are considered harmful, but are all prohibitions harmful? How can we be sure that our feelings, thoughts and actions do not create a destructive life program in the child? How to give them enough autonomy, but not abandon them, depriving them of self-discipline, goals, values and ideals? How to raise children free, but not licentious?

The decision is based on the belief in human nature - that people, including children, are good from birth and, if given the opportunity, will behave well. Therefore, raising children, the main thing is to give them the opportunity to discover what they themselves want, and not to suppress their spontaneity and ability to learn and close.

1. Don't have a baby unless you're sure you can give him an eighteen-year guarantee of care and protection. Do your best to shorten the time your child is dependent on you by helping him become independent as early as possible.

2. The main goal of upbringing is to give the child the opportunity to fully manifest their abilities for intimacy, cognition and spontaneity. No other goal (discipline, good manners, self-control, etc.) can be put ahead of independence. It is permissible to strive for it, but only if it does not contradict the main goal - autonomy.

3. The capacity for intimacy is suppressed by the economy of stroking. Don't stop your child from expressing love or lack of love. Encourage him to give, ask, accept, and reject strokes and give strokes to himself.

4. Cognition is suppressed by ignorance. Don't ignore your child's logic, intuition, or feelings. Teach him to demand that his opinion be taken into account. Teach him to take into account the opinions of others. Respect your child's opinion.

5. Never lie to children. Neither directly nor by silence. If you want to hide the truth from him, say so and honestly explain why.

6. Spontaneity is suppressed by "rules for using your body." Do not regulate how your child moves, or how he uses his sight, hearing, touch, smell and taste, unless, of course, his actions violate your rights or pose a risk to himself - but even then you must behave in a cooperative spirit. Remember that you are stronger. Don't push. Do not listen to the "experts" (teachers and doctors): they were wrong before and will always be wrong. Your child's body is sacred. Never encroach on him. If this happens, apologize immediately, but do not go to the rescue to get rid of the feeling of guilt. Take responsibility for your actions and don't repeat your mistakes.

7. Don't save your child and don't haunt him. Don't do things for your offspring that you don't feel like doing. If it did happen, then don't chase him for it. Give your child the opportunity to take care of himself before “helping”.

8. Don't teach your child competitive behavior. Television teaches this enough. Better teach him to cooperate.

9. Don't let your children violate your rights. You are entitled to your own time, space, privacy. Demand that your child respect these rights, and he will do so out of love for you.

10. Believe in human nature. Trust in your children. When they grow up, they will reward you with their love.