2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The most important thing that distinguishes people from each other in a psychological sense and that immediately catches the eye when meeting a person is his life position.
Each of us has our own life position.
Our ability to overcome difficulties and our success in life depends on our position in life. A life position determines our strength and power over our destiny.
A life position is a person's basic beliefs about himself and about other people.
A person uses these beliefs to justify their behavior and decisions. However, the way I see myself and others is just “species”, not facts. We strive to act as if these "species" are fact. Which leads to inconsistency, inefficiency, incomprehensibility, conflicts, etc.
Thus, these very "species", i.e. our position in life significantly affects our personal and organizational life.
Beliefs that reflect the Life Position lead either to success or to failure!
Each of us manifests itself in one of the following ways, depending on our basic life position:
strongly, confidently, from a position of self-respect,
from a position of power and superiority over others,
uncertainly, from a position of self-deprecation,
almost does not show at all
There are four options for a life position - four options for self-awareness, four options for destiny.
Three of the four positions in life are positions of failure:
I am not OK, you are OK
I am OK, you are not OK
I am not OK, you are not OK.
And only one life position - Okeinaya - is the position of an autonomous, productive, happy, self-fulfilling personality:
I am ok, you are ok.
Okay personalities show themselves with dignity and at the same time respect for others!
A life position is an existential life choice, an unconscious decision of a person about himself and his life. The life position is finally formed up to 5 years old and lasts for life. Under good circumstances, a person with a non-okay life position can act effectively, but under stress returns to their basic position.
Staying effective under stress is a powerful challenge!
Life position is the perception of the world, therefore Life position is something that can be changed.
Having learned how to manage your ZhP you can radically change your life!
To change our attitude, we use the idea that All people are OK.
This is the idea of Dr. Eric Berne, the founder of Transactional Analysis.
Transactional analysis allows you to determine a life position and change it. This means to change your destiny, to become an autonomous productive self-fulfilling personality. Simply put, the Winner.
Winners and Losers
Every human being is born as something new, still
never existed until now. Everyone is born for happiness and joy. Everyone is born capable of loving, creating, self-actualizing and providing themselves with everything they need. Within and around us there are inexhaustible resources for this.
Each person sees, hears, touches, studies and thinks in his own way.
Everyone has their own individual capabilities - abilities and limitations.
Everyone can be significant, thoughtful, aware, and creative - a productive, happy individual.
When we talk about a person as a productive happy person, we are not talking about someone who makes someone lose, or who takes advantage of the weakness of others. For us, a productive happy person is someone who authentically (authentically) reacts to everything as a person and as a member of society, showing trust, care, responsibility and sincerity. Such a sense of self and perception of the world is called the life position of basic comfort and trust in oneself and other people, in other words - the position I am OK, you are OK.
An unhappy (weak, sick) person is one who fails to be authentic. In the depths of the soul of such people, there is a so-called basic Non-Ooneity.
Many people, for various reasons, lose their self-awareness of basic comfort and trust (the life position I am OK, you are OK). They form one of three basic non-Ooneity positions:
I am not OK, you are OK
I am OK, you are not OK
I am not OK, you are not OK.
Modern psychological theory says that only with a self-awareness of basic comfort and trust (life position I am OK, you are OK) a person can realize and realize their resources in full, be authentic, which means autonomous, productive and happy. As soon as a person loses this position, he begins to feel weak and vulnerable and begins to need to program himself and his life. Next, you will learn that there are 4 types of programming and that people with basic non-Oquity are people who have lost themselves, living according to internal and external programs, because do not feel the strength to react spontaneously.
It is almost useless to change habits, go to trainings without changing the basic position in life. Because habits, a life scenario are the consequences of a life position.
In order to truly change, you need to change your life position!
Okay personalities
This is a person with a sense of basic comfort and trust in oneself, other people and the world. Such a person has a life position I am OK, you are OK. In short, such people are called Okey personality.
