2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Each of us at least once in his life faced a situation when he wanted to help, but in the end it turned out "thanked". Also, many have heard phrases such as "do not ask, do not do", "you were not asked to interfere, why did you climb" and etc.
What happens to those we want to help? Why don't they give our efforts the value we put in? And why is it important to ask for help?
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Solution.
With our help, we deprive a person of making a decision. The person who makes the decision himself either looks at the situation from all sides in advance, or when faced with various pitfalls, he is ready to bypass them. He can also abandon his decision if the burden is not strong enough. In any case, he is faced one-on-one with a life situation and acts in accordance with his goals, values, beliefs, opportunities, and so on.
When we make our own decisions, we:
- we take into account or are ready for financial losses;
- are ready to ask for help. And this is very important, since many people cannot ask for help.
- ready to negotiate;
- are ready to reconsider their actions;
- we meet with risks or are ready for them;
- ready to face a negative result. And if they are not ready, then they are able to draw a conclusion, learn from this result.
- do not devalue the efforts of people who help us in achieving the goal;
- we feel ourselves in a fairly strong position.
Accordingly, if a decision is made with the help of other people, or it is not fully adopted by us, then all of the above points acquire opposite sides.
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Responsibility.
By helping, we relieve responsibility. We partially relieve the responsibility of those we help. In case something goes wrong, the person can blame us. And when he accuses, it means that the person is not fully aware of his responsibility.
We must understand that when we are helped, the responsibility in any case lies with us. If we choose a helper, then it is our choice and trust in him. Or honestly admit to ourselves that in fact, we want to shrug off responsibility from ourselves, so that in case of failure, conflict, disagreement, etc. with a clear conscience, we can entwine a person in this.
Since responsibility is a rather heavy burden, many are ready to share it. Also, many are ready to find a justified way to get rid of responsibility. By the way, illness is one of the ways to get rid of responsibility.
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Immaturity.
We support a person's immaturity. He will continue to do what he did, and in case he was always helped, he will constantly count on the help of others. In most cases, this help is provided to him on a silver platter. As a rule, such people are compassionate parents, relatives or friends who are in a position and always help. They help because they see this immaturity, the inability to do something. In fact, all these compassionate people only block the growing up of their relatives, friends, second halves.
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Help.
If a person needs help, he must be able to ask for it. He must learn to negotiate. By giving a person what he needs, we deprive him of the opportunity to learn how to ask for help and negotiate.
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Depreciation.
Everything that is given for free does not have the value that arises when we ourselves achieve something. Or at least we understand how difficult it is sometimes to get something. When a person is laid hay, at the moment of falling, sooner or later he will devalue this hay. The person absolutely does not understand your efforts. Those who understand do not devalue))))
If you help someone, then you help yourself first of all. Therefore, while helping, let the right hand not know what the left hand is doing, and let the left hand forget about its actions. Done and forgotten. And also remember that there are so many grateful people. And the phrase about good intentions is not suitable for everyone)))) If out of 10 people 1 showered you with gratitude, then for the remaining 9 they were just in order to hear this 1 grateful.
Facing frustration after being helped?
We draw conclusions and move on. Good for all.
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