Pain Of The Lost Self.Hysteria: Causes, Understanding And Existential Approach

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

October 6, within the framework of the 14th Psychological Seminary named after Professor Archpriest Vasily Zenkovsky under the leadership of B. S. Brothers, the Russian Orthodox University hosted another lecture by the famous Austrian psychotherapist Alfried Langle. Professor Langle told the participants and guests of the seminary about such an urgent and complex problem as hysteria

The topic of tonight is marked with a somewhat old-fashioned concept - hysteria. In the modern understanding, this concept exists only in connection with a personality disorder - and then the concept of "histrionic" is used, and not hysterical. As for the definition of the concept of "hysteria", then in science there are difficulties with its use. This is due to the fact that the picture of this disorder is very changeable, and it cannot be captured by classical descriptions. This is precisely the special property of hysteria.

The issue was resolved in such a way that the concept of hysteria as such was eliminated, and replacement concepts were introduced, for example, dissociation. But in existential analysis we adhere to this concept, although we are aware of the problems associated with terminology. Nevertheless, this concept captures the general image of the corresponding experience - therefore this concept is justified, but it must be used with extreme caution. This concept has entered into everyday life. People in everyday life say: "Stop hysterics", "Don't be hysterical" - and this is not a compliment at all. This implies depreciation. And therefore it is important that such devaluating concepts are not used in science. Who wants to be hysterical? We immediately notice that something very critical is connected with this concept.

I

If we look at the map of Moscow, we will see that this city is built according to the principle of circles, and in the center is the heart of the city - the Kremlin. In Vienna, where I live, such a center is St. Stephen's Cathedral. A temple has been located in the center of the city for almost two thousand years. Why did I turn to this picture of the city? With this image, I got a picture of hysteria. Hysteria can also be described using circles. What stands at the central point of hysteria?

Not the Kremlin, not a temple - but emptiness. This is central to hysteria … You can draw it in the form of a circle or several circles, but there is nothing in the center. A person, if he feels himself at all, feels empty. It is an incredible state of suffering. You might even think that a depressed person is much easier than a hysterical one. A depressed person feels something, he has a center. A hysterical person suffers, but does not understand why. He cannot grasp his suffering and tries to mitigate it by any means. And since he does not find anything inside, he grasps at the outside. He needs others, he uses them to find something of himself in the mirror of others. Hysteria is suffering in connection with emptiness. Man does not have himself, does not find himself. He doesn't know who he is. He does not know what he really wants, does not feel himself, cannot truly love, and at the same time he is like a whirlwind: he is full of life, he is active, he can have fun - no trace of depression. This is the complete opposite of depression. He is overactive.

Hysteria - this is suffering that occurs in the field between "being yourself" and "being with others." A person can be himself only if he develops I. If he can look into the eyes of another person. If other people see it. If they feel it and take it seriously. This already happens when the mother is breastfeeding the baby. It is important for the child to feed on mother's milk, but the mother's gaze is also important. The baby sucks not only the mother's breast, but also catches her eye. In order for the mother not to forget the child, and so that he does not forget the mother, nature has created the process of breastfeeding. The development of a person's self continues in subsequent years. We need You, whom we can meet and who will meet us - so that I can find out who I am. If this process does not take place, I myself remain a blank spot on the geographical map. Then we learn to deal with the world. We learn to drive, we play sports, we play musical instruments, we do math, but in all these activities, there is no one we meet. We can do different things, but there is no center. I need another person.

II

The hysterical person in his formation experienced few meetings. Too little has been seen. He was wounded, offended. And it closed. And so he remains unfamiliar to himself. He suffers, but intuitively grasps for what he needs - for others. He grabs onto others, but in such a way that he manipulates - and this is what prevents the meeting. And those around him don't take him seriously. They defend themselves, they leave and repeat the pain that is familiar to him. But the tragedy is that a hysterical person provokes it. His behavior is unbearable. His behavior is somewhat entertaining, it can bring some animation, but it tends to be something superficial. Thus, he again provokes the suffering he wants to get rid of.

This is an existence full of tragedy. The hysterical manifests itself only in the presence of other people. When the hysterical is alone, the hysterical features are not so visible. When he is alone, hysteria cannot develop. Symptoms only occur when he is in interaction with other people, when other people are present. Then he becomes greedy for communication, because he feels very well that he needs other people. But he cannot. That is, hysteria always occurs in a community, among people, where there is an audience, in contact with another person. When a hysterical person is alone, his face is gray and he seems boring.

