LIVE BY THE SEA, CONTINUING TO HEAR THE NOISE OF THE SEA

Video: LIVE BY THE SEA, CONTINUING TO HEAR THE NOISE OF THE SEA

Video: LIVE BY THE SEA, CONTINUING TO HEAR THE NOISE OF THE SEA
Video: Sleep while listening to the quiet sound of the sea in the attic 2024, March
LIVE BY THE SEA, CONTINUING TO HEAR THE NOISE OF THE SEA
LIVE BY THE SEA, CONTINUING TO HEAR THE NOISE OF THE SEA
Anonim

And time after time, with each new layer, I see a new sea in you. And I wonder: how could I think that I see you before? And - what then did I really see? (Traditionally: something different.)

Previously, the ideal relationship was symbiosis - "double world", as I called it then. The two of us, and we don't need anyone else. Never. I wish so never. I see you, fall in love with you, come closer, even closer, closer … - no, I just merge with you, we are one whole, we are Siamese twins and ideal halves. It is the halves that form one whole. Strong crutch for each other. A harmonious blooming world in which there are no quarrels, in which tenderness and solicitude reign. There is peace, but there is no relationship. For a relationship, there must be another person, but in the merger he is simply not there - it is not visible, and I do not want to see. I would like to believe that the other is a complete copy of me, the same as me, in addition, he is better and smarter (more educated, more developed, more therapeutically and meditated). A kind of "I +". Inspirational and uplifting. In addition: completely coinciding with the image of the ideal partner who lives in my head. And I will do everything so that the person does not get out of my projection.

This relationship is the strongest. Golden wedding, never part, die one day. So you stop hearing the noise of the train, living by the railroad. Or the sound of the sea, living on the shore for a long time. So you stop hearing and seeing the other, you begin to “recognize”. Only in order to know at least half of it, in order to feel something for this other, you need to move away. Step back first half a step, then another step. To finally see the one with whom you fall asleep and wake up. To see him differently, so different from himself. See the differences. Try to deal with these differences, with the fact that he is so different from you. Seriously. In general, everything really interesting happens after this very meeting (after a year, five, ten - or it may not happen at all). But it's hard and sometimes painful, so you should avoid it in every possible way.

Entering into a dependent relationship, I manifest: my energy circuit is not closed, I have not yet been born, and the only possible option is to find fathers and mothers in another who can provide me with security in the form of walls and finances in this unpredictable dangerous world. Otherwise, I’m unlikely to survive. Meanwhile, an important function of parents is to teach a child to gradually do without parents, sometimes it is misunderstood. And then we look for a wonderful other, and we put on him this exorbitant burden, this romantic pre-rational image of the ideal parent. And now we are all well over 20, and even our own parents can no longer be "ideal" for us, what can we say that with another, living and adult person, this is impracticable - alas, he cannot be a soft layer between us and the world.

It's something about choosing whether to stay an infant or move on. When my energy circuit is closed, closed, I can rely on myself, I can take care of myself (emotionally, intellectually, economically), I am an autonomous being and I can choose any kind of relationship - that is, their healthy format - with all awareness, with full participation and presence in them. Otherwise, I find myself in a whirlpool and from time to time I automatically work out the same schemes. Only faces change, the essence remains. Such a serial murder of the dream of an ideal partner, who even has a name - "serial monogamy" (a phenomenon of modernity, when a person does not cheat on his partners, but often changes them, moving from relationship to relationship, from marriage to marriage).

The main temptation in all of this is to get bogged down in codependency, stay on the doorstep, sit on old suitcases, really not go into a relationship, never see another. The main temptation and the main test through which it is important to pass. Otherwise, it remains only to live all your life on the doorstep, in the dressing room, thinking that this is the house. When we start talking with each other, seeing each other, we stop pushing on the doorstep and can enter this cozy space together, but new questions arise here, and this does not make the relationship easier, but more awareness and understanding comes, as with than getting along, more confidence, more sincerity and warmth, more intimacy, tenderness and beauty.

Relationships are one of the most challenging and transformative practices. Be conscious even in the midst of this amazing chaos of emotions, contexts, perspectives and energies dancing with each other.

Seeing how my individual inner dimension - my personal story from childhood to the present moment, my ideas, hopes and fears, fear of contact or separation, expectation of care and acceptance - meets your inner and unlike anything else dimension. To take into account my individual external - my physical body with its inherent characteristics; my energy body with its blocks in different departments, maintaining awareness of my body, directing attention to each part of it and to it as a whole - and to understand how it relates to your physical and energy body. To take into account the collective internal - how we interact within our relationships, how our female and male energies, eros and agape are manifested in them; how we reach agreements, how we resolve our conflicts, how we overcome crises and spend time together. To see the context of the collective external - how partnerships, ideas about family and marriage have developed in society and in time, what is the attitude towards this in the world and our country now, what is accepted and what is condemned, and how it affects us as a couple here and now, at this time and in this place.

I can simultaneously hold all these dimensions and at the same time - see the emptiness of these forms and see you as a special manifestation of the perfect spirit. And then I again begin to hear the sound of the sea - the sound of the sea, which in fact never disappeared, which has always been here, from the beginning. Feel the taste of each wave anew, gaining a beginner's consciousness that has never really been lost. And then I allow this game to be, I give space to all our peculiarities and our strange relationships, every moment doing the best possible action, thereby transforming our divine union, and every moment discovering a radiant radiance that pours through your face and body, transforming each your cage, your every gesture, your every act. If you look more closely, you will see the same thing.

Alena Nagornaya, literary editor, essayist, gestalt therapist, researcher of integral practices

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