Is It Possible Not To Evaluate Yourself?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

It used to be popular to call the problem “low / high self-esteem”, later this approach was criticized. Now and then I come across opinions that self-esteem should be adequate (that is, based on specific data, such as appearance, intelligence, abilities, etc.), or that a person should not think about self-esteem at all. But I cannot agree with these opinions.

I don't like the term self-concept, while self-concept seems more appropriate to me. I'll explain now. Definitely, we do not have any objective scale of how exactly one should evaluate oneself, where is this bar of “goodness,” “worthiness,” and how exactly to determine that self-esteem is adequate, high or low. Very often, how a person feels about himself is not at all related to how successful, handsome or smart he is (qualities that are customary to “evaluate”).

If we do not evaluate ourselves, we, nevertheless, somehow feel ourselves, have certain ideas about ourselves, our potential, opportunities, the world around us and the future. We live in our reality (created from our ideas, beliefs, experiences, prejudices), where we are allocated a specific place. And “not thinking about our self-esteem” looks like an offer not to explore our world and not think about what place we allocate there for ourselves. These ideas will not stop influencing our lives.

What to do if a person thinks “I am bad”, “I am not worthy of this”, “I will not succeed”, “I am a failure”? Try to figure out the reasons.

1. Emotional factors. It may well be that a person came to this conclusion because of negative feelings that (a) cannot cope with, of which (b) are too many.

   Behind this may be the belief “good (successful, worthy) people feel good,” and it cannot be called completely false. Rather, cause and effect must be reversed. When we experience positive emotions, we feel good, and it fuels our self-image. If you feel bad, this does not mean that something is wrong with you. Perhaps you simply do not have enough resources, you are tired, or your behavior strategy is wrong.

2. The idea of justice. This usually involves thoughts like "I'm not worthy." In such cases, people can naturally be intimidated by the possibility of career growth, love, happiness and well-being.

   Imagine that you are in a store and you can choose a fresh, beautiful apple, or you can already slightly spoiled, sour and ugly. You can consider yourself worthy of a tasty apple, or you can take a tasteless one, justifying it by the fact that you simply do not deserve a tasty one. Or you can just choose what you want. Self-confidence is determined by a person's choice. "If I was not hired for this job, they will take on another, no worse." "If it didn't work out for me in these relationships, it will work out in others." Sometimes the right to choose is replaced by an assessment, which, in fact, is not based on any objective rational data. It is important to understand that thinking about your own worth and unworthiness will not give any results. These are abstract ideas that are often used in childhood and are determined by the convenience of your parents or surrounding adults. “The good boys / girls will get ice cream, the bad ones will be left without dessert and will stand in the corner!” If you take responsibility for your well-being and happiness, give yourself the right to choose something good for yourself - you certainly won't have to make excuses for the consequences. You don't have to deserve happiness. You can create one for yourself if you like.
3. Past negative experiences. Many people know about “learned helplessness”. The man tried several times, it did not work, and he came to the conclusion that it was not worth trying anymore. "I still can't do it." It may be more than just learned helplessness. It is also important to pay attention to your actions. Asking "what am I doing to create this adverse situation?"

A study by Blaine & Crocker (1993) found that people with “low self-esteem” actually have very vague ideas about themselves as well as negative beliefs. Therefore, for example, such people will react sharply to criticism from outside - they do not have their own ideas about themselves, and they are very sensitive to the external environment, since they do not have their own ideas about themselves. trying to fill this gap. They also try to avoid situations where they need to prove themselves, while people with “high self-esteem” may take unnecessary risks.

Should a positive self-image have some basis? You don't have to live with illusions to feel good. It is important to have clear, stable ideas about yourself, as well as interpret them in a positive, beneficial light for yourself. That is, negative or contradictory information from the outside will be distorted in a beneficial way or discarded (Taylor & Brown, 1988).

I hope this article was helpful to you:)