2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
What is change. This is when you walk along the street, where this tree has always been, but it is not, and instead of it there is a house. Or you live in a city where all your friends and family and work, but a couple of months and the city is no longer yours and it is impossible to live in it and you have to leave. This was when you were making plans, preparing to buy a car and the greatest concern was about the opinion of your superiors about your work, but today you were called to serve, and the issue of survival has become a daily issue.
The changes that have now come to us are favorable to few and few are encouraging. What is good about them? But nothing, or rather almost.
Let's talk about this
Why are they nothing good?
There is not much to say here - go look for the positive in the dollar rate, or in a war or in the unpredictability of the situation itself. But let's think about almost
We have a habit of the mind - to look for the positive or look for the negative - whoever we like best. When looking for a positive, more "good hormones" are released in the blood, people like us, we are able to move forward. With an emphasis on the negative, we can develop depression and we are unpleasant to others, we avoid society.
But neither this nor the other way is optimal in times of change. Since the gap between reality and the habit of thinking in some way (no matter - positively or negatively) is growing every day.
Here's an example. A year ago, we lived on the Maidan, the optimists believed in the victory of the Maidan and inclusion in the European Union, the pessimists predicted the victory of Yanukovych, well, Crimea happened. And then the East. This is not negative or positive, this is something worth talking about separately - Reality happened.
Why is it important to think about this?
When you stop thinking about the pros and cons and start thinking about reality, the habit of evaluating changes and the habit of exploring begins. A researcher cannot become a fanatic like an optimist; and cannot become depressed like a pessimist. The realist has a Cause.
The next step after research is action, as Michael Schur wrote - the choice of one's own front for action
In order not to be overly philosophical, let's take an example of what I call realism as opposed to optimism and pessimism.
There is a situation - there is a war in your country. Optimism will be the belief in its ending rather, in the fact that "I'll stay that way" and so on. Rose-colored glasses. The pessimist will see that everything is bad and he is bad. The world is great and sad.
A realist from my point of view is a person who clearly understands that the circle of his knowledge is limited, but it grows from his own actions.
He understands what he is and who he is, what strengths he has - he is an athlete or weak, he has money or not, how he can earn it and whether he can survive when the war comes to his city, he knows how to shoot or his principle of action there will be peaceful resistance. He understands his limitations, all the smallness of his strength, he is not sure that he will change everything, but he has his own personal front, where he is competent.
As a doctor, as a journalist, as a military man, as a driver. And he does what he can.
And here it is important to say about the Truth. She's a strange thing. They say that everyone has their own truth, but I personally am very tired of the endless reduction of everything to relativity. In this there is a fear of Reality, which has an acute angle. Our war is a sharp corner of reality that we all ran into. How many years we have lived with an attitude towards our country as an accident, regretted that we were not born in Europe. But when they try to take this country, they had to fight. And this corner is in our side, we cannot say: this is not, this is how you feel, this is your picture of the world.
Reality, this is asphalt in front of your nose, when you fall, this is a tank in your city, but it can be an unexpected declaration of love, and no help was expected from. It is impossible to calculate it completely. But it is important to THINK about it.
Not thinking about what will cheer me up, not thinking that the world is unfair, but THINKING about reality as where we are all.
And here's the key point. Moreover, when the fact of recognition of reality happened, and only then can we begin to live in a world where the corner can be rounded, beaten off, covered with cloth, and people can be called to think about it. Up to this point, the optimist builds an ivory castle, the pessimist withdraws into himself.
And that's why change is good. If we lived in a world full of fairy tales, we can grope this corner and be surprised.
And ask another - do you see it too? Do you see how he crushes me?
And if specifically, do you also see this war? And your husband can be summoned? And yours volunteered? Do you also think about how to raise money or give it to volunteers?
If we draw a parallel with psychology, then this is the place where psychological defenses are torn. Psychological defenses, which were described by Freud, such as denial, rationalization, everyone's favorite sublimation. And without protection, you can see the world as it is.
And in the end - what is the advantage here.
The revolution of dignity was, in my opinion, about reality. About what we noticed as the fact that the world in which we live is not arranged the way we want it, that the police are bad, the authorities are bad, and only this became noticeable and real - we became capable of acting.
Everyone has this act of their own. Who will leave. Who will go to fight, but I think that it is important to do this first by taking off your glasses and looking closely at reality. Which is different for everyone, but with work and curiosity, it is attainable for knowledge. And our circle of understanding is growing.
Afterword
How it works in psychotherapy. There is a goal in psychotherapy - it is to help a person understand himself and help himself become happier in his life. And that is the goal - it is to understand the reality of this individual person. And help him to act, orienting himself in himself. Knowing yourself as your hometown - your twists and turns, weaknesses, road failures and unfinished areas.
If the client is depressed, then you need to show that his reality is greater than his depression. If he is manic and dreams of saving the whole world, explain that his fantasy is greater than reality and his powers are exaggerated. Of course, there are a million techniques and just as many problems that we work with, but for me, as a psychotherapist, it is this orientation towards reality that is important.
Having got to know a person, exploring his world with love, it is important for me to see where there is a gap, where the picture of the world changes under the influence of the past or painful perception. And together try to explore and awaken the desire for action. Something new, aimed at discovering a world that is neither bad nor good, but very rich in opportunities.
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