An okay personality is an autonomous, productive, happy, self-fulfilling personality. Okay personalities have different possibilities. For them the most
important in life are not “achievements, but authenticity (the ability to be
by yourself). An okay personality realizes himself, learning everything new and becoming
more and more frank and responsive. Okay personalities realize their
unique individuality and value it in others.
Okay personalities are authentic personalities.
Okay personalities don't devote their lives to fantasizing about who they might be; being themselves, they do not entertain, do not make claims, do not manipulate others. Okay personalities know how to reveal themselves, and not create images that others like, attract them, or, conversely, irritate them. They understand that there is a difference between being loving and playing loving, between being stupid and acting stupid, between being knowledgeable and pretending to know. Okay personalities do not
you need to hide behind a mask. They reject an unreal image of themselves, not counting
themselves neither the best nor the worst. Independence does not intimidate autonomous, productive, happy people.
Everyone has moments in life when he is independent, but they quickly pass. Okay personalities can be independent over long periods of time. They can also lose ground and fail. However, despite the obstacles, they do not lose the main thing - faith in themselves.
Okay individuals are not afraid to think independently and apply their knowledge.
They know how to separate facts from opinions and do not pretend to have answers to all questions. They listen to the opinions of others, evaluate what they say, but come to their own conclusions. While Productive Happy Individuals may admire and respect other people, they are never completely dependent on them, never fully bound by them, and never experience
reverence for others.
Okay personalities do not pretend to be helpless, just as they do not play accusations. Instead, they accept responsibility for their own lives.
They do not refer to false authorities, but they themselves are their only leaders and know this.
Okay personalities use their time right. They react to everything adequately to the situation. Their reactions depend on the message they send and protect the importance, well-being, and dignity of others. Okay individuals know that there is a turn for everything and for each activity there is a time.
Time to be energetic and time to be inert
Time to be together and time to be alone
A time to quarrel and a time to love
Time to work and time to rest
Time to cry and time to laugh
Time to meet face to face and time to leave
A time to speak and a time to be silent
Time to rush and time to wait.
Okay individuals value their time. They do not kill him, but live according to the "here and now" principle. Living in the present does not mean mindlessly disregarding the past or not being able to prepare for the future. Rather, on the contrary, knowing their past, they are aware and deeply feel the present and
look ahead to the future.
Okay personalities learn to understand their feelings and limitations and are not afraid of them, do not get hung up on internal contradictions and ambivalent feelings.
Being authentic, they are aware of when they are irritated and can listen to another when they are irritated, can influence others and be influenced, are able to love and be loved.
Okay personalities know how to be spontaneous. They do not have a once and for all predetermined, rigid course of action, and they can change their plans when circumstances require them. Productive happy individuals have an interest in life and enjoy work, play, other people, nature, food, sex. Without a sense of false modesty, they rejoice in their own achievements. They rejoice at the achievements of others without envy.
Although Okay individuals can freely enjoy, they can also postpone pleasure, can discipline themselves in the present in order to increase pleasure in the future. They are not afraid to follow their desires, but they follow them in the most appropriate way. Productive happy individuals do not seek security by controlling others. They don't set themselves up for failure.
Okay personalities care about the world and about people, they are not separated from the main social problems, but, being interested in them, empathizing with them, they fight to improve their lives. Even in the face of national and international disasters.
Winners do not see themselves as powerless individuals. They live to make the world a better place.
Not-Okay personalities
Although people are born to self-actualize, they are still born helpless and completely dependent on their environment. Okay individuals successfully transition from complete helplessness to independence and then to interdependence.
Those who fail to make this transition for various reasons begin to feel like Not-OK (Losers, weak, dependent, sick). From some point in their lives, they begin to avoid the emerging responsibility for their own lives. Such personalities in modern psychology are called Non-Okaye personalities.
Who a person is, a Non-Okey person or an Okey person, largely depends on what happened to him in childhood.
