2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
From birth, we need to reflect ourselves in other people.
Through others, we better understand ourselves, our similarities and differences from others, our boundaries.
If the reflection does not correspond to reality, self-perception is distorted.
In adulthood, we also need to reflect ourselves in others.
But how to survive when they try to substitute reality for you? When you get hit gaslighting (a form of psychological violence, the purpose of which is to make the victim doubt the adequacy of his perception of the surrounding reality) and when you seem to become the heroine of the film "Girl on the Train".
When you:
- make you doubt your memory;
- make you think about your emotional stability and adequacy;
- diminish intellectual ability;
- emphasize the apparent age, gender, physiological incompetence;
- deny feelings and facts that are important to a person.
- Gaslighters tell open lies. Even if you know that this is a lie, they will insist on their own.
- They deny that they said certain things even when you have proof to the contrary.
- Gaslighters hit the dearest. If your job is important to you, your professionalism will be questioned. If children - will convince you that you are not coping with motherhood / fatherhood.
- They are draining. Constant lies, caustic comments, humiliation. So you lose the strength to fight, and you also get used to it and gradually begin to believe them.
- Their actions do not match their words.
- They may suddenly start complimenting you, giving you compliments, which further confuses you.
- Gaslighters are accused. Even where they themselves are to blame, they will turn the situation not in your favor.
- They seek to convince you that other people will not support you. That others think you are insane, or will if they get to know you better.
- Gaslighters tell you or others that you are inadequate.
To withstand such a relationship is tantamount to withstanding the torture of the KGB (they did have a similar system of sending "unreliable" people to psychiatric hospitals).
There is no point in proving your right or wrong to the gaslighter. Whatever arguments you give, they will be twisted or refuted.
It is often tempting, strange as it may sound, to blame yourself for the situation. In this case, we get at least some kind of support, we create a cause-and-effect relationship. Then it seems that if you act differently, the partner will also change the behavior. There can be many such attempts in the hope of arriving at an adequate response from another.
But this expectation will probably not be justified.
Your support is other people. Come out, speak. Do not withdraw into yourself. Remember that reflection in other people is important to us? Provide yourself with a varied environment. Check your experiences with other strangers.
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