2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
One way or another, at least once in our life we were faced with the fact that we were rejected. Surely everyone will remember their own experience, be it at work (they refused to be promoted), in the family (when a brother or sister refused to play) and much more.
Some people are very upset when faced with rejection. Experiencing mental pain. Sometimes this pain is so intense that it is simply unbearable. And to recover, after that, it takes a very long time.
But how does this pain manifest itself? Everyone has their own way of expressing it. Someone tries to take revenge, someone becomes aggressive, someone apathetic, someone goes to work, someone goes into casual relationships (sexual and not only). We live in a society, and even our life does not begin alone, so it is very important for us to be in contact with another person or other people. We all (with very few exceptions) strive to be accepted and belong to the group: work collective, professional community, family, fan club, and so on.
If a person is constantly faced with rejection, then sometimes he mistakenly decides to reduce his social contacts. This only undermines his faith in himself and people more. But it is necessary, on the contrary, to go to therapy or group therapy and look for what is the reason for constant betrayal or exclusion from communication. This is usually a very old childhood trauma.
I have met people who so limited their social circle that it consisted of one or two people. A middle-aged man, worked as a remote programmer. And his only contacts were dialogues with the boss (and then only in correspondence) and the delivery of groceries. Indeed, in our digital age, everything can be done online: pay all bills, order groceries, roll up equipment and furniture, in general, almost everything. It turned out to be a real quest for him to come to the office. But the pain from loneliness was already so strong that there was no strength to endure it.
There is one more interesting point. Having lived through another rejection, we can experience pain for a very long time, mentally returning to what happened, blaming ourselves. But in fact, this is anger at the very first time when we were abandoned and could not cope with these feelings.
Why are we exaggerating the significance of what is happening? After all, if someone didn’t say hello to us, it doesn’t mean that he deleted us from his life. It is possible that a person just thought about or forgot to put on contact lenses and all people are just colored spots for him. Why do we play the same moment over and over again in our heads? Everything is very simple. Our psyche is trying to satisfy the desire to get rid of old pain. Therefore, we replay painful situations in our thoughts, and therefore exaggerate the significance of what happened. And it is good if it is realized and noticed. Often this is a completely imperceptible process, it seems that it should be so.
Some people are so self-absorbed that they do not notice the mistakes or states of others at all, they only blame themselves for everything that happens. But, even Sigmund Freud said: "Before diagnosing yourself with depression and low self-esteem, make sure that you are not surrounded by idiots." So it is worth considering all the factors: your personal, environment, state and mood of another person. And before you criticize yourself, think and try to feel what is happening to the other person. Well, it would be nice to sympathize with yourself and accept your (sometimes not entirely pleasant) feelings.
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