2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-11 11:16
Author: psychologist Natalia Kholina
Recently I was thinking about people experiencing difficulties in connection with separation from their parental family.
I will not go into details and describe here the peculiarities of families of such a warehouse. I will only note that in a number of cases it is the parental family system that prevents separation, or, at least, it hardly resigns itself and weakly helps children to leave it, to disconnect.
Usually, a child is so firmly and conveniently “built in” there that a short-sighted family has absolutely no reason to part with him (and in particular, with the role tasks, functions and symptoms assigned to him, as we understand it). But now we are not talking about that, not about interference …
Evolutionary separation - this is the task of children, regardless of whether they interfere in this process, or help. The external environment promotes or hinders. The only thing that can be added: if it interferes, at the wrong time, it encourages, or does not prepare enough for separation, the fate of children from such families is definitely unenviable.
They will definitely have hard times, and it is many times more difficult - up to unbearable - to solve this problem on their own, without the support of the clan …
This is how my metaphor was born, reflecting, it seems to me, the entire depth and significance of this event.
It seemed to me a tree, let it be an apple tree. Powerful, spreading, with a crown hung with ripening apples. The time comes for the bulk fruits to come off the branches. What fate awaits them?
The story of those who will fall closer to the roots is generally known and sad. In the shade of the parental branchy tree, there is little light, and the earth is pierced through and through with the roots of a tree that has been growing for many years, and is also exhausted by it.
Fallen at the foot, in the shade and roots, they gradually turn into humus, and not having time to germinate. If the seeds germinate, then the life of a young apple tree will most likely be short-lived. The trunk will remain thin and frail. And there is a high probability that without leaving behind any flowers or fruits, the sprout of a young tree will bend before the next spring begins to ring with rivulets.
In the best case (people usually call it luck), some squirrel will carry this fruit away, for example, where the dropped seed will have more chances to germinate, take root, gain strength and grow.
For the apple that rolls away further, the chances increase significantly. There, there is plenty of sunshine, and winds for endurance are in abundance (for it is also not easy for a special variety brought from the greenhouse to survive in harsh regions). And the land is not yet depleted, but is filled with everything necessary for woody life and fertility.
This is an evolutionary phenomenon, pushed and confirmed by nature from time immemorial: each new generation passes on what it has collected for life to its descendants. And not the other way around: everything that has been collected and created during life cannot, should not be buried together with the ancestors.
An apple orchard will not grow from an apple tree, all the fruits of which roll under the trunk, except that rot and midges will be divorced. And if it were so in the human world, all of us would not have been on Earth long ago …
What to do, apples have no feelings, no brains, no legs. And what will become of the apple orchard largely depends on external factors: climate, weather phenomena, terrain, the presence of squirrels nearby, pests or people caring for the garden.
Unfortunately, despite the presence of brains, opportunities for choice, free will and species complexity, people often do not take advantage of their advantages, but act against evolution, nature and themselves.
It is not surprising that the consequences of such a refusal are very sad, few people like it and give rise to more and more unpleasant consequences in the future …
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