A Person Comes To A Psychotherapist To Ask His Main Question

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Author: Anastasia Rubtsova

A person comes to a psychotherapist to ask his main question.

This question arises almost immediately. And then they try to return to it many times under different sauces.

"So what should I do now?" - this is how it sounds.

This question, by the way, is terribly afraid of novice psychotherapists. So they say - what if the client asks what to do? What if I don't know ?! And what should he answer?

This question is insidious.

Because imperceptibly pushes the psychotherapist into a hole, in which, if you are a professional, you should immediately know what to do to another, even if he did not tell you everything, and maybe he also didn’t tell you anything at all. Or maybe some things are impossible to tell, because there are no words for them in his vocabulary.

And if you don’t know what to do, then you are not a professional.

Again, I have read in some sources that "the client lures the therapist into a trap, trying to impose a parental position on him." Yes, not a client, not a client, but the question itself lures us there.

Language is our main trap.

Both, the client and the therapist, can easily fall into it. And then sit for a long time, lick the wounded paws.

Answering this main question is useless and even harmful.

No use - because, you might be surprised, no one ever follows advice. Every day we receive an armful of advice, sometimes really great, sometimes stupid and inappropriate. All of us, of course, can remember one or two really awesome and timely advice that we follow all our lives, but the daily armfuls also disappear somewhere (hint: look in the trash can).

And in general, there is no shortage of useful tips for all occasions on thematic forums. How to get a divorce, how to get pregnant, how to lose weight, how not to go crazy on maternity leave, how to fix brake pads, how to feed a unicorn.

But this is not, sorry, psychotherapy is trading.

Sometimes the opposite is very important.

Understand what: if you don't know what to do, then nothing needs to be done.

Anyway, at this moment.

Right now.

Maybe by this point you have already done a lot, but for some reason it only got worse.

Maybe you are faced with something fundamentally new. And the head still has little data, or those that are, have not yet had time to digest and fold into a ready-made pattern. This takes time.

Maybe you can objectively do little in your situation. For example, just "wait", maybe something will be clarified. Or "be patient." Or just “grieve”.

But very few people are satisfied with such an answer, and then the client invites the psychotherapist to become a respondent for all this vile reality.

(again, from a human point of view, I understand this very much and did it myself more than once. But such an offer for a therapist, to be sure, is unprofitable)

The client, however, is not looking for advice that will immediately be thrown into the trash, but space to think. So that you can have another person as a platform. Creative and safe.

On which you can dream and think.

This, I tell you, is a great thrill. Few things in life can compare with him.

And it happens that behind the question "what should I do, tell me what to do?" - there is such despair, such pain and horror, which there is simply no strength to survive alone. And the person asks not for advice, not for instructions, God forbid, but simply - so that someone alive was there and repeated many times that he would not drown in this horror, that this is not forever.

Someday there will be strength.

And then the meaning.

And then the plan.

In the meantime, there is no strength, nothing needs to be done. And it’s impossible.

So the answer to the question "what should I do now?" - always alone. Simple in form, difficult to execute.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Replace the hammer. Stop frantically clicking the bolt. Try to figure out which way the train is going, whether you are driving, what opportunities you have. And how much strength you have.

Because strategy without tactics is bad, but hustle and bustle without strategy is certainly a path to failure.

However, it is difficult to follow my rule, because this is how our psyche is arranged - “to do something” promises a quick release, relief, sensation. Here we are, we do not sit idly by.

(it's a shame, by the way, that the time it takes to comprehend and

analysis of the situation, in our language is called "sit back".

Hands are folded only formally.

In fact, the work is colossal, it is simply not visible from the outside)

OK.

In general, of course, I have advice in case it is unbearable to sit back.

Keep:

Walk a lot. A lot means a few hours a day. Fast, slow, never mind.

To cook. Thoughtfully. Breakfast lunch and dinner. First, second and compote. Calculate grams and half liters. Then set the table, wrap the knife and fork in a napkin. Then there is. Slowly.

Establish a regime. This is an exciting quest, because the unusual body usually resists. And we answered him - such a trick and something else. And it also cheats in response.

Spud potatoes.

Paint the fence.

Chopping wood.

Separate millet from rice.

In general, everything that takes up arms and legs, and gives the psyche freedom to think. Weigh it. And come up with.

In short, at some point you will be surprised.