Misconceptions About Psychotherapy 2.0 [full Version]

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

It is difficult to find someone free of emotional, behavioral, or personality problems. Psychotherapy is a good way to deal with them. I am convinced that psychotherapy is indicated for almost everyone. According to my subjective estimates, out of twenty people for whom psychotherapy is available and clearly could help, only one comes to see a psychologist or psychotherapist. I find that misconceptions about psychotherapy often prevent people from seeking help. It is my intention in this article to provide accurate, useful information about psychotherapy to dispel misconceptions that prevent people from seeking support and finding their specialist. You will be able to better understand the potential benefits of counseling and psychotherapy. My hope is that someday misinformation, fear and shame will no longer be a barrier to those seeking psychotherapy.

Let's talk about delusions …

It is natural for a person to be afraid of what he does not fully understand. For many, psychotherapy also appears to be such a "terrible beast". But not only this normal fear does not let people into the psychologist's office. In my experience, I can describe some common reasons why people reject or avoid therapy. The reasons described below are most often based on misconceptions or even outright disinformation.

Misconception # 1: "Going to psychotherapy means I am weak, spoiled, or even crazy."

Reality

This misconception seems to be the most common reason why people do not seek psychological help. Do you think that going to a therapist will be a manifestation of your weakness, inability to solve problems on your own, or a sign that you are crazy? Are you afraid to see yourself in the eyes of others as worthless, inadequate or unattractive?

The reality is that most users of therapy are ordinary people solving common, everyday problems. Adapting to major life changes, experiencing grief, anger, improving relationships, working on self-esteem, dissatisfaction with their appearance are the most common content discussed with a psychologist.

Of course, people with severe mental disabilities also undergo psychotherapeutic treatment. It is known that the number of relapses of mental disorders is significantly reduced if, in addition to drug treatment, the patient also receives psychotherapy. But the truth is that most psychotherapy users are clinically healthy, they find a place in the psychologist's office in which to solve their common human problems. In my personal practice, two-thirds of my clients have no psychiatric diagnoses. I will say more. Psychotherapy is inherently an indicator of emotional maturity, a sign that a person can acknowledge that they need help and are willing to take care of themselves.

Where are the origins of the delusion under discussion? Cultural influence seems to me to be the main one. European culture since the Renaissance has been a culture of achievement, success and strength. From an early age, many generations of people have experienced the painful consequences of displaying states and behavior, which can be perceived by others as weakness: disapproval, shame, nagging, nagging, bullying, isolation from parents, siblings or peers. As a result, many people tend to disguise their experiences and suffering by being hesitant to share their pain for fear of rejection. Psychotherapy allows pain to be expressed without fear. In the opportunity to show your care, suffering, weakness, tears in front of a compassionate witness lies the potential of great strength. For some reason, many deprive themselves of access to this power. If you are sensitive to the opinions of others to the point that you fear being hurt, then the privacy and security provided by the therapist in your psychotherapy session can help you step out of your comfort zone. Good therapy is a place where all thoughts and feelings are welcome.

The second factor supporting the belief of many that resorting to psychotherapy is a weakness, a sign of inadequacy or significant mental disabilities is the media. More often than not, people receiving psychotherapy are shown on television and in films exaggeratedly inadequate, with a serious disorder in their souls. I think you can understand why this is so. Indeed, in the media, ratings and box office receipts are most often important. The more drama and pathology, the better. And, as you already know, there is part of the truth in this: people with severe mental disorders receive psychotherapy too. And the complete truth is that such people are in the minority in psychotherapy.

Misconception # 2: "Psychotherapy is only for the treatment of mental disorders, not for personal development."

Reality

The idea that there are no healthy people among people, but that there are insufficiently examined people, has long been circulated. I think this joke is a manifestation of a pathological clinical approach to human conditions. Indeed, if you look into the well-known classifiers of mental disorders (International Classification of Diseases - ICD-10, in force in Europe and Russia, or DSM-V, used in the USA), then, surprisingly, there is a place for each of us. The doubting reader can check this for himself.

