2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
When partners break up - no matter who and why left - there is often a feeling of helplessness. It seems like there were "we", but became "I". Together, "we" are strong, and one "I" is so small and defenseless - I feel sorry for myself. And everything falls out of hand, and there is no way to get it together, and there is uncertainty in one's own strengths, abilities and self-esteem. And here is the paradox: the better and more calmly you parted, the more noble your partner behaved, the more trust you retained in him, the harder it is to get used to independent existence.
When a partner can be blamed for all mortal sins, this has its own charm. He automatically - albeit with a stretch - becomes the scapegoat. All dogs can be hung on it, including your own imperfections, fears, failure and projection. But when you realize that your partner is really a worthy person, when it is interesting to be with him and outside of relationships, if he is a good friend and father of your children, somewhere inside is gnawing at a worm. This is a worm of doubt - can I do it myself? Who am I without him? What will happen to me? And even if you parted by mutual agreement without quarrels and tantrums, and even if you agreed on everything and do not want to return anything, confusion still dominates inside.
How to regain self-confidence? How to believe in the possibility of new happiness? How to understand that the past years have been well spent?
Here you need to stop, breathe deeply and remember that none of you was born in this relationship. Both of you are independent individuals who were "before" and will be "after" the end of the partnership.
Finding the right angle is very important to boost your self-esteem. The one from which the minuses turn into pluses. I'm not talking about self-deception when you close your eyes, cover your mirrors and pretend the scars are gone. I mean when you wear scars with pride - as a reminder of invaluable experience, that you have withstood, withstood, survived. The correct perspective is the ability to put together the experience and skills of a past life in such a way as to meet the requirements of the present life.
Be tolerant and patient - first of all towards yourself. Do not rush. Give yourself a chance to recover. Now pain and resentment are raging in you - not necessarily against your partner - more often against yourself - resentment for "losing", "losing time", "insolvency." Your feelings are understandable, but in fact, they are not. Even when we lose, we always gain something.… A ended relationship is not a mistake. This is primarily an experience. Everything that happens in your life matters. Someday you will be able to realize and rethink it. Until then, give yourself a chance to replenish your internal resources. It's okay to be afraid … Do not rush to change something drastically. It will take you time to understand yourself and understand who you have become.
Even if it seems that you have completely dissolved in your partner, forgot what you once knew how and wanted, this is not so. Neither your uniqueness, nor your desires, nor your talents have gone anywhere. Yes, it is likely that all these years they were not in demand and were stored somewhere in the attic of your personality, but the "real you" still exists.
You may first have to find it, collect the missing pieces, shake off the dust and repair it a little. Perhaps at first it will seem ugly and outdated to you, but it certainly exists. AND you will do great. You will remember what you could, correct what you dreamed of and re-evaluate what you appreciated. And you will continue to live - step by step. Itself.
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