2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
"A pearl in a shell" or a child and his interaction with a parent who drinks … "Shell", in this context, is a psychological protection of a child from excessive internal pain, shame and worries …
What is the experience of a child whose parent regularly and systematically drinks alcohol? Or, as it is customary to say in a popular way, “thumps”, practically without restrictions …
A child, being next to such a person and in a similar situation, feels inner pain, constant tension, disappointment, anxiety, loneliness, fear, guilt, shame. And there are many more different emotionally painful shades in your soul …
How does a drinking parent affect the child? Destructive. The world is crumbling, there is no security in it.
Even if your closest and dearest adult is subordinate and dependent on something powerful, on the force that pulls him into spiritual emptiness and moral abyss …
After all, a parent for a child is, first of all, a protector, friend and guide to the complex world of other people and their social laws.
The successful emotional and intellectual development of the child, his basic trust in the world depends on the support of the parent.
If the child sees frequent conflicts in the family, feels constant stress and threat to his psychological comfort, and even physical, then “war” settles in his soul - an intrapersonal conflict. Which pulls the child into the funnel of negativity and makes it difficult to effectively live his age-related psychological stages of development.
A trauma arises in the child's soul, which can negatively affect his entire future life.
Then the child can choose the most stable figure in the family at that moment of life, the most sober, safe and adequate. And he enters into a closer emotional relationship with this figure, because the child needs to survive in this world. And without a stable figure, without someone on whom you can rely, when it is internally difficult for you, scared and a lot of incomprehensible - it is impossible to fully survive …
When there is a dependent parent in the family, the child practically becomes codependent. Not from alcohol, while small, but from emotional support, attention and care. He needs a warm, protective relationship.
In such a family, the child often feels abandoned and lonely. And … begins to take responsibility for stability in the family, for the parent. Then the family roles are confused and the child can become, as it were, a parent to his parents.
And this is fundamentally wrong … Then the childhood stage of growing up is artificially catalyzed and accelerated. It turns out a "little adult" who tries to keep the "family boat" afloat, otherwise it, under the influence of family storms, scandals and disagreements, will simply sink …
And the whole world in the child's mind will collapse. Because if the family, as its main value, is not stable, then what is this huge world with strangers around it ?!
The child is guided in such a situation by fear, he is afraid of losing himself and those close to him. Whom he loves anyway, because he has no parents and he does not know others. And for the slightest bit of attention and care from them, he is ready to be grateful to them and … to protect them in everything. After all, defending his relatives, he also protects himself, his fragile world.
Although, first of all, he should be protected and protected - a child with an unformed and immature psyche …
When a small seed-child, having not yet become a ripe fruit, is forced to perform adult family functions, then something is inevitably disturbed in his natural psychological development …
And then, later, such a child will have to restore his inner integrity bit by bit. And learn to see the world of relationships differently …
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