2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
- Now I am at the stage when, to some extent, I have learned to track the appearance of negative emotions, I can no longer or do not want to suppress them, but I think it is not environmentally friendly to throw it out on others, and I don’t know any other ways.
And I am interested in just tactical, albeit temporary, techniques, what to do at the moment when some word or action of the interlocutor, or just an event, strongly touched, and served as an impetus for raising feelings from the inside. What can I do with this at this moment, when I realized this emotion.
Of the ways I found, I only found to verbalize and breathe, but if the emotion is strong, it does not help. It's too late to play the theater, because already involved. If I try to postpone until the moment when I can analyze the situation, then I notice that everything starts to be wildly annoying, and sometimes I break off on children, but I don’t want that. Therefore, I am looking for just temporary effective techniques to control the anger that has already arisen.
There is a good way that I want to talk about.
To begin with, it is important to understand and remember that any negative emotion appears when a person is not satisfied with some urgent need. Emotion signals this and prompts actions to change the situation - i.e. prompts to do something in order to satisfy the need after all. And the first reaction that occurs in case of any discomfort that is not life-threatening (in case of a threat to life, there may be other reactions) is anger, anger, aggression
We inherited this emotion-reaction from animals. This is a universal biological protection of YOURSELF and your interests. The entire body is activated in order to drive away the source of discomfort, bend or destroy. Natural selection - the most important mechanism for the regulation and development of species - is carried out through this reaction.
Therefore, as approved by millions of years of evolution, it turns on automatically, much faster than anything social programsrecorded by the brain during the development of the human individual. But since then they still turn on, a person in many situations tries to somehow cope with the anger that has arisen:
-suppress (which is harmful to health, because it leaves a violent energy of destruction inside the body, and it begins to destroy it directly), -play (unconsciously - to break on the weak, or consciously - to beat the sofa), - translate into active physical actions that are safe for others (go in for sports or frantically cleaning and rearranging furniture), - distract the body (unconsciously - with food, sex, alcohol, etc. or consciously - with deep breathing), - to dissociate (to look at everything "from the outside", including in the work the capabilities of a purely human brain, which inhibit the activity of the zones responsible for emotions).
All these methods boil down to the fact that the energy of emotion must be somehow "thrown away", i.e. it is perceived as harmful, interfering (even if a person accepts the fact of its occurrence and does not blame himself for it).
However, if you remember, why an emotion of anger arises and for what (see the paragraph highlighted above), it is difficult not to consider such extravagance of one's own psychic energy reckless.
There is a qualitatively different way, based on understanding the language of emotion and paying attention to what it communicates.
When you feel anger flare up inside, ask her
WHAT does she want to protect?
What is your need now, and can't satisfy her?
By itself, such a reflection will already do the first important thing: it will transfer the functioning of your brain to a higher level - instead of the ancient, animal parts of the brain, the cortex of the frontal lobes will be involved in the work, making a person a Reasonable Man. Due to this, psychic energy will be redirected, the intensity of emotion will subside.
In this case, the body will feel that the emotion is not just "eliminated", but its signal has been accepted for processing. This will bring satisfaction, that is, at the same time, the second important task is being done.
And then the third: when you discover what kind of need is frustrated now, it is important to give yourself support in this suffering part of the psyche.
Let me explain with examples. Questions from the same reader:
- If I am angry with the child, perhaps my need for peace is not being satisfied, but how much can I count on this with the child?
Solution: tell yourself at this moment: “I understand why I am angry - I want to protect my health, I need peace, rest. I cannot count on a long rest while I am with the baby, but I will try to rest a little right now. I recognize my need and respect it " - and close your eyes, breathe slowly, relaxing your muscles, for a few minutes. And you do this not in order to "remove anger", but to satisfy your need. Even if you do not really succeed in rest, your anger will fade away. And then, understanding yourself, you will try to find opportunities to relax. They are there even while caring for a baby, but this is a separate topic.
- Or if I'm angry with my husband, how much my claims to him are adequate to the situation, I need help, but maybe I demand too much from him.
Solution: tell yourself at this moment : “I understand why I am angry with my husband - I need rest, and I expect help from him in business, but I do not receive it. I also need his love, and I interpret it as dislike that he does not help. But, perhaps, the point is different, you need to figure it out. I recognize my needs and respect them, I will look for ways to satisfy them. This deep understanding of yourself will subside your anger.. And then - about how to talk with your husband, so that instead of claims and demands from which he less wants to be around, to express his need nonviolently, and to receive both help and love from him, you can learn from M. Rosenberg's book “The Language of Life … Nonviolent communication”or in consultation with a psychologist.
- I need the understanding of my parents, but they cannot give it. How can I give support to my suffering part?
Solution: tell yourself at this moment : “I understand why I am angry with my parents - I need their understanding, acceptance, and they live according to their ideas, and they cannot be altered. Why do I need understanding and acceptance from my parents? Because it will give me support. It seems that inside I still need support on them, as a child needs it. I see this child in myself and understand his need for support. My little girl, I love, understand and accept you ! - and pet your little girl living in an adult body. It will become easier for her, and then this topic can also be worked out with a psychologist, since the topic is very large and important. But the anger will subside at that moment unambiguously.
If you understand how you can translate the energy of anger into a useful channel for yourself, and give yourself support, like it, and I will be grateful for your comments.
Recommended:
FROM SUPPRESSION TO ANGER: THE ROAD IN THE DIRECTION OF FREEDOM
There was a time when I didn't know how to get angry. That is, people. In a rage, kick a jammed door or yell at a cat - you are always welcome. But how you should defend your boundaries in a relationship with another person with the help of anger - no way.
Sexual Energy Is The Most Lively And Unpredictable Energy Within Us
Unfortunately, despite the access to all kinds of information and sexual sophistication that is present in our society, I often come across the fact that people do not understand what natural sexuality is. Our minds are constrained by some superficial, learned ideas about sex.
Anger, Anger, Resentment And Revenge. Where Do Parents Get Their Negativity From?
Anger is one of the basic, that is, innate emotions, the essence of which is, firstly, to signal that my boundaries are somehow not just violated, but harshly violated, and, secondly, to react to this intrusion. It takes a lot of energy to fight back, that's why anger is so strongly “charged”, it excites or “triggers” the sympathetic nervous system, forcing the heart to beat faster, quickens breathing, and mobilizes all the forces of the body.
Anger Management: How Not To Be Kind And Embrace Anger
To manage your anger, you must first accept it. You cannot accept your anger without recognizing anger as a good feeling. In this article I will cite work on accepting anger and myself in anger of my client in scenario therapy (permission to Publish received).
How Can I Not Smash The Whole World? Or Let's Talk About Annoyance, Anger, Anger And Rage
How does anger feel and what to do with it? The spectrum of anger is quite large - first we feel dissatisfaction, then irritation, then anger, then anger and rage. Anger and rage are no longer so much a feeling as an affect. Affect is an emotional state, short-term, but saturated in intensity, which is very difficult to control, almost impossible.