This is the first sketch of this painting. The center is empty, the hysteric does not know himself, he does not have it. He could not find himself, because he had too few meetings, people who really saw him, who devoted themselves to him, who took time for him, felt into him, shared his inner suffering. He was left alone.

The symptomatology of hysteria echoes this deficiency. A hysterical person strives for others, but since the inside is empty, he does not know how to approach another, to You, and therefore the other person very quickly begins to feel used. He either leaves or plays with him. And the drama continues.

III

A little about the concept of hysteria. Hystera - in Greek means "uterus". An old myth came from the Egyptians to Greece, in which this symptomatology was described. That is, it is a very ancient myth. The first written record of this myth was made by Plato. In the Timaeus dialogue, he writes that the womb is a beast. This is a beast that longs for small children. And if the uterus remains sterile for a long time after puberty, she begins to get angry and goes on a journey, wanders all over the body. It clogs the airways, interferes with breathing and thus puts pressure on the body and exposes it to great dangers. It also causes various diseases. Hysteria played a large role in psychotherapy. Freud and Charcot developed psychotherapy on the basis of hysteria. This is a very fascinating picture that shows a lot of what is in a person.

Even the mentioned myth already very accurately describes the main human suffering. It starts by leaving the uterus empty. The uterus can be considered a metaphor for the center of a person, his middle. If a person is internally not fulfilled, not filled, then there is anxiety, spasms, asthma, heart ailments, headache, paralysis, high temperature. These are all symptoms of conversion, psychosomatic disorders. Therefore, it is very important for a person to form a center, a middle, so that he can feel at home. Of course, we need other people, but we also need ourselves.

IV

Next, let's move on to describing hysteria. What is striking about those people who are hysterical? They often look like tornadoes: a lot of power, a whirlwind, but in the middle it is calm, quiet. They attract attention to themselves and at the same time, as it were, distract, distract from themselves.

They draw attention to themselves in a variety of ways: with their words, with a loud voice, with the way they dress, with makeup. What are they reporting? "Look here, take a look." They are looking for exactly what they lack. But at the same time they do not have themselves. They don't know what those who really look at them see. They think, "If they really look at me and see me, they will leave." This means that there is fear in their pursuit of attention. They seem to shout: “Look! But don't look at me! " They are afraid, they are afraid: "If others knew who I really am, then no one would like me."

therefore the behavior of a hysterical person is difficult to grasp. It's like a fish: as soon as you grab a fish in the water, it immediately slips out. The hysteric is here, but if I want to meet him, he immediately leaves - because there is a lot of fear. And he constantly plays with this border between "to be" and "to seem." He has more to "seem" than "be."

His behavior is imbued with dissociation in many areas. Dissociation means that what should be one is split. He tells something, and the feelings that he expresses at the same time do not fit. For example, he says that his beloved cat was run over by the wheels of a car, but he talks about it with a smile. That is, the content and feelings are not the same. Or he talks a lot, and then you don't know what he said. Lots of words - but no content. Content split off. Or he tends to think in black and white: either everything is super, or complete nonsense.

He willingly presses on others, exerts pressure. For example, he says: "You should definitely study psychology, do it!" He doesn't even ask if you are interested. He doesn't really enter into dialogue. He has some kind of idea, which, in his opinion, should be reality. And he thinks that in this way he helps others to do something.

He willingly presses on others, exerts pressure. For example, he says: "You should definitely study psychology, do it!" He doesn't even ask if you are interested. He doesn't really enter into dialogue. He has some kind of idea, which, in his opinion, should be reality. And he thinks that in this way he helps others to do something.

He often rebukes others. He himself is never guilty of anything. He doesn't stick to boundaries. Small situations show this well. For example, in a restaurant someone ordered a dish of fried potatoes, and he says: "Oh, what a wonderful potato, can I try?" And before he was allowed, he is already holding potatoes on a fork. For him, breaking boundaries is a matter of course - so much so that the other person cannot even resist what happened. Another person has doubts: "Maybe I'm too petty or too sensitive?"

Expressing judgments, a hysterical person always gives estimates, he always has his own opinion. And he instantly, faster than others expresses it, pronounces a verdict. And he very quickly changes his judgment, if he feels that he did not like the other. After a couple of minutes, he can say the exact opposite.

He speaks in general terms: "The best fashion is French fashion." What can be opposed to this? Of course, this is a great fashion, but …

Judgments are a substitute for experiences for him. He does not feel this, but he always builds judgments, as if looking at the one who listens to him, in the following aspect: what could make an impression on him? And then these quick judgments arise.

