The Road Will Be Mastered By The Walking

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-31 14:10

From the author: Each person is the blacksmith of his own happiness. My client shares her difficult life story. Publishing with

her consent.

At 30, I finally took responsibility for my life. Entirely and completely, without any reservations or amendments. Responsibility for all the successes and failures, for all my mistakes and mistakes and, finally, for the position in which I found myself by the age of 30 … But I ended up alone, with two children from different fathers, with two unsuccessful marriages behind me, with great disappointment in people in general, in men in particular, and, of course, in myself. In poverty, with a lot of debt. And with a huge lump of internal problems, fears, resentments, guilt and lack of self-confidence and self-love. 2017 began for me with an ever-increasing depression, which by the spring came to a pre-suicidal state.

But I'll tell you my background. I began to live an independent life early - at the age of 14, I, a naive village girl, excellent pupil, was sent to study in the capital of the region, so that my extraordinary abilities would not be wasted. But a complete change of environment, social circle and the need to adapt to new, harsh living conditions without parental support led to the fact that instead of developing my abilities, I became "like everyone else", trying to be like my rapidly growing up and largely spoiled urban peers … Study faded into the background. After leaving school, I did not even try to enter the best university in the city and region - I was just afraid and considered it unimportant. Although now I understand that I could very well, and I would. I entered an inexpensive commercial university, but after a year my studies were abandoned - I became pregnant. The child's father was not very ready for a family in his 20s, and after vain attempts to live together and maintain a relationship for the sake of his daughter, we still fled. So, at the age of 19, I became a single mom with a baby in my arms. I have matured, there is nothing to say … I returned to the village to my mother, where behind my back "kind" fellow villagers, and even my relatives, whispered - they say, "I brought it in the hem." My mother didn’t turn her back on me, for that I am grateful to her. The rest I went through and got sick.

A little over a year later I went to work in the city, my daughter went to kindergarten. My really adult and independent life began. At the same time, I went to get higher education - in absentia, rather for show

Over these 5 years, I have grown professionally, starting with a sales assistant in a cellular phone store and coming to the head of a branch of a small manufacturing company. In the meantime, there was also an attempt to build your own business. But the lack of financial pragmatism, as well as a very large family problem, which required serious financial expenses, led to the fact that by the age of 26 I already had a lot of debts.

During this period, I decide to move to St. Petersburg - I was offered to open a branch of our company in this city. Well, the divorce and the desire to start life from scratch helped me to remove all doubts and agree to such a serious step.

Having moved, I experience an incredible emotional upsurge - a new city, an interesting job, a new life … After a divorce, I look good. And, as it seems to me, good internally - because I understand what was wrong in my previous marriage and I will not make these mistakes in the next relationship. Again the same rake. Again the desire to find happiness in a man. But more about errors and conclusions later …

I am mired in materialism. The desire to make money, to distribute debts, and at the same time to meet a good man - that was all that occupied my mind. And I met a man. Military, noble - almost a prince, only a white horse is missing. An incredible passion flares up between us. I thought that I had met true love of incredible strength … And the alarm bells in the form of his periodic violent emotional outbursts, groundless jealousy, as well as "pampering" with alcohol did not alert me at all. Pink glasses with thick lenses of illusions and fantasies sat on me like a glove. How painful it was to rip them off afterwards when they crashed …

After the wedding, I leave everything - the city, friends, work - and leave with my daughter for my husband, who is being transferred to Kaliningrad. I find myself completely cut off from the rest of my familiar world. And I also find out that I am pregnant with my second child. Life has changed dramatically. My husband relaxed and began to show himself in all its glory - psychological tyranny, daily drinking with scandals up to assault, complete irresponsibility for the family, impulsivity, reaching the point of inadequacy, reproaches against me that I am pregnant - I sit at home and do not work, and to this all was added complete poverty, such that sometimes there was nothing to buy a piece of bread … My worst fears came true - my tyrant husband, an alcoholic, psychologically unstable and sometimes inadequate, who completely suppressed my will, destroyed me morally, finally killed, I believe in myself and love for myself, and also poverty, misunderstanding of how and on what to live and, moreover, how to give birth to a second child. Rose-colored glasses cracked, clouds of illusion dissipated, a cruel and terrifying reality was revealed. There could be no talk of divorce - he would not let me go. But I was able to "push through" the return move to St. Petersburg. Small, but a victory. They returned, gave birth to a son - a healthy boy, almost 4700 gr. But the happiness of fatherhood and moving back did not change her husband. I decided to run away from him, literally. I worked remotely at the computer for several hours a day. She began to save a little money, saving up to escape from her husband. Now I understand how crazy and abnormal it sounds. But then I was scared. I was exhausted and turned into a shadow. And I could no longer fight him openly. The bottom line - choosing the right moment, while he was away, I packed my things and with the children, the youngest of whom was only 8 months old, left my husband. Start from scratch again. Again from scratch.

