2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
If you ask "why do you need a relationship?" you can often hear:
- to be loved
- not to be alone
If you start a relationship from these positions, you get a time bomb, namely:
- It is impossible to maintain a 24/7 state of love for one person
- The other was not born to close the partner's intrapersonal conflict
Many still somehow imagine a wedding and even a honeymoon, but living together completely and completely is already difficult.
Everything is illuminated with bright and warm light, only happiness and love!
But a relationship is primarily a meeting of two family systems. And when a woman or a man enters the family of another, they meet not only with cordiality and benevolence, but also with family secrets, ancestral prohibitions, limiting beliefs, dynamics and processes going through generations. And some of this may run counter to what is in your family, traditions and is supported.
Conflict is often viewed as something terrible and shameful. They say "I can't cope, I can't, I can't, they need to be hidden, they should be kept silent." But this is as it should be, because family systems through people come closer to each other. And the points of contact - and there are conflicts in which there is a lot of energy and strength. It can be directed either:
- for destruction
- for creation
If a woman or a man tends to avoid conflicts, exclude, live in a mask, then internal scrapping will begin very quickly. All life force is spent on maintaining illusions and escaping reality. And then comes the feeling of being lost, devalued and insignificant.
Because the longer a person holds on to claims and resentments towards a partner, the stronger the exclusion of reality and the sharper the feeling of unhappiness and loneliness.
What to do in order to regain self-worth in a relationship?
- Openly look at the existing conflict, and not exclude it
- To be open about the differences between yourself and your partner
- Openly look at the male or female strength of the inner aggressor in a partner
- Refuse to rescue a partner or family system
- Be able to openly look at a partner and his family system as it is, with all the secrets, prohibitions and restrictions
This will allow you to restore contact with reality, take off the masks, start growing out of consumer relationships, claims and grievances, that is, an absolutely childish position into an adult relationship.
A person's self-worth is destroyed when he is focused on another, on the search for mistakes and shortcomings from a partner, thereby betraying his interests and significance.
Self-worth and significance are not only fragile, but also living states, they grow with a person, and when a couple goes to the level of exchange, they only intensify
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