2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Emotional addiction: addicted mother and addicted daughter.
I'm talking about the time when my daughter is already an adult, let's say 20+ years old.
Which of them is emotionally dependent and does not allow the other to live?
In a situation there are two: a daughter and a mother, respectively, different options are possible between them of dependence and independence: a dependent mother is an independent daughter, a dependent daughter and an independent mother.
The most difficult situation of unhealthy relationships is when the mother is dependent on her daughter and the daughter is dependent on the mother.
Today I will tell you exactly about such a case when it was not possible to completely separate neither the daughter from the mother, nor the mother from the daughter.
Again, I'm talking about a situation where the daughter is an adult 20 +++.
How does a mother behave if she is dependent on her daughter?
- The mother, with varying degrees of annoyance, will meddle in her daughter's affairs, advise, insist that they act as she tells her to make decisions instead of her daughter.
- She can criticize and evaluate her man (if her daughter has one). She can even choose and recommend a man of her choice herself.
- Perhaps the mother will buy things without the consent of her daughter, in a variety of ways to return her to the state of a child dependent on her.
Mom cannot accept an adult daughter as an ADULT,
cannot let go of himself, from his care, cannot NOT control and NOT take care of her, CANNOT!
Mom is emotionally dependent on her daughter, she cannot tear herself away.
She plans her future with her daughter, plans to live with her and spend time with her.
She has few or no girlfriends of her own.
In this case, the daughter may also be insufficiently separated from the mother.
And with all the desire for independence, she does not find enough strength in herself to break away from her mother.
She can live separately in another city, but she can call her mother several times a day, talk for several hours, consult with her and only with her and resolve all issues.
Often the mother is the only friend of her daughter, and the daughter is the mother.
Between them there is often reproach, devaluation, guilt and resentment, criticism, dissatisfaction with each other in various forms.
And the daughter, with an apparent adulthood, completely makes claims to her mother and keeps long grievances from the past, which she gave and did not give in her upbringing and growing up, said wrong, etc.
They can demonstrate a very warm and heartfelt relationship in public, but in their hearts they almost hate each other and at the same time cannot find the strength to tear themselves away from each other.
They fail to build adult partnerships, communicate in moderation, at the level of You-adult and I-adult, and we are equal with each other.
The inequality is visible: in the life of the mother's daughter, there is more than her life.
And in the life of a mother, the life of a daughter is greater than her life. They are busy with each other's lives, not their own.
The daughter can also quite filter out the grooms of the mom and her girlfriends.
They interfere with each other and cannot tear themselves away from each other.
In conclusion, I can say that the stronger the bond between a mother and an adult daughter, the less chances a man has, both a daughter and a mother (in case of her loneliness).
If the mother is not alone, there is a weakening of the male role in her family.
The third between them is simply superfluous.
They feel good together, they are not separated, they are busy with each other, they have no time for men and girlfriends.
They have each other.
I draw your attention to this frequent symptom of codependent relationships, because it is in codependent relationships that addiction often arises.
Sincerely with you Tatyana Linnik psychotherapist, doctor.
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