2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The other day, a client, a 52-year-old woman, Elena, turned up with a request for low self-esteem.
From the anamnesis, she lived and was raised in a family where there was a tough and emotionally cold mother.
She constantly worked to feed two children and required her daughter to keep an eye on her younger brother. She divorced her husband when the client was three years old, could not forgive him for betrayal.
Mother demanded from her to fulfill various rules and duties. She constantly criticized her and depreciated that she was ugly, that she did everything slowly, that she was a slob, etc.
She demanded that she study for only A's, be at home on time, take her brother to the garden, and so on.
If Elena did not listen to her, then her mother did not speak to her for several days.
The internal conflict of this client was that she, as a child, could not satisfy her basic psychological needs for love, recognition, and care in the family.
At the age of 20, she married a military man, with whom she traveled around half of Russia in the garrisons and who, too, practically does not need her. He is constantly rude to her, does not appreciate, swear, drinks hard, believes that she is inventing all the problems and is “mad with fat”, sometimes he makes fun of her in front of common family friends.
She says that she has everything that one can only dream of. In fact, they have no common interests, for eight years they have not slept together and live in different rooms.
There are household duties that she must sacredly fulfill from year to year in order to please her husband.
And when she made attempts to leave him, he pressed her for pity and she went to a meeting, again returning to this relationship, continuing to play the role of a “good girl”.
Moreover, she makes good money, several times more than her husband, she has a small but profitable business and she does not depend on him materially.
But all these years, living with him, she wasted time in vain to please him, to make him happy, so that he would appreciate her, recognize and praise her. But that did not happen.
Elena burst into tears, said that she realized that she did not live her life, but in the role in which others wanted to see her, that she still does not understand her interests and desires and what she needs in this life herself.
When I offered her options for solving her problem and work, she said that she was afraid of changes, that she would think and left, she did not call me back.
It would seem that the person realized everything, but did not want to change anything, since fear is a secondary benefit and a comfort zone.
Such cases sometimes happen (.
Have you ever wondered if you live in life with your own desires?
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