THE WHOLE TRUTH ABOUT THE MIDDLE AGE CRISIS

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

This terrible midlife crisis with which we were frightened from a young age, horror stories are told about it, men are so afraid of it, expecting that they will "blow the roof off" (gray hair in the head, a demon in the rib), wives are afraid of losing their husbands, because their husbands are supposed to this period to have a mistress and do stupid things, women themselves are afraid to stay on the sidelines of life and become unnecessary to anyone. Most face this difficult period face to face at the age of 35-45. Having decided to figure out where is the truth, and where is the myth, having gone through this most difficult emotional period, I came to a very interesting discovery: there is essentially no midlife crisis, there is a difficult emotional state of the middle of life. And understanding the reasons for the appearance of this state can help you get out of this period with benefit for yourself, having received not only answers to many life questions, but also a certain resource for further development and creating a happy second part of life.

Middle age crisis - a long-term emotional state (depression) associated with a reassessment of one's experience in middle age, when many of the opportunities that a person dreamed of in childhood and adolescence are already irretrievably missed (or seem to be missed), and the onset of one's own old age is assessed as an event with a very real term (and not "sometime in the future") writes Wikipedia.

I absolutely agree that the midlife crisis is about dreams that have not come true. Only the moment has been missed that in most cases in our consumer society people's dreams are not their own, but imposed ones. Parents dictate, society dictates, public opinion dictates - how to live, what to dream about, what to want, what to strive for. It is very rare for someone to have their own desires in their youth and shape their lives on the basis of them. Marry to the joy of your mother, make a career to the joy of your father, give birth to children to the joy of your grandmother - a standard scheme of life in society. And the person himself does not even know in most cases what he wants and lives as "it should". So we have at the exit a society of unhappy people who, at the age of 35-45, having completed social programs and fulfilling other people's dreams, come to the realization of the worthlessness of their lives and the devaluation of their past experience. And this applies to both men and women, it's just that women are more inclined to admit their mistakes and, for the most part, can calmly engage in the practice of self-regulation of states or turn to a specialist. For men, it is more and more difficult - even in childhood, society forbids boys to be weak, make mistakes and show their feelings. And the way out is often alcohol or looking for adventures on the side that will give vent to emotions. By the way, an interesting study was made of how the manifestations of a midlife crisis in women depend on their partner. It turns out that it does not depend in any way, women in pairs and without a pair are going through this period quite hard.

There is also an observation that in recent years the "crisis" began to come much earlier than 40, people already in their 30s begin to think about the meaning of life and the expediency of fulfilling compulsory social programs, begin to listen to themselves and respect their true desires.

How to live through this difficult period for almost everyone? I'll go over two of the most popular options and their implications.

I'll start with the first, unfortunately, the most common option, when people do not pay special attention to their conditions, believe that a midlife crisis is inevitable and everything will resolve itself somehow. A weighty argument for them - everyone lives like that. This is the position of the victim. Really acute emotional states pass at some point, and a certain resignation to the circumstances sets in, a person feels like a victim, on which nothing depends. There can be no talk of any joy in life here, the day has been lived and okay, if only it is not worse. A state of mild depression and frustration with life becomes a constant companion. There is a complete and final rejection of their desires and dreams. Very quickly after this, a person begins to physically age, withering occurs, and psychosomatics is often not far off. People in this state are very fond of projecting their desires and dreams onto their children, thereby imposing their unrealized dreams on children, telling in detail how they need to live, trying to make vital decisions for them. This is the kind of continuity of unrealized generations that is formed. People are afraid to live, they are afraid of social condemnation, they are afraid to be unpleasant parents, relatives, society. And this is the source of human misfortune, there is nothing worse than living a life imposed by someone (article

The second variant of living the same crisis requires a certain courage and determination from the person. Usually, this is how people with a strong inner core go through a crisis. A person's eyes open, he becomes the master (mistress) of his life. The scenarios are different, but the bottom line is that a person decides to take a break and finally deal with himself. I myself went through this period, leaving for some period completely from society, having lived for some time in Asia. From personal experience, I want to say that this helps a lot, a person learns to listen to himself, to be himself, realizes that our life is just a matrix, and he is an element firmly embedded in this matrix. Usually this period lasts from a year to three, for someone more or less, depending on personal characteristics. Such temporary downshifting helps to sort out your thoughts, hear yourself, your true desires, get out of the matrix, look at your life from the outside. After returning to society (and leaving for the other end of the earth is not at all necessary, although connection with nature is very conducive to the process of transformation of thinking), a person often changes his views on life and priorities, learns to listen to himself and to embody his own, and not others' dreams. I believe that taking a break and dealing with yourself, sometimes with the help of specialists, is the most resourceful option for passing the so-called crisis, after which meaning, joy returns to life and a person goes to a new level with new ideas and new strength.

In principle, the midlife crisis itself is a phenomenon invented by society. First, we came up with the goals that we must achieve, and then came up with a crisis, because we did not achieve them, or achieved, but are unhappy. If you live a life from a young age based on your values and goals, listen to yourself and your desires, ask yourself constantly the question - what I feel now, what I really want, then there will be no midlife crisis, there will be a soft transition to a more adult and mature life, there will be no fear of old age, because if there is a feeling of a joyfully lived life and the value of fulfilling one's own desires, even if not very approved by relatives by society, then aging is not scary. On the contrary, old age is perceived as a resource period for living one's own wisdom and joy to serve other people, to share one's experience. Don't betray yourself.