2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
“Darling,” my grandfather told me, “you don't have to be hysterical if you can't get what you want from your man. Prepare a delicious dinner, put on nice underwear, pour a glass of wine. He will relax and do much more than you even dreamed of.
“Darling,” my grandmother told me, “don't be hysterical if you can't get what you want from your man. Prepare a delicious dinner, put on nice underwear, pour a glass of wine. And invite the man who will appreciate it all.
- Dear, - my husband told me, - you don't have to be hysterical if you can't get what you want from your man. You have a credit card. Go to dinner with your girlfriends, drink some wine, buy nice underwear. Do what you want, just don't burden me with unnecessary problems.
These semi-humorous statements by my family about the problem of (female) hysteria reflect a rather typical vision of different generations of men and women. I also have my own recipe - to discuss everything calmly and argue my requirements, wishes, needs (underline the necessary).
In some cultures, women's hysteria is taken for granted. She is even promoted as an integral part of the female nature. She is mistaken for a passion that excites men, and makes rivals hide in fear. Society tends to forgive women for "whims", which are perceived as a manifestation of aggression in the male performance. This, of course, is a double standard and a substitution of concepts.
Tantrums are not "cute feminine whims and pranks." This is a consequence of despair, a manifestation of active or passive aggression (I can’t hit you - I’ll break a cup), an active demonstration of dissatisfaction, suffering, a protest against the inability to get what you want. This is a companion of the shattered nervous system of an insecure person who does not know how to cope with emotions. There is a certain infantilism in this. An adult tantrum is akin to the reaction of a child who is unable to verbalize anxiety. This is not a constructive approach and does not guarantee a solution to the problem.
The option of deliberately using hysteria as a means of manipulation is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, there really is a chance to get what you want. But there is a likelihood that the relationship will be ruined, and the goal is not achieved. It's like a child falling to the floor in a store trying to get an expensive toy. Some of the parents will give up and give up, while someone will say a firm “no” and leave the manipulator alone in the center of the hall.
So what to do if you are on the verge, and you cannot succumb to the impulse to "misstate":
- drink water (as an option, putting it in your mouth is funny, but it helps)
- take a timeout - leave the room, get some air, beat the pillow, throw out your aggression in the least destructive way
- do physical work - wash, clean, scrub
- turn on the music to its fullest and shout (or do the same in the forest)
- if these are not the costs of upbringing and not attempts to manipulate on your part, consult a doctor and a psychologist.
If you cannot control yourself, an endocrinologist, gynecologist and neurologist will help you find a possible cause.
What to do if you are the object of someone else's tantrum seeking to avoid conflict:
- physically move out of sight - there are no spectators, there is no point in continuing
- keep yourself in control - you must remain calm if you do not want to intensify the atmosphere even more
- recognize the feelings of the hysterical - the words "I understand that you are in pain" have great healing potential
- if possible, try hugging a woman - some physical touch calms down
- in no case use force - as a last resort, you can use water if the hysteria drags on
- there is no point in asking clarifying questions and trying to appeal to the mind of a person who is hysterical. However, repeated monotonous consolations in a low voice tend to soothe
- to leave - as an extreme, but the most effective means - why would you put up with a manipulator?
Hysteria annoys someone, tiresome someone, for someone it is a signal that the relationship has become obsolete. No matter which side of the tantrum you are on, this behavior inevitably ruins character and reputation, violates trust, gets bored pretty quickly and stops working. Take care of yourself and your relationships. Try to establish a communication process where logic and argument, coupled with mutual respect, replace the need for tantrums and manipulation.
Disclaimer: This text is about mentally healthy adults who consciously or unconsciously use hysteria as a means of attracting attention and achieving goals without objective reasons (illness, trauma, stress, loss of a loved one).
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