The hysteric is quick, he is impatient. He cannot be at home: something must always happen, some action, so he cannot wait. He does not keep to the borders, he exaggerates. For example, he says: “Where were you yesterday? I called you a hundred times. Not once or twice, but a hundred. Everything is super, mega, over. We now generally live in a somewhat hysterical time, it is dictated by society.

A hysterical person often changes his mood, he is capricious. Those impulses that he has, he considers the true I. Therefore, he lives by impulses. This is a person for whom everything happens in the present tense. He does not let the past burden him, he does not worry about the future, because he is very dexterous. And, of course, the hysteric confuses people: he is manipulative and looks like a flag that blows in the wind. If the interlocutor is impressed by what he says about a mutual friend, and he notices that he is listening attentively, then he begins to exaggerate. He tells the listener what he wants to hear. The next day he meets another friend and does the same with another. And when all his friends meet, they have different information. In this way, relationships can be destroyed.

The hysteric is also an intriguer. However, for the hysteric, it is only about having some kind of significance himself. He does not want to quarrel people at all. But in this way he confuses people in their inner and outer world. There is a picture that shows this well: if you look at a lake in which the sun is reflected, and under the influence of the wind small waves appear, then glare appears and disappears there. Such is the hysteria: it flares up, disappears - and nothing remains.

V

If you look at this at deeper depths, you find two lines that go right through. They are the basis for manipulation and dissociation in the hysterical person.

1) The hysteric thirsts for freedom, he does not want to be attached to anything. And so he has no relationship, he is out of relationship

2) He knows no boundaries. He does not adhere to any boundaries. Both give him a sense of freedom, a sense of freedom

I park my car where I want, eat what I want, without knowing the boundaries, exaggerate - the way I want. There is nothing that limits me, limits me - I do not allow this. "This is freedom, isn't it?" And if I don’t feel bound by a relationship, then I’m free too. I don't have to be faithful, because faithfulness is also a limitation, a loss of freedom.

The hysteric feels that he needs freedom, he cannot stand without freedom. He feels something important, but at the same time he makes a mistake: it is correct that a person, in his essence, really has freedom, each person is basically free, he can make decisions. But the freedom of the hysterical concerns only one part of this freedom. Human freedom has two poles: to be free from something, but one can also be free for something. It is important that we are free from neurotic obsessions - so that we can live this being freely, to use it, so that we can give ourselves for something - but by doing so we are again attached to something, and the hysteric does not want to get attached … The hysteric does not know what it means to be free for something - he wants to be free from something. He doesn't even know how to live freedom for something, because he doesn't have himself.

Such a life is associated with a very unpleasant feeling - the feeling of being lost. Tantrums feel lost in this world. They are not attached, they are distanced. They suffer from the fact that something is wrong, which could be. I often hear this very phrase from hysterical patients: "There is no such thing as it could be." Fragile fantasies come, some kind of dreams. This formulation shows that it is difficult to grab him, he cannot grasp himself.

In this quest for freedom, the hysterical person tries to cross the boundaries. If others set boundaries for him, he tries to overcome them. Sometimes he can be very sweet, pleasant, and then - very cruel, insensitive, "run over" another. Let's say a mother, in the presence of guests, can loudly say to her daughter: "Don't look so stupid." And the daughter is frightened, but her mother does not even notice it. It puts pressure, it hurts, it scares people. My daughter's I cannot be formed in such conditions, it is not even requested. But mother does not have her own - she only has impulses to be seen, to be paid attention to. For this, all possible tools are used.

VI

We have just said a lot of negative things about hysteria. And, maybe, one of us discovered something in ourselves from this. Now I want to bring the picture of hysteria closer to us and, as it were, connect it a little with us.

Some elements are probably familiar to everyone. There are manifestations that are not yet hysteria, but are already pointing in this direction. For example, it is considered healthy and normal if a person looks after himself, pays attention to himself. We need it to a certain extent. We need neat clothes, clean hair to be appreciated and accepted in society. But if fashion becomes extremely important, if someone looks at themselves first or takes a bite off the plate first, then healthy self-care becomes selfish and hysterical.

The hysteric is always selfish. True, he can hide it. For example, we are now within the walls of the Russian Orthodox University, where there may be a request for altruism. Then the hysteric can put on the mask of an altruist and behave in this way - as long as it is appreciated. But in principle, this still hides selfishness. Selfishness is not as a weakness of character, but as a mental disaster. He does not have himself, but he needs himself, and everything should revolve around him. By doing so, he hopes to find a pair of straws that he can grab onto.

