2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
We need our own flock. No matter how sad it may be for those who are inclined to deny this human "weakness" in themselves, it is so. “Own flock” are those who accept us, who consider us “theirs”. Moreover, the criteria for "property" can not always be clearly and clearly formulated. But one I can name is the ability to share each other's experiences, to be heard in their joy and sorrow. And the ability to already hear others. In our company, we are rarely visited (if at all) by a feeling of shame because of the inadequacy of you, your characteristics - and others.
Shame is often a good marker of whether we are with us or not. If in some company you constantly feel your inferiority, then perhaps shame suggests: your real inner content and your environment are incompatible. The sadness of the situation lies in the fact that you can strive with all your might to become "your own" for those who will never, under any circumstances, take you for their own. In the best case, they will tolerate or use if the need arises - but you will not join “your own”. And many people are desperately knocking on these closed doors.
Why can't you take - and give up this hopeless business, look for those who will accept you? Sometimes this is due to the fact that you are breaking into the company of "ideal" people for you. Those who have endowed with qualities that you yourself lack - and you are trying to rehabilitate yourself through acceptance by these people. "As long as I am with you and you do not drive me away, everything is all right with me." The price of such a deal is constant shame and an attempt to renounce those advantages, features and disadvantages that do not correspond to the high rank of a member of this "pack". Sometimes these significant groups are surprising and paradoxical. Quite a few smart, intelligent men fight against the closed doors of the street gopots. Once upon a time, these were courtyard companies in which the assimilation of semi-criminal attitudes and behavior was the key to survival. Do not whine, do not show tenderness, never bend, never give in … Do not even give others a reason to think that you are afraid of something or some kind of weakling. Teenage gangs can become a thing of the past - but they remain in the soul of a person, and a long-grown man in real life is still trying to become a "real kid" in order to someday bring this proof of his "realness" to that gopot - and be accepted by them … And it doesn't matter that most of these "real guys" either drank themselves / smoked, or are serving time, or are joining in on a social day. And if you cannot suppress “weaknesses” in yourself, then you always suffer under the condemning and contemptuous glances of novice criminals who have nestled in your soul.
It takes a long way to at some point look into the eyes of these virtual, but such real guys, and say, relying on disgust and experience of yourself as a value: you are not my pack. We are too different with you. Live with your "values", go with them to the bottom, or break through as you please - but you are simply not my pack. I will look for mine.
To put it this way, to grieve the loss of this old, but such tenacious "ideal" - and move on. People with whom you have less to pretend to be.
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