2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Sometimes we try to come to an agreement with ourselves, but we do it in the wrong circumstances.
For example, a married man meets a girl he is attracted to. First, he tries to escape from the infatuation, and then he finds ways to contact her. He says to himself: "Well, I can just be friends, because there is nothing wrong with that." At first glance, no. However, this is a deception. He agreed with his conscience not about what he really wants.
Another example. The girl meets the guy. She really likes him. The young man voices that he is not ready for the kind of relationship she wants.
And how does the girl agree with herself in this case?
She finds a thousand reasons why she needs to be with a guy on the terms offered by him. She agreed with herself to agree to the opposite of her wishes.
One more example. The man did a bad thing. At the same time, he behaves this way with many. His behavior, way of thinking and perception does not correspond to my values. But there are my inner reasons why I am drawn to this person. What am I doing? I choose to justify his behavior.
In whose favor are we making a choice? Why choose to harm ourselves?
We need to learn to choose what is good.
A married man will only suffer that he cannot be with his sympathy in the relationship that he really wants. To this will be added the feeling of guilt towards the spouse. He agreed not to extinguish the fire of passion in himself, but to make a fire out of it. The more he gets closer to his "friend", the more he negotiates with himself against himself. In this case, you need to understand his true desire and make a decision.
If a guy doesn't want to be with a girl, then you shouldn't be with him. When girls enter into such a relationship, they declare that they support the phenomenon, spread it, and themselves suffer from it. A man in such a relationship destroys male energy and masculinity in himself, blocks the flow of money, weakens himself as a man.
Not everyone knows the subtle details of such a relationship. But the main thing here is the fact that the girl did not agree with herself about that. She should have said to herself something like this: “I don’t care about his reasons, he offers me what I don’t want, which means this is not my man” or “if I am so attracted to someone who cannot give me what I am want, what's behind my attraction? What do I really want to compensate through this person? What is its value to me?"
When we begin to explain the behavior of others that is contrary to our values, touches our boundaries, in the end, hurts us, we fall into the role of a rescuer and a victim at the same time. I will say this: NO ONE SHOULD BE SAVED! This is our personal delusion. A person acts as he wants and as it is convenient for him. If he does not think about his actions, it is his own business. We should not be interested in the reasons for such people. We should be interested in why it is so important for us to communicate with them and save them.
When we negotiate with ourselves against our true desires, we want fleeting pleasure. This is a short-term contract. What we get from this does not last long, since, in fact, we have betrayed our true desire. We agreed with ourselves not about that.
Of course, everything has its own fine line and balance. My thought is about those cases that bring suffering and addiction to situations. When should we move away from events in order to look at them objectively, or when we understand, but still "stick our hand into the fire." In such cases, stop and think about yourself, why you are making such a choice.
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