On The Verge Of Divorce Or Overcoming Dislike

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Each family faces difficulties and when the conflict is not resolved, they think about divorce. And in order to understand how to keep a family on the verge of divorce, it is recommended to read the advice of psychologist J. Gottman.

The problem of divorce remains relevant in different countries of the world, regardless of the economic and social situation. Scientists acknowledge that the institution of marriage is in crisis everywhere, up to the Land of the Rising Sun, where divorce was not accepted earlier. Is there a panacea for divorce? It is difficult to answer unequivocally. But scientists were able to identify common signs characteristic of families on the verge of divorce. Having analyzed their family relationships on them, couples will think about the possibility of risk.

Typically, the first problems start with criticism, sarcasm, and contempt. Someone from the couple, more often a man, reacts emphatically painfully to any criticism, and ignores the partner's neutral statements. Thus, attacks from one partner lead to emotional fatigue in the other. Emotional alienation sets in, and people who once love each other begin to live in parallel worlds.

When one of the partners begins to "release on the brakes" all conflicts and scandals, while the other half is trying to find a solution to the problem. That is, one of the partners suddenly begins to avoid conflicts, although earlier, usually, everything was different. Not receiving proper reinforcement and interest, the “conflicting” partner begins to experience a feeling of innuendo and incomprehensibility, which later turns into a feeling of indifference. The emotions that arise even during a scandal are extremely important and can even be useful in strengthening a marriage. Indifference is a dangerous sign that only exacerbates the problem of relationships.

However, it is also necessary to conflict correctly in the barge. The most dangerous in the heat of a quarrel are accusations, derogatory comments, the transition from assessing the situation to assessing personal merit. Even when the quarrel is over, the resentment will remind of itself at every opportunity. It is always difficult for a person to forget a situation in which his personal dignity was humiliated.

Constant criticism and contempt of one partner in relation to another deprives the latter of self-confidence, vitality, provokes a depressed state and even situational depression. Usually, this aggressive-derogatory behavior is observed in one of the partners. The risk of divorce in this case is average, due to the fact that the criticized partner most often cannot step over his fears and decide to break up. But this situation can change at any time, as soon as he finds emotional support from the outside: parents, friends, colleagues or a psychologist.

A latent conflict between partners is also considered a critical sign. This happens in couples where for a long time some contradictions between partners are not resolved, where the spouses seem to "get stuck" in one place and do not strive to move forward, postponing the solution of the problem until later or hoping that over time everything will be resolved by itself. The longer the conflict lasts, the higher the likelihood of a negative outcome.

American psychologist John Gottman, himself a divorce survivor in his life, offers spouses seven steps to maintain family relationships:

1. Don't delay seeking help. Feeling that something is wrong with their marriage, the average couple prefers to wait 6 years before seeking professional help. About half of all marriages fall apart after 7 years.

2. "Filter" your statements. Couples who tend to criticize each other less when discussing sensitive issues feel happier.

3. Touch the problem carefully. Many controversies begin with claims and / or criticism. This is a surefire way to get bogged down in emotions, discussing old grievances and deeds of days gone by, and thus depriving yourself of hope for a constructive solution to the problem.

4. Listen to your partner's wishes. Partnership is possible only when both spouses are able to meet each other halfway. Usually women do it well, but it doesn't hurt men to master the art of compromise. For example, a husband must be willing to change his plans at the request of his wife. Otherwise, he risks his marriage a lot.

5. Don't be afraid to raise the bar. Successful marriages are those in which partners refuse to tolerate neglect from the very beginning. Oddly enough, the lower the level of tolerance for such behavior of the partner, the happier the couple will be.

6. Try to end the dispute before the situation gets out of hand. Learn to retreat! Remember: quarrels in marriage are sometimes reminiscent of aikido, where sometimes you have to give in to win. Your spouse needs to constantly demonstrate that you respect his feelings and appreciate what he does. Use the phrases "I am grateful / grateful and I want to thank you for …", "I understand how difficult it is for you …", "This is our common problem." When an argument turns into an argument, take a time out of 20 minutes. Return to the discussion when both have "cooled down" and are ready to discuss the issue in a calm state.

7. Think good and, even in a quarrel, focus on this your attention. In a happy marriage, spouses, discussing problems, say to each other 5 times more pleasant things than unpleasant ones.

There are many reasons people get divorced. But psychological illiteracy and a lack of kindness lead to the collapse of many relationships. Problems, everyday life, routine, home, children, troubles, minor insults are gradually displacing a great feeling and the spouses begin to move away from each other, putting less and less effort into the relationship.

In most marriages, the level of satisfaction drops dramatically during the first years together. Couples who have lived together for many years are distinguished by a kind attitude and ability to communicate constructively with each other.