2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
"We are all born princes and princesses, but as we are raised, they make us a frog."
Recently, more and more often articles have come across in which the authors try to express their point of view on the question of who real men are. In fact, it all comes down to the division into types and categories. I have identified the following types: assholes, alfasams, high-frequency, mid-frequency and low-frequency. And many different others, probably only a very lazy author did not try to express his opinion on this issue. I will not be an exception and will contribute to the study of this topic.
In the field of relationship psychology, the frequency leader is the request for how to create a harmonious relationship. This is followed by a long story about their merits, achievements and sincere bewilderment why, with all this set of perfections, it is not possible to meet a real man.
Working with such requests, I ask women a counter question: “Who, in your understanding, is a real man? What should he know and be able to do?"
So, the TOP 5 answers are as follows:
to support and love;
to financially provide;
to solve my problems;
to feel support and a strong back;
to have children and have sex.
It turns out that a real man is a set of functions that must be performed in a relationship with a woman. Moreover, the first four functions are very close to those of the father, not the male partner. If a man has the imprudence not to meet the above functions, then he automatically becomes an asshole and not a real one.
Suppose you are lucky enough to meet a "real man." You hit the jackpot in a game called "Life" and live with a man for many happy years. Is it possible to ALWAYS, all the long years together, so that a man loves, supports, cares for you every day? You can imagine that this is possible and live in your own illusions. But the truth of life is different.
Living together is like traveling to the mountains. Ascents, descents, observation platforms, falls, injuries, defeats and the ascent of new peaks - all this is an integral part of any relationship. Nobody promised that it would be easy. In mature relationships, roles change frequently. The change itself is perceived as an opportunity to grow and move to a new level of trust and intimacy. The family is a team sport, where everyone's success is equal to the overall success. The whole is always greater than the individual parts. In a family team, there are no leaders or followers, there are no permanently designated responsibilities, each position is equally important and invaluable. Expecting consistency means being deceived by the illusion of stability and unwillingness to face difficulties. How is stability in a relationship? Is it stable good? Or maybe it’s so good that it’s already sick of the good. The straight line looks stable on the defibrillator monitor when it was not possible to save the patient. A graphic representation of a relationship is a straight line of fluctuation. In a stable relationship, growth and overcoming stops, and without this, a journey through the mountains of life is impossible. On this journey, it is important not to entrust your life to other hands, but to walk shoulder to shoulder, to be responsible for our own safety, to lend a helping hand to someone in trouble in time. This means that at some point on the way, the man will be the leader, the guide, and you will be the closing one. And in the next moment everything can change, which means at this stage of your life you need to be stronger and lead.
The relationship between a man and a woman is not a male-female interaction. This is a search for harmony between masculine and feminine principles in us. The female part dreams of stability, care and love. The male part is movement and development. The search for a real man essentially boils down to finding your inner man in the Other. Loving yourself, taking care of yourself, being your support and support, the ability to solve your own problems - this is the synergy of the masculine and feminine principles in us. When we can get this inside ourselves, from our Center, to find inner balance and support, the need to look for a real man will disappear. In this case, a woman does not act from a deficit state, not from a state of eternal search for her soul mate, but from a state of dignity and value. It was then that the opportunity for love and intimacy would appear in her life.
A real man is not a set of functions that are absent in us. A real man is a beloved man, a dear person.
A native person is someone with whom you can talk for hours or just be silent, without fear of prolonged pauses.
A beloved man is one whose pain and defeat are perceived more painfully than their own.
A beloved is the one you love not from a state of scarcity, but from a state of freedom. Beloved - the one you love not "because of", but "in spite of everything."
Loving is the willingness to be there when you need to and to move away a little when the space is not enough for two.
To love is not to demand absolute sincerity from a partner, since you understand that by doing so you are depriving him of his personal territory. Insincerity appears where people think they cannot be understood.
To love is not to shout about feelings at every corner, but to respect every second and not walk with your feet on your personal spiritual territory.
To love is not to be an extension of each other, but to keep a balance between loneliness and merging.
Loving is not about idealizing the other, but realizing that everything that happens on the part of the partner should be viewed as feedback to one's own behavior.
To love is not to please another, but to fight for every inch of personal territory. Our relationship with a partner is built according to the template of a relationship with oneself.
To love is to let your partner doubt, be weak, indecisive. This understanding that close relationships are impossible without difficulties, this is a daily choice in favor of working on oneself and on relationships.
Loving is the courage to show your vulnerability, sensitivity, courage to be real, to open your heart towards true intimacy.
Loving is not a story about unconditional love for a partner. Self-love is the starting point for a relationship with the Other. A person who loves himself will never allow the concepts of "we are ours" and "I am mine" to the detriment of each other. To love is to speak boldly about your feelings, desires and to hear the feelings of the Other.
Loving is allowing yourself to feel conflicting feelings about your partner. Love and hate, anger and admiration, distance and closeness will be constant companions of your life. Unresolved issues and low-key feelings out of fear of harming the relationship will eventually build an insurmountable wall. Conflicts are not an obstacle, but an invitation to agree, to become truly close. A sincere exchange of views is an opportunity for our hearts not to close one another.
“This is the basic requirement of love:“I accept a person as he is.”And love never tries to change another person according to its own idea. You will not try to cut a person here and there to fit him to the size that is created everywhere, all over the world."
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