2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
- What else can I tell you?
You have to live by the sea, Mom, you have to do what you like, and, if possible, do not complicate anything; It's just a matter of choice, mom: to devour yourself for months for what has not been done, lost and wasted - or decide that the rest of your life is just enough to do everything in time, and get down to business; age to nag his neighbor for what a stupid, clumsy insignificance he is - or to start praising for small achievements and victories, so that he flourishes and feels his own need - since you are still with him, and love him, why spoil the blood for him and for yourself?
Say "of course, you will leave me," and exclaim triumphantly "I knew it!" about what will or will not happen?
Always say “I can't”, “it's stupid to even start” - or don't give a damn about everything once and try? And even if it doesn't work out, invent another way and try again?
Consider anyone who you like to be a deliberately asshole and a sadist, fold your arms over your chest, sarcastically, grinning, say “convince me” - or give up once and say “listen, I'm terrified of how much power you have over me, you awesome, I'm very scared, let's talk?
To be always stubbornly right, as Alena says, and in two moves to make it clear who is the boss here - and in the end remain alone, in an embrace with your idiotic righteousness - or once swallow arrogance, come to make up first, say “I'm ready listen to you, explain to me what's going on”? Since you still think about it all day long?
To be proud and set aside by fate, Nobody-Me-Does-Loves - or take a deep breath and ask for help when needed - and get help, what's the most incredible? Hate for years for how unfairly treated you - or, if it torments you so, call once and ask the quietest of voices "listen, I can't understand why"?
Twenty years to kill yourself for a love that has passed away - or to gather your will into a fist, allow yourself to trust again, open up, start a relationship and be happy? In the second, there is much more valor, in my opinion, than in the first; for the first, no mental effort is required at all.
Read an abomination to yourself and be upset for a week - or shrug your shoulders and think how you sincerely feel sorry for the one who wrote?
Suffer and think that the world is a trashy joke of the Architect of the Matrix, poke at your scars like orders, sadly ironic about the hopelessness of your position - or start admitting to yourself that tasty - tasty, warm - warms, beautiful - makes the eye jubilant, good - smiling, generous - ready to share, and not all of this together is a heavenly mockery, another way to humiliate you?
.. God, it's so simple, mom, this is such an intoxicating feeling of omnipotence - I don't understand why it's not as obvious to everyone as it is to me; everything in the world is just a matter of choice, nothing more; there are no preconditions, predetermines, unattainable peaks; you are your own nail in your boot and a bad omen; it is you who chose to be miserable, worthless and lonely - or happy and needed, no one decided for you, no one is able to decide for you if you are against.
If it's more convenient for you to think so as not to do anything - live as you lived, just don't dare to complain about the circumstances - in a world where people conquer Everests, record multi-platinum discs and siege the most inaccessible beauties, being unknown bespectacled clerks - you have no right to speak, as if something is impossible even in theory.
Yes, for this you need to have will - you just need to choose something and be true to your choice to the end; only that. The Universe is flexible and sensitive material, from it you can mold even Piazza Mattei, even the Solntsevo district - you are the only one who has to choose what to mold.
I believed that it works with any material things, but not with people; if you want money - they will, fame - it will collapse, travel - just assign a route; but the events of recent weeks prove, mom, that the same story is with people, whether they are thrice cold rocks, prickly stars - just stop considering them prickly stars and talk once, as with yourself, alive, warm and frightened - you will be surprised how everything will change, change, mom …
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