For 2 years I came to my senses, after all that nightmare, which was my second marriage. For 2 years I have been reassessing values and restructuring my inner worldview. I understood many mistakes. I didn't want a man anymore. I wanted to understand myself. 2 years of active introspection, attempts to know myself, people, the world around me, self-flagellation and feelings of guilt for a broken life - all this led me to the deepest depression. This is how my 2017 began. I found myself in a dead end, from which I could not see a gap. I was torn apart by intrapersonal conflicts between my true, unrealized beginning and between the mask-armor, the role of an independent independent woman-man, which I had become in order to survive. They were torn apart by resentments, past wounds, fears, mistrust of oneself and people, complexes, self-doubt, self-dislike. And also the lack of prospects at work and the achievement of the salary ceiling, above which I could not jump. Debts grew, money was constantly lacking. Everything inside me got mixed up. All my hopes, dreams, principles, prevailing views and internal attitudes, goals and priorities, illusions and fantasies - everything collapsed. Not one by one, but all at once. Everything was broken. Turned into ruins, dust. Inside there was chaos from the debris of it all. I thought I couldn’t stand it. I thought I was going crazy. There was a desire to stop all this madness, stop BEING, stop existing … It was the climax, the boiling point, the burnout point.

But I got through this terrible moment. And from this minus it passed into the "zero" state. The internal chaos subsided, a plain, a wasteland appeared. As if a line was drawn that divided my life into "before" and "after". My depression lasted more than 4 months. In May, I started to get out of it. And now, on the vacant lot that had arisen, it was necessary to build a new oneself. More precisely, not to build a new oneself, but to recognize the real oneself. But there was no understanding of how to do this. I decided to take a break. And then miracles began. First, a good part-time job appeared, which became an excellent help in solving financial problems. I immersed myself in this work, which finally helped me get out of depression. And after a while, it also led to the idea of giving up the current main job. It is at this moment that I receive an offer of another job from a person I know, which I accept without hesitation, because the planned income on it exceeds my current one, and the working conditions are much more interesting.

An incredible emotional and spiritual uplift begins. At the same time, male attention surrounds me - more and more fans appear. But they are not necessary to me and not interesting. I'm focused on myself. My creativity wakes up - I start writing poetry. Inspiration comes almost every day and does not leave me now.

Further more. My new job pleases me more and more: here I work less than anywhere else, and on the contrary, I earn many times more. There is no income ceiling and there are great prospects for professional development. Change of work and, accordingly, its territorial position and schedule leads to the fact that I have to temporarily send my son (he is 3 years old) to my mother in another region until I move closer to work and organize his transfer to another kindergarten, because 4 hours a day I spent only on public transport - to work and back. The confidence that everything will turn out the way I want did not leave me for a minute. Only a positive attitude, only a clear and clear intention - to organize the life of your family (daughter at this moment is 11 years old) in a way that is convenient and prosperous for all of us. Well, and finally, to take the younger son to her. Well, I see a goal - I don't see any obstacles … Moving is organized - a very good rented apartment was found, at an affordable price, a 2-minute walk from the metro, a 10-minute walk from work, and also without a realtor, which means - without overpayment. The transfer of the eldest daughter to a new school was organized in 1 day - the school is also very close to home. Well, the logical conclusion of all this global "perestroika" - transfer to kindergarten … My chances were close to zero. But even then a miracle happened - we were given a place in the garden 5 minutes from the house !!! In the middle of the school year, in a nice densely populated area of St. Petersburg, where the kindergartens are overcrowded. That's it - in 1 day! Magic, and only, others will say … But I do not strongly believe in luck and magic. But I believe in the power of thought and intention.

And 2 months before these events, Damian enters my life somehow quite by accident, it would seem. By chance, a friend came across his video "Live Coaching Session" and advised me to watch it. I saw many similarities in our situations with the heroine. She pushed me to make the first call to him and just ask how to get to him for coaching. And now 2 months have passed since the beginning of our sessions. Awesome 2 months, which have already helped me to become more self-confident, slowly begin to love myself, and avoid mistakes and steps "on the same rake." And this is just the beginning, I know. It will be better further.

This very difficult year is coming to an end, but it is simply amazing in how deep a life revolution it brings.

What conclusions and revaluations have I come to so far (perhaps they will change and grow with me, but at this stage it is):

1. Only I am responsible for my life and guilty of all my mistakes and failures - my way of life and thinking. Thought is not just material - it has tremendous power. And the law of attraction works 100%.

2. Only I can change my life. But not by attempts to change her external conditions - to find a new man, a new job, to leave for a new place. But only by changing yourself from the inside. And nothing else. It is more difficult, but only this can lead to real changes on the outside. Otherwise - walking in circles and periodic meetings with the same rake.

