2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The fact that the vast majority of clients come to therapy in anticipation of recommendations, motivation and advice will not be a secret for anyone. Because a therapist who speaks a lot and does not skimp on inspiring speeches, advice who can even scold and make ay-ay-ay with a finger is perceived, you know how? Correctly, as not indifferent, knowledgeable and very kind and good
But then a person sits down in a chair opposite the psychoanalyst and starting from the third or fourth session you won't get anything special from him, except for a couple of clarifications, short, even non-questioning phrases and numerous “uh-huh”. One client, in a fit of indignation, even asked where they taught this skill to "uguk" with different intonations and meanings)) In general, it turns out that the therapist looks (key word) cold and indifferent and generally not a pleasant person)
Imagine that you have come to a running workout and your goal is to learn how to run in 4 minutes instead of 13.5, which is now. Every workout, a kind trainer runs with you at a comfortable speed, talks to you about muscles, ankles, and you are happy and happy because you are not running alone. The speed, however, has increased in a couple of years to only 10 minutes, but you have fun chatting on the run. Perhaps not the closest analogy to therapy, but there will be one)
I always tell clients that they bring into therapy what they already know about themselves: fears, anxieties, craving for attention or warmth. Although these are painful and wounding topics, they are, to some extent, the safest. Because the client already knows about them. Therefore, to pick them up and work only with them is to state the presence of an iceberg right along the course, while not changing the course.
And what is important and hurts more is located deeper, much deeper in the subconscious. By definition, it simply cannot appear at the session immediately or at every fifth according to the schedule. This valuable is, for example, somewhere in the Mariana Trench. Not at the very bottom, of course, but somewhere along the way down. Lurking in the depths and waiting to be discovered. And you can only notice it by listening.
Not only to the client, but also to yourself. Therefore, the client will definitely put some of his unbearable (and therefore well hidden) into a therapist. And often this feeling needs time to mature, take shape, and give a sprout. After that, it will be possible to recognize and name it. And only after that it will be possible to think about him. To the therapist. Because it is important to understand not only what was placed and what was hidden, but also why. And this voyage between the feelings of the client and what is happening inside, again takes time and - silence.
Sometimes you need to listen for a very long time in order to understand what the client is not talking about. But this cannot be done in constant dialogue. How impossible it is to see the stained-glass window, standing close to it.
And if you think that the therapist can happily communicate about his find the moment he found it, then no. Because it was not in vain hiding so deeply and for a long time. It is important to wait for the moment. Sometimes it is possible to return what was found only in small parts, sometimes - only in hints. This is the only way to return those missing parts of life for which the client came.
Therefore, when the greats say that one session is enough, and then another six months later (control), do not worry. They simply do not have time to figure out the composition of the soil and the amount of groundwater under the layer of plants.
It doesn't matter how many clients have successfully completed therapy with your therapist before. It is important that every time it is a new method for a new person, for his feelings and fears.
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