Lack of responsiveness to the need for care, poor parenting, family conflicts, rudeness, illness, prolonged trouble, overwork, traumatic events are some of the many factors that contribute to the formation of a Non-Okay personality. These conditions
hinder, restrain or stop the normal development of independence and self-actualization. To cope with these negative experiences, children learn to manipulate themselves and others. It is difficult for them to refuse these methods of manipulation in later life, and they often turn into a type of behavior. Okay personalities seek to get rid of them, Non-Okay personalities are chained to them.
Some Non-Okay personalities describe themselves as successful but anxious, successful but trapped, or successful but unhappy.
Others complain that they are completely exhausted, weak-willed, unable to strive for anything, "half-dead" or boring to death. Non-Okay personalities cannot realize that in most cases they put themselves in a cage, dig a hole for themselves and become bored of themselves.
Non-Okay personalities rarely live in the present; instead, they destroy the present, focusing on memories of the past or expectations of the future.
Non-Okay personalities who live on memories are in the good old days or past personal misfortunes. Longing for the past, Non-Okay personalities either cling to how certain events “could” have happened, or mourn their unhappy fate. Non-Okay individuals feel sorry for themselves and shift the responsibility for their unsatisfactory life to others. Blaming others and justifying oneself are a frequent role of the Non-Okay personality. Non-Okay individuals who live in the past may lament what would have happened if only:
"If only I married someone else …"
"If only I had another job …"
"If only I graduated from school …"
"If only I was beautiful …"
"If only my husband would stop drinking …"
"If only I was born rich …"
"If only I had better parents …"
People who live in the future may dream of some kind of miracle, after
which they can "live happily". Instead of following your
of their own lives, Non-Okay personalities are waiting - waiting for a magical salvation. What a wonderful life will begin when: "When will a handsome prince or an ideal woman finally appear …"
"When I finish school …"
"When the children grow up …"
"When will the new work be presented …"
"When the boss dies …"
"When I get rich …"
In contrast to those who live with the illusion of magical salvation, some Non-Okay individuals live with fear of future misfortune, conjuring up the anticipation that if:
"What if I lose my job …"
"What if I lose my mind …"
"What if something falls on me …"
"What if I break my leg …"
"What if they don't like me …"
"What if I make a mistake …"
By continuously focusing on the future, such Non-Okay personalities experience anxiety in the present. They worry beyond measure because of their premonitions - real or imagined - of checks, paying a bill, love story, crisis, illness, resignation, weather, etc. People who are too immersed in their
doubts, they miss the real possibilities of the present, pass them by.
They occupy their heads with thoughts that are irrelevant at the moment. Their anxiety distorts the perception of reality. Consequently, such people interfere with themselves to see, hear, feel and understand.
Non-Okay personalities are unable to fully use the possibilities of their sensations, their perception is imprecise and incomplete. They see themselves and others in a distorting mirror. Effective use of their abilities in real life is difficult.
Most of their time, Non-Okay personalities play roles by pretending, manipulating, rehearsing the old roles of their childhood; they expend energy in preserving masks, often hiding their real face. For the person playing the role, play itself is often more important than reality.
Non-Okay personalities suppress their ability to direct and
adequate expression of the full spectrum of possible behavior. They may not
suspect the possibility of a different, more productive, fulfilling life path. Non-Okay individuals are afraid to find themselves in new circumstances and previously strive to maintain the status quo, repeating not only their own mistakes, but no less often the mistakes of their family and culture.
Non-Okay individuals avoid mutual intimacy (attachment) and do not engage in honest and candid relationships with others. Instead, Non-Okay individuals try to manipulate others to act according to their expectations. The powers of the Non-Okay personality are also often directed towards living in accordance with the expectations of others.
People who are Non-Okay personalities do not use their mental faculties in the best way, directing them to rationalization and intellectualization. With rationalization, Non-Okay individuals try to give plausible pretexts to their actions. When intellectualized, they tend to bombard others with empty eloquence. Therefore, many of their opportunities remain hidden, unrealized and unconscious. Like the fairy-tale Frog Princess, Non-Okey personalities are bewitched and live in this life, being someone else, and not themselves.
I wish each of you to change for the better!
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