3. The Lord is there. This is the Upper Power, the Universal Mind, the Creator - you can name it in different ways. And my faith does not consist in strict adherence to Orthodox canons and rituals. She is deep in my heart. And believing in the Lord, I do not contradict myself, saying that man is the creator of his life. The Lord gives us the main thing - life and CHOICE. And already a person chooses … He chooses his attitude to certain things, chooses a reaction to situations and other people, chooses between good and evil, light and darkness, love and hate. Chooses the direction of his WAY - and the Lord illuminates this path.

4. Happiness is not outside, happiness is inside. And often very little is needed for it. We ourselves draw ourselves the conditions and framework under which, it would seem, we will become happy. But conditions are not needed. And all the frames and borders are only in our head.

5. I want to be a mother to my children. Not an eternally tired and haggard gray routine and everyday problems, a miserable woman who is only formally listed as a mother. And a loving, caring mother. Not ideal, but by her behavior she shows a good life example. And it is better to raise children in an incomplete family, but full of love and harmony, than in a complete formal (with 2 parents), but with a completely unhealthy atmosphere.

6. Money is not the main thing. Again a banal truth. And it is after going through utter poverty and finding yourself in a huge minus in terms of debt, you begin to understand this.

7. For happiness, a woman does not have to be with a man. And happiness is not in a man. We are looking for love only because we do not have this love in ourselves. You can add care, attention, unfulfillment, etc. to love. etc. - we have a bunch of" title="Image" />

What conclusions and revaluations have I come to so far (perhaps they will change and grow with me, but at this stage it is):

1. Only I am responsible for my life and guilty of all my mistakes and failures - my way of life and thinking. Thought is not just material - it has tremendous power. And the law of attraction works 100%.

2. Only I can change my life. But not by attempts to change her external conditions - to find a new man, a new job, to leave for a new place. But only by changing yourself from the inside. And nothing else. It is more difficult, but only this can lead to real changes on the outside. Otherwise - walking in circles and periodic meetings with the same rake.

3. The Lord is there. This is the Upper Power, the Universal Mind, the Creator - you can name it in different ways. And my faith does not consist in strict adherence to Orthodox canons and rituals. She is deep in my heart. And believing in the Lord, I do not contradict myself, saying that man is the creator of his life. The Lord gives us the main thing - life and CHOICE. And already a person chooses … He chooses his attitude to certain things, chooses a reaction to situations and other people, chooses between good and evil, light and darkness, love and hate. Chooses the direction of his WAY - and the Lord illuminates this path.

4. Happiness is not outside, happiness is inside. And often very little is needed for it. We ourselves draw ourselves the conditions and framework under which, it would seem, we will become happy. But conditions are not needed. And all the frames and borders are only in our head.

5. I want to be a mother to my children. Not an eternally tired and haggard gray routine and everyday problems, a miserable woman who is only formally listed as a mother. And a loving, caring mother. Not ideal, but by her behavior she shows a good life example. And it is better to raise children in an incomplete family, but full of love and harmony, than in a complete formal (with 2 parents), but with a completely unhealthy atmosphere.

6. Money is not the main thing. Again a banal truth. And it is after going through utter poverty and finding yourself in a huge minus in terms of debt, you begin to understand this.

7. For happiness, a woman does not have to be with a man. And happiness is not in a man. We are looking for love only because we do not have this love in ourselves. You can add care, attention, unfulfillment, etc. to love. etc. - we have a bunch of

8. Having realized and accepted point 1, I should not get dirty in a sense of guilt and a sense of duty. Feelings of guilt are generally very destructive. This does not mean that now it is necessary to forget about conscience. But there is no need to engage in self-flagellation. The measure and the golden mean are good in everything. And right there we can say about my mother and relatives, who safely for years cultivated a feeling of guilt in me and sat on my neck. I am not responsible for them. And I don't want to feel indebted to anyone anymore. I don’t want to and I won’t.

9. The past cannot be changed. But you can change your attitude towards him. You need to accept this fact. No matter how much pain and resentment there is. Accept, let go, and thank for all the lessons it taught. This is an experience. I needed it. Without my past, I wouldn't be real.

The list goes on and on. And I'm not saying that I have 100% realized and accepted my own conclusions and follow them. The influence of past habits is still great. But I'm working on myself. I work hard. I become a contemplator, observer, creator of my life. Learning to trust myself. I am learning to love myself. I am learning to throw off interfering shackles out of a sense of duty and guilt towards anyone but myself and my children. I am learning to be happy here and now. And I succeed. I feel that I am starting to LIVE now, and not survive, being happy only in dreams and fantasies. I feel that nothing is impossible in my life and I can control it. My world is filled with new emotions, sensations, impressions. It's like I'm starting to feel - only now really …

"The road will be mastered by the one walking" - and I go to knowledge of myself, to love for myself, to happiness and my wonderful future, being in a wonderful present. I thank everyone and everyone who helps me on this path.

_

Alyona

Posted by:

Sinai Damian,

leadership coach, expert psychoanalyst,