Parting. How To Survive In It

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Parting. The word is what. We have to part with someone or something millions of times in our life, but always parting is something painful and piercing, it shoots right in the heart and cannot be saved from pain. Don't prepare yourself in advance. And then you have to survive, for many, this is in the truest sense of the word

To begin with, let's define, and what are the partings, the very ones that most affect our soul:

1. Parting with a loved one (breaking up a relationship)
2. Divorce
3. Separation from parents
4. Moving
5. Parting with friends with whom you stopped communicating for some reason.
6. Parting with your illusions
7. Job change
8. Death

• A break in relations with a loved one or beloved can happen at any time when you are expecting it, and when you are not expecting it. Perhaps this is a forced separation, when one wants it and the other does not. Or mutual, when the relationship simply outlived its usefulness and both partners no longer want to be around. Everything happens in different ways, but in any case, our soul, emotions, feelings are shaken. At first you cannot believe it, then you realize that something has changed, then anger sets in (if you didn't want it), then acceptance and forgiveness, and then a period of recovery from the gap. In any case, there is one thought, "A holy place is never empty." As a person who has gone through more than one parting, I will say that someone else always came. Always. The main thing is to recover correctly after parting. Thoughts that no one else will ever be "cured" in my life in only one way - raising my self-esteem. Because breaking up is the process where self-esteem suffers the most. Someone begins to reproach himself that he could not keep the relationship, someone begins to think, more often women, that he left because I am somehow not like that (not feminine, not thin, not interesting, stupid, etc.). There is only one conclusion, to analyze the reasons why he or she left is only after you have worked on your self-esteem. Because immediately after the breakup, your assessment of what is happening will at least not be objective, but at the most, it will generally have little to do with why she or he left. The two main recommendations that will largely help to cope with both separation from a loved one (oh) and other partings are to go in for sports and be busy most of the time. When we have time to grieve and become depressed, most will definitely take this opportunity. Although the period to mourn well what is happening has not been canceled. The main thing is not to fall into it for months and years.
• Divorce can be attributed to the group of parting with a loved one, only usually the level of claims to each other is higher, the intensity of negative feelings is also higher. A plus is the division of property, and, if there are children, the organization of the time of communication with them one of the spouses and the division of financial responsibility for the children.
• Separation from parents. For some, this is a painful and painful process if the parent himself is not ready to let go of his child. You need to separate if you want to at least build a good relationship with the opposite sex. Ideally, this stage occurs during adolescence, but it so happens that the child did not go through it during this period. Then, as a rule, very obedient children grow up who live according to the scenarios of their family, which means that their family and material life remains at the same level as that of their parents. The most important stage from which separation from parents begins is to become financially independent from them. Material independence makes it possible to make independent decisions and live your own life. Next comes the setting of your personal boundaries, which you could not build with your parents before. Parents will resist, take offense, attack, but most importantly, remember that I am also a person and know what and how will be best for me.
• Moving to another city, in any case, threatens to part with many close people. The relationship will never be the same, or even come to naught. It is better to prepare yourself for this right away if you are planning to move to another city or country. Those who are very attached to the past will find it more difficult to adapt to a new place and find new friends faster. Most likely, depression, melancholy, regret can also occur. It is important here to work with letting go of the past so that the new does not have to wait long for you to clear up its rubble. Personally, it took me five years after the move. And it's a pity that I did not prepare myself for this in advance, then I would not have to spend so much time regretting the past and letting go of many connections.
• Parting with friends is also an inevitable process of life. Although it happens that friendship lasts a lifetime. Here I would touch upon the moment when separation and separation occurs for unknown reasons. That is, the desire to communicate with this particular person simply disappears. Why does this happen? In the process of life, everyone goes through their own development zone. That is, you had the same convictions, for example, all men are goats. So common and common in our world. But, you worked on yourself, on your beliefs, and decided that all men are different. Your friend did not work on herself, and she thinks after a year, and two, and three, all the same. This means that you become at different levels of internal development. After all, we choose friends based on common interests and views. And now, in order for you to communicate with her, you need to rise to her level, that is, think like her. And then the choice is yours.
• Parting with your illusions, in my opinion, is the most painful. All stages occur here, as when parting with a person. At first you don't believe in it, then you get angry, then you forgive, but already yourself, then you accept, and then you start living. When parting with illusions, sadness, longing, sadness, depression also arise. You can live a year, two, five years, or even thirty with only thoughts and a vision of life, and now suddenly something happened or broke, that now everything seems completely different. The psyche is in shock, she does not believe and resists, because she will have to go a long way again while she adapts to the new picture of life. The important thing here is to work with a sense of acceptance and a willingness to change. Accept that everything is always changing, including us. That if today you thought so, then tomorrow everything can change. That your vision of yourself, others, and what is happening is fluid. And this is normal, there is development in this. Where there is no development, degradation occurs.
• Job change. The most painful of course is when you are fired, perhaps not deservedly, perhaps it just happened. But there is always stress. At first, the stress of having to find a new job, which means that you go through the assessment stage again. Then adapt that social ties with the previous place of work will be cut off, perhaps friendship with someone will continue, but perhaps not. Particularly affected are those people for whom the family system of the company is comfortable (usually small companies). Because it is more difficult for him to adapt to a more normative company if he then gets into it. Where all forms of "Vasya Vasya" no longer work, but you need to adhere to clearly prescribed rules and regulations. In this case, it is worth considering the option of changing the place of work, as a chance of getting something better, or reaching a different level of professional development. It may also be a chance to change your activity altogether, if you did not dare before. And the main task here is to find ways to cope with stress, and then adapt to new conditions.
• Death. This is one of the most painful breakups ever. After all, even if you do not have a very good relationship, perhaps you often quarreled, or, on the contrary, there are many pleasant moments, then when a person dies, all this will never happen again, you simply will never see this particular person again. Never again quarrel, meet, rejoice, and it is very difficult to accept this fact. People usually experience such a loss for a long time, for years. Here I would slightly switch the vector of attention, to our EGO, to our selfish state, that somehow this person whom I loved or hated took and died. That is, now, how can I love him or hate him, if he simply does not exist. It will sound cruel to many, but almost always people cannot cope with the loss of a loved one for a long time precisely because of their selfishness. Because of our hopes that we pin on another person, it seems to us that he simply did not have the right to leave us and our expectations. We forget that we come to this world alone, and we will leave alone. That each person has his own destiny, his own program for life, which he must fulfill. And it is often possible that his death is part of your life program. There is no such person who would not face death.

