Middle Age Crisis

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

With the number 37, the hop flies from me at the moment, And now - like a cold blow: Under this figure, Pushkin guessed a duel for himself And Mayakovsky lay down with his temple on the muzzle. Vladimir Vysotsky, "On fatal dates and figures" Popularly called this crisis "the crisis of forty years" - although, of course, such a clear localization is an oversimplification. Eric Erickson, whose age periodization is now most often used, refers to the period of maturity between the ages of 25 and 65 years - respectively, somewhere in this interval there is a midlife crisis: the timing of its onset depends on the inner feeling of the duration of one's own life, and the severity of the passage - from the structure of the psyche. In the first half of life, a person has a lot ahead of him: everything that failed today will succeed tomorrow. And now the moment comes when it becomes obvious with irrefutable clarity: tomorrow never comes. In reality, given to us in sensations, there is only today.

Dangers and Opportunities The first gray hair on the temples, the first wrinkles are found; the list of chronic diseases passes from abstract knowledge to immediate sensation; life's accomplishments and omissions knock out their ruthless balance, and not always, alas, it turns out to be positive … The main experience that a person encounters in this period of life is “it’s too late for me”. The word "crisis" came from Greek in Russian, where it meant "solution, outcome, turning point" - and the Chinese character for this concept consists of two parts: "danger" and "new opportunities." For the psychological interpretation of a crisis, this is very true: an identity crisis always carries with it both dangers and new opportunities. What new opportunities does the midlife crisis bring? The main opportunity that a person can get thanks to this crisis is self-acceptance, understanding of his individuality, feeling his own life path. In short, gaining higher awareness. Jung called this process individuation.

Living Your Life: Farewell to Illusions Amor fati, love of fate is the final recognition that it is here, in this place, at this time, in this sphere that what is called live your life … James Hollis, “Create Your Own Life” The first half of life passes under the sign of social conditioning: the combination of behaviors and reflex reactions that the child was forced to develop from childhood, forming a relationship with the environment, is of decisive importance. “You’ll go for a walk when you do your homework,” parents tell us, and since childhood a person does and does these lessons … The only problem is that life's lessons are endless, she always has a couple of jokers up her sleeve. Therefore, sometime you just need to stop doing homework and start living. With my life.

Joker first There will always be someone who is objectively cooler in any of the selected parameters. Even if you are a biathlon world champion, the cross-country skiing champion is likely to run even faster than you. Joker II The parameters are endless. Having made a worthy career, he discovers a failure in his personal life; one who has dedicated himself to his family regrets the lack of creativity; he who achieved creative heights sacrificed simple philistine happiness. The midlife crisis is a time of disillusionment. In the first half of life, a person can still indulge himself with them: I will defend my candidate's - then I will take up my personal life. I'll send my third child to school - then I'll be back on stage. During the transition in the middle of life, a person suddenly realizes with frightening clarity that no one has been waiting for him on the stage for a long time, or that something has been irreparably missed with his personal life … Tomorrow has not come again. It is easier to lose illusions for those who already did not have so many of them. Middle age is a time of productivity: if a person at this time has a good connection with reality, then he achieves success in those aspects that are important to him. Then, looking back from his transition, he feels satisfaction. “I lived nicely. I know happiness! I saw the sky”- and the crisis in this case consists only in a reorientation from the ambitions of the Ego to more attention to the needs of the soul and self-actualization. However, alas, this is not always the case.

Checking the connection: talking to yourself Basically, each of you can simulate a small local midlife crisis for yourself, remembering yourself at the age of 15, and "meeting yourself" right now. To do this, you need to carefully remember what you dreamed of accomplishing by the current age of 15 - and then tell yourself, a fifteen-year-old, what has really come true and what has not, and why. And what came true in return. And look at the reaction of the teenager yourself. If a teenager is inspired by accomplishments, and listens to you with burning eyes, easily dismissing the fact that some of his dreams did not come true, you must think that your midlife crisis is unlikely to be difficult. If his adolescent maximalism is your strictest judge, and at the meeting the teenager angrily and arrogantly denounces your failures and general worthlessness, you need to somehow negotiate with him. Perhaps with the help of a psychologist. For increasing one's own productivity in order to avoid a subsequent crisis is a correct measure, but, so to speak, preventive. The first half of life is the time of recruiting resources and increasing productivity. In the second half of your life, it is time to accept yourself as you are, and it is on this basis to use the resources that are available.

Inner Critic As you can easily see, a severe midlife crisis visits not only losers: sometimes for people who are quite successful, talented, fruitful, this crisis is so difficult that it comes to suicide. And if, after Erickson, we talk about productivity - then, it would seem, how much more ?! And it's all about Inner Criticism - the very embodiment of social norms that a person once appropriated for himself and lives with him without parting. Although it seemed quite obvious that with the change of society, social norms also change, therefore it is impossible to attach such absolute importance to them, but this is if we are talking about conscious perception. Often, the unconscious perception of these very social norms (they are also "parental prescriptions") is quite unconditional. Outwardly, a completely prosperous person, this Critic can bite to death: poetry is not good, and personal life is not cloudy, and the champion in skiing has overtaken you, is such an insignificance worth life, in general?

In this case, I am by no means opposing constructive self-criticism. - but the key words here are "constructive" and "conscious". This harmful Inner Critic is especially destructive when he is unconscious. It whines inside, but until you specifically listen - it's not even very clear what it is about. It's just that the mood is below the baseboard, that's all. Depending on the configuration, the Inner Critic may be more or less strong - but his desires are harsh and unforgiving: like the Roman patricians, he ultimately demands death. And if the usual way to shut him up has always been the promise to "become good sweat", then … I am afraid that during the midlife crisis, when the interim results are summed up, this illusion will have to be said goodbye. And it is here that the Critic can become brutal. Then the midlife crisis takes on a pathological course.

* * * … In conclusion of the article, of course, it would be necessary to give a simple and easy recipe for getting rid of the Inner Critic. Anything, you know, "get rid of the Inner Critic in 15 days." In any case, this is what my own Inner Critic demands of me: he always, you know, demands the impossible. Getting rid of it is a lifelong road, and there are no simple and easy recipes on this road. Love yourself, listen to yourself, do not demand the impossible from yourself, get rid of unrealistic beliefs - in general, pull this Inner Critic by the ear and into the sun. From awareness he weakens, and from self-acceptance he disappears altogether. And you know what? Get started now. Without waiting for the peritonitis crisis