Medicine is predominantly focused on treating painful conditions, while prevention is often in the background. Moreover, often the symptoms are thought of in the clinic as some kind of enemy agents that must be destroyed. But, what is justified in relation to infections is strange in relation to, for example, alarming symptoms. Let me illustrate the last point.

A woman who goes to a neuropsychiatric dispensary complaining of excessive anxiety about the health and safety of her child is at risk of being diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. But the "symptoms" of anxiety can be very pronounced: every sneeze child frightens mother to a cold sweat with oncology, and waiting for a child from school is unbearable because of the intrusive pictures of the collision of a native child with a maniac. You can fantasize yourself about how this will manifest itself in the mother's behavior and affect the quality of the parent-child relationship. If medications are prescribed, the degree of anxiety as an emotional state will decrease. But I strongly doubt that the type of maternal response will change.

Psychotherapy, on the other hand, looks at "symptoms" as clues. In the example under discussion, as an option, maternal anxiety may be the result of not recognizing the mother's own negative feelings towards the child. If there is anger, disappointment, resentment, as a given, but the manifestation of such feelings is prohibited or little understood, then emotions will still find a way out, for example, through the mechanism of projection. Indeed, for any healthy parent, the thought that he himself can pose a threat to his child is unbearable. And its own repressed negative is attributed to the outside world. If, in psychotherapy, the mother acknowledges her feelings and finds a healthy way to express them, her anxiety can be expected to decrease to a natural level. In addition, the mother will advance personally. This has happened more than once in my professional experience. (It is important to say that the mechanism described here is a special case of how anxiety symptoms can make sense.)

Similar reasoning is appropriate when it comes to psychotherapy for people with serious mental disabilities. Many cases have been described of how people, while strengthening their personality in psychotherapy, became much more than their morbid state. Psychotherapy is always aimed at personal development.

Misconception # 3. "Psychotherapy will make me worse / worse."

Reality

If you have had traumatic experiences as a child, such as sexual, physical, emotional abuse, or neglect, the thought of having to deal with difficult feelings again in psychotherapy can generate intense anxiety. “Survivors” can often feel conflicting desires: on the one hand, it is important to somehow heal the wounds, and on the other hand, the severity of the experience turns them away from the very idea of talking about what happened, returning to a terrible experience in experiences. Many people who have avoided psychotherapy for the latter reason still turn to a specialist as a last resort after unsuccessful attempts to forget.

Even if you have not experienced severe trauma, you still carry this or that amount of pain in your soul. After all, shit happens. Therefore, I am sure that everyone has something to bring to psychotherapy, despite the fear of pain “stitched” in our culture. My human experience tells me that most people don't know how to deal with their pain. And there is a reason for any fear. You carry heavy feelings in you, you decide to show them in psychotherapy. But, if the specialist is not qualified to help you take care of your pain, then you may actually get worse. I think that everyone knows how easy it is to fall into despair, despondency and weakness when our pain returns to us through the memories that have broken through into our consciousness. And this is a trap: fear of pain does not allow spiritual wounds to heal.

To break out of this trap, two things are needed. Your decisiveness to talk about what happened and a supportive, compassionate, comforting interlocutor. In good psychotherapy, these conditions can be met. A careful therapist will not push you to immerse yourself in painful material, but will create an environment in which you progress at your own pace. Pain is healed when it is placed in a compassionate atmosphere.

Misconception # 4. "Psychotherapy relies only on the wisdom of the therapist."

Reality

The idea that the therapist is a kind of sage who knows the answers to all questions is also very common. Like any other, there are some real reasons for this fallacy. In each of us, it seems to me, there is a lively hope that “a magician will suddenly arrive” and say what can be done in a given situation. In addition, examples of how psychotherapy is implemented with almost one single phrase of a specialist are very common in the media.

