2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Several client stories about sexual abuse at a very young age. And if I can't talk about clients, then what prevents me from discussing the story of the heroine of the TV series "In treatment", Laura, a thirty-year-old beauty who at the time of the events in the series has been attending therapy for a year. According to the plot, she confesses her love to her therapist, and he painfully deals with the situation - whether it is an erotic transference, or real feelings. I can get a little confused about the ages, as real stories overlap, but Laura tells how her first sexual contact happened in her 15 years with a man who was much older than her. She insisted that she herself wanted it, that it was normal for her to remember about it and did not feel anything special about it. Yes, at that time the mother was dying, and the father, being depressed from the loss of his wife, moved away from his daughter and “did not notice” how a family friend who stayed at their house on business for several weeks was seducing his daughter.
I recalled a recent conversation with a teacher in a family systemic therapy course, who gave an example of a 13-year-old girl being seduced by an unfamiliar adult man, and that this fact itself did not traumatize her, but rather her experiences were about what her mother would find out. Then I thought just about the fact that this first experience at a young age cannot but leave an imprint on psychosexual development in the future. It is one thing when two very young people, adolescents, being in this transitional state of love, either childish or already adult, with desire and attraction, discover the world of adult pleasures, another is the conscious use of the naivety of a young girl who perhaps “she wants sex”, for her own specific purposes. What is it in general for a girl 13, 14, 15, 16 years old to want sex herself? Those physical sensations? The heroine of the film under discussion says: "I wanted him to get me out of this nightmare of grief, and he just fucked me." Romance, idealization, the desire to be liked, to be desired, loved, kissed are exploited by experienced men, and images of Lolita appear in my head. Was being fucked up what she wanted? Truth?
Paul, the psychotherapist on the show, continues the thought of Laura's experience, which resonates very well with my work experience. It would seem that she "wanted it herself," but then all her relationships with men developed rapidly, sex sometimes happened on the very first day of acquaintance - like many modern women. That experience of early seduction made her perceive herself to be of interest only on condition of sexual intimacy. It was difficult for Laura to even imagine that a man could fall in love with her without impetuous sex, and indeed without sex at all.
I am not a sexologist, and I am just getting education in this direction, but I see that, yes, early sex does not have to be traumatic at all and carry some manifestations of post-stress disorder, but what I observe in my work is _how_ this is reflected in the attitude to oneself, to one's body, to the choice of partners, to the perception of men as potential sexual partners, even if it is someone else's husband, boss, husband's friend or neighbor - it's all hard not to notice. And I want to make it visible, yes.
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