Intersubjective Model Of Emotional Dependence

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Emotional dependence, on the one hand, is a very painful condition for those who live it, and on the other hand, it turns out to be an extremely accurate metaphor for the structure of subjectivity in general. A similar extrapolation has already been used in relation to paranoia and narcissism, when one of the forms of organizing personal experience made it possible to describe the general laws of the mental structure, even if this experience did not represent a clinic - psychotic or borderline, respectively. Let's try to make a similar transformation for the phenomenon of emotional dependence

Metaphorically speaking, the identified object of addiction, to which the addict's intentions rush, that is, the addict, is a beautiful wrapper stretched over the void. Emptiness here is not an evaluative category in relation to the object of addiction, but characterizes the fundamental gap that exists in the psyche of the addict. As well as in any other, which I will try to say later. This gap lies between the history of real relationships and the chaos of unconscious life, which is trying to shape with the help of this story. Of course, unsuccessfully.

This gap has long been a commonplace in attempts to describe the structure of subjectivity. The level of the conscious self, built in the form of a network of narratives, like earthly continents, floats on the surface of the liquid magma of unconscious activity and this crust, like the water lily in the fairy tale about Thumbelina, does not have a root that would connect these levels directly. Using the Lacanian concept, we can say that the conscious, as the layer of signifiers, does not have a strict connection with the layer of the signified, that is, the unconscious. Narratives refer to themselves rather than directly grow out of deep unconscious premises. If we consider the conscious as the visible part of the iceberg, then from this position, the underwater part disappears from it, to which you can turn, simply by moving in depth, or rather, this underwater part can be any other block floating in an arbitrary place.

Now let's get back, in fact, to the dependent relationship. If there is no relationship of determination between the conscious and the unconscious, when one directly determines the other, we need to look for another principle of their interaction. It seems to me that correlationism can act as such a principle - when something is combined with something by means of some rule set outside this system. And then the search for a rule, thanks to which the unconscious begins to correlate with the conscious, leads us in a logical way to intersubjectivity.

In this case, intersubjectivity will be understood as an unconscious connection between two subjects. In other words, how my own mental life will be "arranged" is determined by the correlation between the conscious and the unconscious, which is set by contact with another. The one with whom I enter into a relationship. In optics, the angle of reflection is equal to the angle of incidence; in psychic optics, the angle of reflection and, accordingly, the picture that will be phenomenally available is determined by the surface and the environment in which the light propagates, that is, intersubjectivity.

Now it becomes clear that the emptiness of the dependency object, which I talked about at the very beginning, has nothing to do with it, but is the property of the addict. The other, in this case, turns out to be a solution that creates an illusory experience of one's own integrity and, at the same time, due to the discrepancy between the desired and the actual, hints that I, as a subject, is initially split and incomplete. The phenomenon of dependence makes this state especially vivid, highlighting the most important moment of incongruity between the conscious and the unconscious - it is rare to find relationships that continue for a long time, despite the fact that being in them is accompanied by emotional suffering.

If the conscious and the unconscious do not correlate with each other, like pancakes in a pyramid, strung on a common rod, we need another topical dimension that would dialectically connect them, removing the contradictions of these seemingly diametrically opposite positions. The intersubjective turns out to be such a place - in it, on the one hand, a transcendental subject appears (as an illusory unity and integrity of mental life), and on the other, in the form of a colored wrapper around an empty space (symbolizing an imaginary relationship between the angles of incidence and reflection).

To simplify somewhat, the unconscious is reflected in the other and at an arbitrary angle falls into the conscious. When we build a “real” relationship with a partner, it seems to us that the most important thing in this relationship is a wonderful mirage on the horizon that we want to get closer to. But this is not the case. We are unconsciously attracted by an invisible atmospheric phenomenon, which creates a vivid illusion, because thanks to this imaginary presence we feel whole and equal to ourselves.

That is why, using the procedure of a typical ižek denial, I am ready to suggest that the phenomenon of emotional dependence, which describes a communication that, at first glance, goes beyond common sense - namely, that includes focusing on the object of attraction; maintaining relationships despite harmful consequences; withdrawal symptoms; fear of losing the object of dependence and so on and so forth - in fact, is just an exaggerated version of "normal" relationships. because only such a relationship can exist.

In other words, emotional addiction is not a variant of a bad or not very healthy relationship, despite the fact that traditionally the representation habitually marks this phenomenon as in need of correction. Rather, under the cover of emotional dependence, the possibility of a relationship in general is very hypocritically hiding - as if a wolf, disguised as a sheep, accused the shepherd's dog guarding the flock of malice. We can say that dependence is the basis of any relationship, since there is no way to hide from intersubjectivity - we need something else to complete our integrity, but this integrity turns out to be illusory and at the same time existentially necessary.