Many "recruits" who come to psychotherapy expect advice from a psychologist, some correct answers to specific questions. There are expectations from psychotherapists as from some mythical creatures, endowed with insight and wisdom, which they actually do not have. In psychotherapy, there is a search for their own answers, the main of which is the answer to the question: "Who is this I who asks something?" My task as a psychotherapist is to help such a search. If I offer ready-made solutions, I am not helping. And the main paradox of psychotherapy is that healing is on the side of the patient, not the specialist.

Those psychologists who offer people ready-made solutions, instead of helping sufferers to gain access to their own resources, often satisfy their own personal needs in a sense of their importance, need, value. By giving advice, the specialist provokes the patient into addiction and dependence. And this is a disservice. After all, the general task of psychotherapy can be formulated as helping a person so that he can rely on himself.

I am convinced that every person in himself has everything in order to make his life happier. Psychotherapy justifiably claims to open access to inexhaustible inner sources of wisdom. And to rely on the wisdom of another person means to turn away from these sources. A good psychologist can be sought for understanding, empathy, compassion, seasoned with safe confrontation and interpretation.

Misconception # 5 "Psychotherapy will confirm my worst fears about myself."

Reality

Do you know the fear that there is something in you that is fundamentally wrong? (If you answer no to this question, then you can skip this part of the article.)

And here's the thing. You are not spoiled. We all came into the world free from imperfections. The problem is that life is full of pain and problems. We all suffer, get hurt, feel lonely, face loss, grief, betrayal and rejection, and feel shame, guilt, anxiety, and other painful feelings. No one can walk through life unharmed. Nobody.

Having experienced mental pain once, a person develops protective strategies such as depression, anxiety, anger, self-criticism, prefectionism, workaholism, addiction, eating behavior and other more subtle addictions. These defense mechanisms help people feel in control, but they are often the reason for seeking professional help. Often the defenses, protecting from pain, do harm themselves.

As an example, consider a teenage girl who vomits to control her weight. At one time, peers teased and rejected her for being overweight, and now vomiting helps her avoid shame and isolation. Intention, realized through a problematic method, is positive, and in this sense, protection is good. Good and painful at the same time, because in addition to the most serious physical threats, such protection does not allow the girl to treat herself with acceptance and love. The defenses do not have negative intentions, which means there is no depravity, but there are non-constructive ways to respond to problems.

In this place of my reasoning, the basis for a discussion arises, which I do not want to unfold in full here. Like, there are those who are "pure evil." I agree that we are talking about extremely rare people who, for any reason, are deprived of the innate human ability to empathy. I will only add that those who resort to violence are full of pain and themselves at one time were victims. This, of course, is not an excuse, but a good reason for thinking that psychotherapy can help many.

Based on a computer metaphor, we can say that most of us have problems with software and have no defects with hardware. Psychotherapy deals with software, relying on positively functioning hardware. I am not claiming that pathology does not exist, but I proceed from the belief that people with true pathology are a minority and that most people who come to therapy are not spoiled and have environmental problems.

So, psychotherapy will not confirm your worst fears about yourself. Not only that, a good therapist can help you be curious and compassionate about the parts of your soul that led you into therapy. In most cases, looking at yourself with an unbiased interest, with the goal of deeply understanding how the soul's mechanisms are trying to help you, triggers the healing process. Most often, depression, anxiety, sadness, anger, self-criticism need to understand what protective function they are realizing. After all, the dragon guards the treasures.

You were born uncorrupted. You are not spoiled at the present time. You are just a human being.

What you don't like about yourself shouldn't be amputated, it just needs your curiosity and compassion. You don't have to worry about the "defects" coming to the surface as a result of the therapy. Positive intentions will surface, requiring your care and healthy implementation.

Misconception # 6. "Psychotherapists are special people."

