Perhaps Love Is Not At All What You Think Of It

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Perhaps love is not at all what you think about it … This huge mass of images, ideas, fantasies, illusions, mixed with the beliefs and values of your personal environment - which is reflected in your mind - is not at all what allows a couple to come to a healthy and happy family.

In fact, what is presented by culture and mass media is not even a feeling, but real chemistry. What is commonly called love, in fact, attraction and falling in love is the most that neither is, so sweet and destructive and unyielding to will - it is just a flurry of hormones. If you are at the beginning of a relationship - or more often even before a relationship, then these are dopamines and endorphins, which are formed as a result of long fantasies about a relationship with an attractive object.

If the object is a woman, and she does not immediately become available, she is surrounded by your competitors, then this is also adrenaline! It evokes, as in a beast of prey, your adrenaline and natural program to fight and win.

With women, the situation is much more neglected. If she brought such a bundle out of the family, on a mixture with adernaline (pleasure + adrenaline based on punishment, suffering, pain) and she can choose such rapists so that the attack of the adrenaline hormone continues throughout life together, and the center is in the brain of pleasure, that located near the center of aggression - will ensure the constant operation of this mechanism. And someone else asks the question: why a woman CANNOT leave her beating husband? From a beating husband in every possible way - emotional, sexual, economic violence - all types of violence cause pain and suffering, and at the same time pleasure. This is chemistry … It defies the will of man. This is so - it does not give in, therefore it requires other types of resources (besides one will).

And what is love that will give the joy of being together for a couple? This is not at all the chemistry we talked about here. It's all the time to double-check: are you good with me? Is it good for me to be with him? So I didn't hurt you? If yes, then I will do my best not to repeat this. Even if I need to turn to other people for help, even if I feel somewhat uncomfortable and ashamed to talk about my shortcomings - but I will do it, because our relationship is dear to me!

Love is not hormonal use! After all, now, no matter how shocking it may sound to you, but these surges of hormones and the subconscious artificially causing these surges is comparable to the use of alcohol, drugs and other chemicals. And the fact that a person with romantic fantasies, psychological games (violence, betrayal, etc.) tries again and again to induce this volcano of hormone release at the chemical level - this in his view is "love", this is what is almost valuable for Earth, and this should be supported and encouraged in every possible way. And this is in every possible way supported and encouraged by the culture! But what is our culture? Let's think about this.

A culture that in all its aspects contains more material about sick love, about an attraction involved in the release of a hormone and the use of this state as a drug. A culture in which the value of life is lower than the value of this out-of-the-ordinary understanding - states of peak hormonal surges, even artificially induced. For example, when the hero chooses a partner for a relationship precisely in the format of a possible prolongation of euphoria and hormonal surges, such as adrenaline (for example, Othello).

In fact, humanity, in comparison with the existence of the earth, lives only for a moment and this culture, created by a sick and neurotic most often author who is in a state of hormonal intoxication, is perhaps only the first step in general in the development of culture on planet Earth. And maybe - to which science is already coming - over time, the next step will be precisely the creation of another layer of culture based on healthy manifestations of love in a couple.

Why is the world likely to come to this transformation? Because the parallels have already been drawn, and I said about them, as you remember. The use of hormones is similar to the use of drugs and it leads to the same dire consequences. When the reasons for sick relationships based on hormonal use were analyzed (this is … of course the family, the environment where the person grew up and learned to use this way) - these are manifestations in the present (a series of unhappy relationships or unhappy loneliness), these are the consequences emanating from not quite adequate behavior (remember, we are under hormones, as under a dose?).

The consequences, I already wrote about them in an article about unhappy marriages. Why was there such a violent reaction? It is not surprising … After all, this information to some extent confronts not only a whole layer of culture, which permeates your consciousness. This information is in conflict with your habitual use of your own hormones! And these are no longer just words - this already provokes a feeling of fear associated with withdrawal symptoms. When an addict quits drug use, what happens? Breaking. And it hurts and scares to some extent. It's as if I told a drug addict that he needs to stop using drugs. Or try to say to an alcoholic: "Stop drinking" … His first reaction will always be a universal protest.

But if you think about the consequences of this use … Diseases caused by constant stress, when the heart can not stand it, accidents as a result of domestic violence, accidents as a result of an inadequate reaction on the road, for example, when a person does not see a car going to him because of unhappy love … Suicidal outcomes of romantic suffering, etc. … And the same consequences for our children who grow up in such use …

But we still do not know how to live differently! We weren't taught other relationships, were we? We were not taught how to build our day, how much of our time should be devoted to relationships, and how much work? Who is responsible for the relationship? Both, a man or a woman (she sits at home with a child, which means that she does nothing, even if she deals with relationship problems - she must create love at home?): "Because of you, my mother and I always fight."

And maybe it was so with you! You may be 35, and you are still responsible for the problems in your parents' relationships. And you already have 35 years of experience of non-stop production of adrenaline, when they swear and are going to get divorced … But you have no family … You somehow got divorced, and rarely see your children … You were somehow unlucky in love … But no luck is it? Or are you just repeating a performance familiar from childhood? And you are the protagonist of your heartbreaking drama …

Personally, I see such a logical course of social change. As mankind begins to think more and more about healthy eating, healthy sleep, healthy building a business, sooner or later it will still think about healthy love …

Healthy love is mutual respect, clear boundaries and rules, care, balance. This is the state of both partners, when they deliberately refuse hormonal use, when the time of betrayal, scandals, violence, pain, humiliation and suffering is passing, when everything is clear, clear and understandable. When it's calm. Oh, then why are these hormones given to man by nature, you ask? And I will answer.

Endorphins and dopamines (hormones of happiness and pleasure) should be produced not only from interaction with a partner. The whole life of both partners should be organized in such a way that everyone could be happy separately. This time. Adrenalin? It can be useful OUTSIDE THE FAMILY! When it is important for a person to create space for his family, when he is faced with natural disasters, which are already enough in the world, with natural phenomena - such as the pain of loss, how to move towards something new - for example, moving, etc. The family must to be not a place of war and loss of human strength, but a place that gives energy and strength to external victories - outside the family. But here, too, it is important to maintain a balance. A healthy response to stress, loss, struggle is not a subconscious provocation of a scenario of struggle, sacrifice in your life, but an even distribution of the time of your life in all important areas. If it is used, it is always associated with a loop on the object, causing a strong surge of harmonics. And it can be not only an attractive man, an attractive woman, but also work, sports, religion.

Nature still conceived, I see so that we were NOT KRYSKOY PAVLOV, without stopping pressing the pedal of pleasure, until complete exhaustion and early death. I think that our nature still leads us to self-acceptance and healthy living a full-fledged inner and outer life. After all, what is HEALTHY? This is the one who is full of strength, fully realizing himself and using his energy. It means that a sick relationship based on unconscious non-stop pressing on the pedal of a hormonal explosion is a looped relationship that does not give an opportunity to know all facets of LOVE and SEX, all facets of RELATIONSHIP, all possible facets of life … Sick relationships are not love, it is just the use of adrenaline hormones (struggle, danger) and endorphins with dopamine (endless intoxication fixated on itself) and others, perhaps not quite studied ….

When you listen to such "romantic" songs (poems, films, books) such as "I am yours - a drug …", "We cannot live without each other" … what experiences, fantasies, dreams or memories do you touch on a deep, unconscious level?

In the photo is a painting by Leonid Afremov