Where Does The “fear Of Rejection” Come From And What To Do With It?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

A person, while he is alive, can feel various kinds of fears … Some of them are useful: warning, protecting, protecting, caring so that something dangerous really does not happen. It is only desirable to be able to read and understand them in oneself, and also to feel them, of course.

And there are also … incomprehensible fears. Which have a foundation, but go out of "out of control", they appear from the unconscious. Their emergence can be influenced by both the "costs" of upbringing, and not experienced psychological trauma, stressful conflict situations … with me?"

One of these fears, which may well have arisen from childhood, is "the fear of rejection." Internal, psychological, mental fear, emotional suffering, mental pain from the fact that you are rejected: they do not want to see, they are deprived of communication, "they play in silence." And in general - you interfere, you are superfluous … The reasons for such an attitude may be completely incomprehensible.

As a child can see and feel a similar attitude towards himself, I will try to investigate and discover, so to speak, some possible sources of this rather complex phenomenon …

You (the child) are not accepted for who you are. They do not notice your uniqueness and originality, difference from others, and if they see it, then not in a positive way, but mostly in a negative way. They do not recognize and do not support when you need it, do not listen and do not hear … Do not pay due attention: because of employment, fatigue, irritation, some of their own personal difficulties. They don't play with you, don't walk, don't read, ignore, criticize with or without …

It turns out that rejection for a child is like a dislike for him, his uselessness … When this scenario is transferred into adulthood, the “inner child” is afraid of repeating and copying what was in his childhood.

He is afraid of the fear that arose when he was helpless in front of the authoritative figures of his close people and dependent on their feelings, emotions, behavior and just mood … From them - "I love, I do not love." After all, a child still cannot make a conscious choice and is emotionally very involved in the attitude of people significant to him … He needs their unconditional love and acceptance, which is a prerequisite for the further development of internal security and basic trust in himself and the world around him.

The fear of rejection is somewhat akin to the fear of loneliness … Or rather, it gives off in the background: if I am rejected, then I will be left alone and without a person who is so valuable and meaningful to me …

Such fears are incomprehensible to children and adolescents, but an adult and thinking person can somehow try to figure it out in himself. Well, for example … If it is rejected, then "will life stop after that" or will there be any new guidelines and perspectives in communication, contacts, friendships and more close ones … Or, when the fear of loneliness arises, what can be done with this - how to understand and accept such an internal state in oneself? The emphasis is still, I think, on "do" …

Listen to yourself, your feelings, to understand what is personally interesting to you and what excites, excites, turns on you … Finally and in a sense, your uniqueness, originality and difference from others … And then, perhaps, follow your desires and preferences, needs at the moment in life. Do something useful for yourself, learn something new and interesting, open up to gain other life experience and relationships …

And to understand, perhaps, that childhood fears already in adulthood in real life are like a “soap bubble” bursting from the realization that you are an adult person who is able to influence her life and make her own choices in it. And not only someone else with their influence from the outside …

Then the perception changes - rejection no longer looks like "abandonment", dislike … The understanding comes that in relations between people just something changes and becomes different and this, to some extent, even natural.

Loneliness no longer scares, but gives opportunities for a better understanding of oneself, an impulse for personal growth, development and the discovery of something unexpected in oneself … The realization that your loneliness / self, as a kind of otherness, is the same inner freedom from something unnecessary and superficial … This is a state with which you can quite productively and interestingly deal, and most importantly - in your own way.

So what to do with the “fear of rejection” if it has a place to be? Obviously - to grow up. And this is sometimes a very peculiar process …