Reality

Psychotherapists, psychologists are people too. Someone consider specialists in helping professions to be people who are somehow especially gifted, intelligent and have almost extrasensory insight. Many endow psychotherapists with wisdom and the ability to solve all problems. Such perceptions lead to the fact that psychologists are afraid. But the truth is that psychotherapists have often experienced more problems in their lives than their patients. It's just that specialists, in addition to special training, also undergo their own psychotherapy.

Psychotherapists, like all people, have experienced trauma, adversity and carry their own mental wounds. A good therapist recognizes insolence when deciding to do his job. This is why the specialist's own psychotherapy is so important. In psychotherapy, each of us becomes, in the words of Hemingway, "stronger in broken places." The wounded healer is the best healer. Helping people, the therapist almost always encounters something similar to his own drama, and the experience of coping with his own pain makes him more skillful.

What are the possible reasons for the frequent idealization of psychotherapists? My guess is that even before the patient comes to the psychotherapy room, he forms a transference to the specialist, as to the parental figure. It's like a child burdened with a sense of inferiority looks at someone who is bigger, stronger and smarter. Agree, most of us spend a significant part of our lives looking for important answers outside of ourselves, relying on the "magician in a blue helicopter" already mentioned in the article. It is not surprising that people come to psychotherapy with similar confidence. And, in order not to hide the truth, some narcissistic therapists help to perpetuate the discussed delusion.

Misconception # 7 "Psychotherapy is endless and will cost me a fortune."

Reality

Psychotherapy is usually not endless. Of course there are those who have been in psychotherapy for decades. Yes, sometimes this is the result of the therapist encouraging or stimulating addiction, and sometimes such long periods are objectively necessary. A 2010 study by the American Journal of Psychiatry showed that half of psychotherapy users were in it from 3 to 10 sessions, only in a third of cases the process exceeded 20 sessions. These data are confirmed by my practice - most people do not stay in psychotherapy for a long time.

Some run away from psychotherapy when they begin to feel too vulnerable. It happens that psychotherapy ends at the discretion of a specialist before deep work can be done. There are psychotherapeutic approaches that implement the idea of short-term. By the way, short-term is attractive to many for financial reasons.

Without a doubt, psychotherapy is expensive. But I, like many of my colleagues, do not consider this a waste. I treat psychotherapy fees as an investment. I have invested in myself in general for five years. And I testify that such an investment pays off, in my case, including financially. I personally experienced the truth of Albert Schweitzer's words. “Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. Starting psychotherapy is a very personal decision. I believe that good psychotherapy costs time and money. And it should last as long as it takes. I am sure that giving up inner work to improve the quality of life is ultimately more expensive than psychotherapy. Think about how your well-being, or lack thereof, affects your relationships, health, career success, and overall life satisfaction. Psychotherapy is an investment worth making.

Misconception # 8. "The therapist will question, blame, shame, and blame me."

Reality

I believe there are two sources of this misconception. The first is the everyday experience of interaction and communication between people. Did you know that in response to the expressed concern, you hear questions from the interlocutor and begin to feel as if you are talking to an interrogator? How often do you come across when communicating with other people: with criticism or support? It is natural for a person to generalize, and the usual in everyday life is expected in the office of a psychotherapist. The second source of delusion is the practice of careless or unsuccessful specialists in their psychotherapy.

A skilled, “treated” psychotherapist does not use the shame of accusation as a tool in their work. Regardless of ideology, regardless of the type of therapy, healthy psychotherapy NEVER involves guilt, shame, and condescension. Indeed, people sometimes do terrible, destructive things to themselves and to others. But if I truly, without prejudice, without judgment listen to those who come to see me, I face a human drama every time. Each has its own drama, each of us is on some level, as vulnerable as the day we were born. We all have a painful history behind a veil of protection. Only compassion can help remove this suffering.

As a summary, I will say one thing: people, do not be afraid to ask for help.