2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Very often I come across in various psychological articles with a call to part with your illusions. This promises recovery and a real life full of meaning and joy. This is so and not so at the same time.
From my own experience, I am convinced that one can get rid of illusions only when you have accumulated the necessary and sufficient resources to accept the situation as it is, in all its terrible truth. Because the truth turns out to be just terrible, and sometimes intolerable, otherwise we would not have escaped into a saving illusion.
After all, what is an illusion in essence? The word itself is translated from Latin as delusion, deception. This is a kind of distorted perception of someone or something, an invented explanation, a kind of created mental image, as opposed to reality. And all this is designed to serve one purpose - to make life easier.
When a husband beats his wife, and she stubbornly "does not notice" this, but notices only small crumbs of some almost always random joy - here he brought money home, here he repaired the crane - this means that she is in an illusion and her name is "I have we have a husband, we have a family. " The fact that there is no real family and never will be … no, of course she knows this somewhere very deeply, but she prefers not to look at it, because if you see it, you will have to do something about it, and here and need a resource. But there is no resource. Because if he was, then this woman would choose a completely different person as her husband, with whom you can build a real family.
The accumulation of resources begins in childhood. These are loving host parents, a healthy family environment, understanding wise teachers and adult mentors, and a good non-aggressive environment. The ideal picture, unfortunately, has a very distant relationship to real life. In reality, everything is much tougher. Someone was more fortunate, someone less fortunate, but the reality is that we enter adult swimming with very limited abilities to resist what life offers us. In the baggage lovingly collected by parents, you can usually find low self-esteem, self-doubt, suppressed anger, a bunch of all kinds of inhibitions, especially on expressing feelings and a bunch of fears. There is no resource here, it is a stone that pulls to the bottom. That is why we run into illusion.
Illusion is a lifeline, and in general it is a way out. Illusion helps to transfer that which is absolutely unbearable. Reality without embellishment is sometimes so terrible and painful that it is completely impossible to look at it without rose-colored glasses, you can go blind. And I want to hide not even so much from others as from myself, from my wounds and gaping holes inside, which I want to fill with anything, if only it does not hurt so much.
This can be compared to a person who breaks his leg and temporarily walks on crutches. If you knock out his crutches, he will not only fall, but he can injure his leg again, and also break the other. And then the recovery time will take much longer.
Therefore, I often reflect on the question - if the destruction of an illusion leads to such a pitch hell of one's life that it becomes absolutely impossible to bear, then should a person deprive himself of such an illusion and should he be brought to this? …
If parting with the illusion reveals intense pain, so intense and unbearable that it becomes incompatible with life, then do not rush this parting. Don't rush yet. First, accumulate a resource, strength, internal stability, and it would be good if there was someone nearby who would support you if you start to fall.
It is necessary to part with illusions, but it is necessary to approach this responsible matter fully armed.
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