2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
By Linda Blair
We are used to thinking that love is a wonderful feeling, in this article I will tell you why this is not entirely true. Agree that when we think about love - we imagine candlelit dinners, wine and roses, walks under the moon and romantic music.
Why, then, the eastern sage and poet Kahlil Gibran describes love in these words:
“If love leads you, follow her, but know her ways are cruel and steep
She will envelop you with her wings and you will yield to her, even if she wounds you with the sword hidden in the plumage, And if love tells you, believe her, even if her voice destroys your dreams, just as the north wind devastates the garden.
For love crowns you, but it also crucifies you."
What nonsense, you say! This is wrong! This is not the correct view of love. After all, we are much more used to thinking of love as something positive, beautiful, magical and fabulous.
The difference in views lies in the fact that Gibran understood the difference between love and passion. Lust, passion, lust, this is what is described in romantic stories and fairy tales: intense, overwhelming, all-consuming desire, the inability to think about anything other than conquer the heart (body) of the object of our desire. My friends, this is lust. This is not love.
Lust is a sexual response. This is about the necessity of procreation (and only about this), and although it is most often described in visual terms (breasts, legs, eyes, etc.), in fact, we are "in a state of excitement, lust" react more to smells and aromas than what we see. We desire this person if our senses tell us (as a rule, without our consciousness) that this person has an excellent immune system, which is as different as possible from ours. If we conceive a child with this person, the smell tells us that our chance of having healthy, most disease-resistant children is great.
Lust idealizes the object of attraction and allows one to see fantastic perspectives. This allows us to see only what we want to see and what we hope to see in another person. And also, passion allows you to ignore any flaws or defects. When we lust for a person, we see him as perfect, as someone extremely seductive, desirable.
Passion is instant. "Their eyes met, and it was as if a current ran between them" - this describes lust, not love. It is a primitive bodily response whose purpose is to ensure the survival of our DNA. It affects our senses, affects the senses and stimulates the production of neurochemicals - dopamine. By the way, dopamine is also released when we use drugs. However, in most cases, the pleasant experience is only temporary. Over the course of several weeks - months, the passion passes, and we are at a loss as to how it happened.
The best formulation of true love for another person is described by psychiatrist and writer Morgan Scott Peck. “The feeling of love is an emotion that accompanies the experience of an event or process, as a result of which an object becomes important to us. We begin to invest our energy into this object ("object of love" or "object of love"), as if it became a part of ourselves.
Love is not about our own need for procreation, or any other desire. When we truly love someone, our main focus is on expressing ourselves, the other, not ourselves. At the same time, it is important, Peck warns, that the other can accept this attitude, you need to understand and accept yourself.
After all, if you try to fill your own emptiness inside yourself with the help of “love for another”, then your “beloved” person may feel deceived, strangled and offended. “Love expects nothing in return. Love just flows out. "As Gibran says, "Love does not seek to possess. For love, love is enough."
When we truly love someone, we are ready to accept the person for who they are. There will be no attempt to idealize him or make him different. We will try our best to understand how the other person hopes to fulfill their potential in order to become whoever they wish. It takes patience, a huge amount of time, and a lot of hard work - not least because quite often the other is not even aware of their potential.
This is where pain comes from when we love. Love takes an incredible effort to accept and then truly understand the other person.
"In order to enable children to reach their potential, parents have to show their love, abandoning such an attractive sense of need."
Photo from the movie "Joe" (2013)
Very often, discoveries about how different he is can be a loss for us. This feeling is familiar to parents when a small child becomes a teenager and then an adult. In order to enable the child to fulfill his potential, parents must show their love by giving up the sense of what “they” need and encouraging the child's autonomy and initiative. Only in this way can a child fully develop and become an adult.
Love hurts because there are times when we have to let go of what we love the most.
Finally, love hurts because when we truly love, we must do it honestly. There are no secrets, no tricks, no self-deception, no ulterior motives. When we truly love what we discover, about the other person inevitably requires us to grapple with our own beliefs and desires.
Loving the other person means that both will grow and change. But any change, even for the better, is a painful process.
Is all this pain of love worth this feeling?
To live life to the fullest is worth loving. True love is a real treasure. Once again, let's read the lines of Gibran, who eloquently writes what happens when you truly love another person:
“Love gives only itself and takes only from itself.
Love owns nothing and does not want anyone to own it;
For love is content with love."
Recommended:
Why Do We Hurt Those We Love?
At some point, partnerships become more painful, more complicated. You become more vulnerable and needy. And then you ask the question: “Why is this happening? What's wrong with me?". Let's talk about it and figure it out. The question is not really what is wrong with you.
💥 CHILDFREY, PERSONAL LONELINESS AND HORMONES. 💥 WHY I DO NOT WANT A FAMILY AND CHILDREN - THE ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION YOU WILL FIND IN THE ARTICLE. 💥 PSYCHOLOGIST TIPS
Childfree, personal loneliness and hormones. This article was written by me specifically for those who wish to understand the phenomenon of "Childfree" in modern culture, to understand the psychology of these people. But especially for the respected childfree women and men themselves
Types Of Love And Their Difference: Passion, Falling In Love, Love Addiction, Absolute, Mature Love
Love … A word familiar from childhood. Everyone understands that when you are loved is good, but when you are deprived of love, it is bad. Only everyone understands it in their own way. Often this word is used to refer to something that turns out to be not quite love or not love at all.
Why Does A Woman Hurt A Man?
Often in conversations about relationships with men, women complain that they do not have enough male attention. At the same time, ladies want not only to be noticed and reckoned with. They need to see the man's reaction, by which they understand that they are not indifferent to the man who is next to them.
The Husband Does Not Want Sex With His Wife. Why? The Reasons Why The Husband Does Not Take The Initiative In Sex?
Husband doesn't want to have sex with his wife? To start the conversation, I will give you an example of a male position and a letter from my email: Alexander, 41 years old. My marital experience is 16 years, my wife Irina, two daughters are growing up.