What other manifestations can be considered healthy and unhealthy? Many people are extroverts, and they are good at contact. But if it starts to dominate, if the person is only an extrovert, he starts to be hysterical. It's good if we can be spontaneous - it animates communication. But if impulses are constantly experienced, if a person lives only spontaneously, if he does not recognize order or structures, then this human trait already becomes a hysterical pathology. This is a gift, if a person is fast, can react quickly if he is always in the presence of the spirit, but if such speed turns into impatience, if he presses on another, this is a sign of hysterical. Thus, there are a number of traits that are inherent in each of us, and we value them, but if they are lived one-sidedly, if they are exaggerated, then this is already a movement towards hysteria.

If hysteria acquires a morbid character, if it already has the character of a neurosis, if it affects consciousness, the hysteric seems to be present, but not quite - Freud described it as "beautiful indifference." In severe hysterical disorders, a twilight state may occur.

Another large group of disorders is bodily disorders. Hysteria can mimic almost all diseases. Here the soul manifests incredible strength: these are sensory disorders, motor disorders, paralysis, various internal diseases, of course, emotional lability.

In hysterical neurosis, a person always oscillates between black and white, between "too much" and "too little." For example, feelings of a tantrum can be completely cold as ice. It's incredible how hard-hearted he can be. But the next minute his feelings may be excessive: "My dear friend, how long have I seen you!" And everyone notices that this does not correspond to the situation: just now there was little, and there is a lot. This is reflected in many patterns of behavior. Hysterical people have too few relationships, too few attachments, but they constantly need relationships.

In hysterical neurosis, a person always oscillates between black and white, between "too much" and "too little." For example, feelings of a tantrum can be completely cold as ice. It's incredible how hard-hearted he can be. But the next minute his feelings may be excessive: "My dear friend, how long have I seen you!" And everyone notices that this does not correspond to the situation: just now there was little, and there is a lot. This is reflected in many patterns of behavior. Hysterical people have too few relationships, too few attachments, but they constantly need relationships.

This disorder is very unstable: due to the absence of the middle, the life of the hysterics splits in two. There are two poles here, and there is always a dissociative element. The middle can connect these two extremes, but if the middle is absent, only the extremes remain: "Either you love me, or you hate me", "Either you are for me, or you are against me." Thinking in black and white or idealizing is also splitting.

An example of dissociative thinking in a hysteric. One of my patients said at our first meeting about his grandmother: "She was an amazing person, incredibly beautiful." After a couple of meetings, it turned out that this grandmother was very mentally ill and suffered from severe phobias. He suffered her grandson and the whole family. That is, it is a picture filled with suffering. It's hysterical. Of course, such a sick person is interesting in some way. But the grandson did not quite understand what was happening to his grandmother, since he split off the negative. And when he came to therapy, and it was important for him to make a good impression, he wrapped it in such a wrapper that she was an incredible person.

For a hysteric, relationships with other people have the meaning of an ersatz, a replacement for their own I. He does not find personal in himself, but when he sees other people, he sees personal in them. He needs personal. Thus, he kind of clings to the Person of the other in order to feel a little this personal. It operates according to the following algorithm: I'll tell you something now, and if you feel something, and I see it on your face, then I will experience the same emotions. That is, they need the experiences of another person in order to be able to replace the absence of their own experience.

The hysteric says: without you, everything in me is dead. Next to you, I can feel something myself - namely, if I see the impression that what I say makes on you. If I have this alone, I won't feel anything. If you feel it, then I feel it too. It happens to hysterical people that they can say: my middle is you.

Is not a meeting, this should not be confused with a meeting. The other can never be my middle. This initially brings suffering and does not lead to liberation. In this way, relationships become a tool, high expectations are associated with relationships. And the hysteric, to a certain extent, makes the other a victim.

Thus, the hysteric lives in the external. And so he does everything to impress. The content is not important to him, the impression that he makes on others is important to him. Most of all, he likes it when there is more than one person nearby, because then too much intimacy may arise - and he is afraid of real intimacy. This is not about sexuality, but about real intimacy: if you tell him "I love you" and look him in the eyes, he is helpless. He tries to impress and influence many people. He needs an audience. And by his behavior, he also turns his partner or his family into a public. And before the audience, he has a distance. The audience should applaud, look, but not get too close, not go up on stage.

