2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I will start in an original way, as for a consultant in the method of positive psychotherapy
I believe that chronic diseases are karmic in nature, that is, they have a latent potential and arise only when one or another problem has not been solved for a long time at the psychophysical level, therefore, over time, it has moved to the physical one
In essence, negative emotions become the cause of all deviations from the norm of psychobiophysiological homeostasis of the body. Remember the expression: "All diseases are from the nerves"? And here we are not even talking about such macrostressors as the death of a loved one, divorce, treason, imprisonment or others.
Rather, behind such emotions as anger, resentment, fear, guilt, shame lie often recurring problems of a social nature, the so-called microstressors.
If a person lived alone on a desert island, who would he be angry with, who would he be ashamed of, who would he feel guilty about? All negative emotions appear only in the process of socialization, as a result of the disharmony of a person's behavior with the behavior of other people.
We are all different, our families are also different, despite the century of “combing” society under the “Soviet comb”. Therefore, our behavior is also different.
In the process of upbringing a person and his further socialization and experienced conflicts, a certain set of actual abilities characteristic of a person is formed. Each of the abilities, like everything else in this world, has a negative and a positive side, depending on its (ability) potential. That is, if you are punctual, then there are two extreme potentials in the negative form of this ability (punctuality mania and constant non-punctuality). In short, the most "socialized" is the average potential of any actual ability.
Positive psychotherapy identifies fourteen primary primary and fourteen secondary abilities.
Primary abilities (abilities to "love") represent the basis on which the superstructure of secondary abilities (abilities to "know") develops
Emotion-oriented categories are attributed to primary abilities, such as:
1. Acceptance (the ability to give the right to be)
2. Example (inheritance, imitation, pattern, ideal)
3. Patience (the ability to wait with understanding)
4. Time (feel-distribute-give)
5. Trust (to the world, to yourself, to another)
6. Contact (merge-differentiation-separation)
7. Tenderness
8. Sexuality
9. Confidence in "okay"
10. Confidence-in ability
11. Hope
12. Doubt (tradition / authority / experience)
13. Faith / Meaning / Religiousness
14. Wholeness / Integrity / Unity
Secondary abilities include achievement-oriented psychosocial norms, activities:
1. Order (accuracy, consistency, consistency)
2. Cleanliness (cleanliness)
3. Thrift (frugality)
4. Punctuality
5. Accuracy (thoroughness, unambiguity)
6. Restraint (politeness, "good manners", tact)
7. Directness (openness, honesty, sincerity)
8. Loyalty (devotion)
9. Fairness ("objectivity")
10. Diligence (diligence, diligence)
11. Purposefulness (achievement, success, result)
12. Obedience (submission, authority)
13. Reliability (reliability)
14. Obligation (good faith, responsibility)
If all our actual abilities are formed in the process of socialization, then they obviously correspond to the socio-cultural system of relations in which we grew up. From a transcultural point of view, it is clearly seen that primary abilities, such as love, trust and sociability, are more pronounced in Eastern cultures, and secondary abilities, such as accuracy and punctuality, are characteristic of Western culture.
Therefore, if you want to get married in Germany, do not expect super-generosity from your loved one. And if you go to your beloved in Syria, then get ready to constantly receive guests.
The actual abilities we have acquired during our life, as concepts (attitudes, mottos, rules), are transferred into our self-perception and determine our consciousness, our worldview, the principles of perception of the world around us and the principles of solving emerging problems.
It is important to understand that “all people are good”, all the specified set of actual abilities is inherent in every person living in society. The difference lies only in the degree of expression of a particular ability.
Fully actual abilities manifest themselves only when they form a single complex. If a person has an increased value of only the ability that he has at the moment, then he is so blinded by its importance that he does not notice other values and abilities either in himself or in his partner.
The strong resonance arising from violations of secondary abilities can only be explained by the specifics of emotional relationships between people.
To change the potential of your abilities, you need a very strong motivation, which can change a person's consciousness and, as a result, change behavioral stereotypes.
If the potential of any of your actual abilities does not coincide with the potential of the same ability in your partner, a conflict arises.
For example, you are a supra-punctual person, and your partner is used to being late. It's good if you are a man and your non-punctual partner is a woman. And if the other way around? And changing that is usually very difficult, almost impossible. Therefore, you must be prepared for the fact that this "minor" conflict will be in your relationship all the time. However, it is only when we are not patient enough that we can get angry at the lack of punctuality. What it means to each of us to be patient is also an important question. If you find passive patience in yourself, that is, you simply allow your partner to do something, without realizing the situation (endure and suffer, accumulating resentment), the potential for conflict will only grow. If you do not just endure, clenching your teeth, but clearly understand why you are doing this (or why you should not do it) and this understanding adds confidence to you, the conflict will be settled.
The frequent repetition of such "minor" conflicts causes a stressful situation and, as a result, chronic diseases "wake up".
To prevent the onset and exacerbation of diseases, you need to reduce the conflict potential of communication with your environment. First of all, to realize where the conflict is and to eliminate it accordingly.
To do this, you need to deal with the primary and secondary abilities that interfere with communication. Note in percentage the potential of your actual (primary and secondary) abilities and partner abilities. But don't forget that this will only be part of the truth - your truth. Then your partner should perform the same action - assess your and your actual abilities. And that's not the whole truth. After you discuss what you have done, you can crystallize the truth. If you cannot, and this, believe me, is not easy - look for a specialist who will help you with this. Once you realize “where the dog is buried”, further actions are only “a matter of technique”.
I wish you love!
1. Pezeshkian N. "Psychotherapy of everyday life: conflict resolution training"
2. Pezeshkian N. "How to positively overcome fatigue and overstrain"
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