But in order to go through all the stages less painfully, I think it is worth remembering that:

1. We are always alone, even when with someone.

2. I always have I.

3. I am the first and only person who is able to give myself everything I need. I do not need to expect this from others.

4. Any person, whoever he was to me, has the right to die, and has the right to leave me at any time.

Parting with anything is an important stage in life that anyone will have to go through. While there are partings, there are meetings. Therefore, it may be worthwhile to find for yourself personally the most comfortable relationship to all kinds of partings in our life, so that you go through it as less painfully as possible. I have not touched upon the topic of parting with myself here, I think it is worth a separate article.

And so, first, you can never be ready for parting, and if you did prepare, at the moment when this happens, the pain will not be less.

Pain, what to do with it? To live, to admit it to oneself, to openly say to oneself: "It hurts me, damn it!" Looking inside your pain you give it to be, because it is always easier to cope with what you see that exists. You can describe your pain, give it a name, put it in a uniform, see what color it is and how it smells, and let it go. Then find a place in the body and imagine how your pain comes out of it into space.

Then emptiness sets in. Emptiness is formed when something old is no longer there: familiar feelings, emotions, facts, events, and new ones simply have not yet formed. In emptiness, there is a feeling of meaninglessness of what is happening, of oneself or of life. Desires are absent in emptiness. The emptiness itself is resourceful, like a white sheet, because nothing is written on it yet, and you yourself choose the drawing that you want to see on it.

Try to treat emptiness as an opportunity, as an attempt, as energy, as a vessel that can be filled with something. Determine without ratings good or bad, perhaps or not, what you want to fill it with. You can imagine this vessel and everything that you send there.

And then, when the intensity of pain, denial of what is happening and emptiness becomes less and less, proceed to steps and actions, perhaps even very small: a mug of delicious coffee in the morning, your favorite pajamas for the night, a book you want to read, a website on the Internet, or even describe everything you feel in your blog. Gradually, the realization will begin to come, what needs to be done, how and why to go further.

Remember, not for long.

Absolutely everything passes, unless you grab onto it just not to change anything. This is how people cling to grievances, to their cherished pain for years, cling to the past that has already passed. After all, today is another day. Personally, this phrase helps me when I cling to something: "This is not, and never was."

Parting is undoubtedly an important and necessary period, and no matter what you part with, but it is also a period after which something new comes into life. In place of what we were holding on to, a new one will come, which we will also want to hold on to. The only thing that is stable is instability

Author: Darzhina Irina Mikhailovna