It is this external influence that becomes the content of the life of the hysterical. And this makes his behavior very superficial. Hysteria is a life outside, it is a life like the life of a chameleon. He constantly adapts to the environment in which he finds himself. He is under the influence of temporary changes. At the end of the 19th century, it was universally recognized if a fragile lady fainted. Then it was accepted, it was often found that the ladies at the ball fainted after an hour. Of course, this was facilitated by the presence of a corset. For this occasion, each man had a bottle of smelling salt in his pocket to bring the lady to her senses. The gallant man picked up the falling woman and helped her come to her senses. She opened her eyes and saw him over her face. This was some form of play and good form.

Today, no one can imagine such a situation. Today no woman does this, because if today someone faints, they will call an ambulance and take them to the hospital. What a sober time we live in! The basic feeling of hysteria is deep within: I am wrong, I am false. The way I am is not the way I should be.

Vii

I would like to come to the deepest point of the origin of hysteria. And then we'll look at the basic ways of dealing with a hysterical person.

Hysteria arises psychodynamically through three realms of experience that collectively lead to a major disorder. The main disorder is that the hysterical person is in great pain. We said that in the innermost circle of the hysterical person there is neither the Kremlin nor the cathedral, there is nothing there. And now this nothing is pain anesthesia. And in fact, under the cover of nothing, there is an unbearable pain that has been dissociated. And so it is not felt. And since the pain is not felt, I don't feel anything else. Because feelings, sensations are paralyzed. And this pain arises, on the one hand, through the experience of constraint and pressure: if you are an outsider, if you are ridiculed, if you are in prison, if you grow up in a small village where everyone is watching each other, it may feel like I I cannot develop, I cannot open up. But I can also become cramped under the influence of my own ambitions, requests, my idea of what I should be.

The second is that pain arises under the influence of violations of its own boundaries. If a person bypasses his own - through seduction, through violence, such moments often occur within the framework of sexual abuse. If intimacy is used functionally, it also hurts, violates. And sexuality is something intimate. Therefore, hysterical people have a tremendous fear of pain. In general, they can very poorly tolerate pain.

And the third reason that leads to this pain is the experience of great loneliness. And the most painful loneliness is loneliness due to abandonment. When we were abandoned, we worry: someone was, and he left. And children relate this to themselves. Because of me, my mother or father left. It is a very painful feeling of abandonment or abandonment. This is one of the main causes of this pain. Therefore, they are always afraid that they will be rejected. That is, in the middle there is this deep pain. This pain leads to the fact that I can not hold on to myself, to be with myself. When you say hysterical "I love you", he becomes cramped, he begins to experience pain. And the coping defensive reaction begins to operate, because this great pain completely absorbs him, covers him, and he cannot hold it. It could destroy him. He has no prerequisites in the form of structures of the I, so that he could do with it.

A hysterical person needs outside help. He needs someone who will go with him, someone who will not let himself be seduced, but will stay with him. And he will try to take the hysteria seriously.

VIII

We come to the last point of the evening. What is the best way to deal with a hysterical person? This is at the same time the principles of treatment and work with such a patient.

The main thing is to take it seriously. Meet him. But this is very easy to say, but in reality it is difficult. And why? Because he is truly invisible. I can't take seriously this "seem" of him. Therefore, I cannot even rely on a hysterical person to follow him. If I do this, he will abuse me with incredible dexterity. Or it will become very cramped for him, and he will leave. How can I take him seriously? He suits the theater, he is not real, he exaggerates everything, he is excessive. If I tell him, “Don't be so hysterical,” it hurts him. It won't help him if I play along with him.

I need to develop an attitude: "You have the right to be what you are, you should not be different, and I take you seriously, while I take myself seriously." Only if I take myself seriously can I somehow understand where the hysterical sits.

As a therapist, I ask myself: what is it about now for me? The hysteric is like a flag, he will be guided by me. What is important to me now? What do I want to say? What is right for me? Look at yourself. You might think that this is selfishness, but it is not. Its middle is me. If I look at myself well, if I am authentic, and if I meet him, then I will offer him something that he needs. This is what he aspires to. But if I start talking about myself, he will start playing theater. He won't take me seriously. Maybe he hurts me. And this will have to be endured. Probably, in private life, it is too difficult to endure. In a therapeutic relationship, it is necessary to endure without any gaps. And this is a very high requirement for a therapist. In private life, it may happen that I also react very violently. But if I notice that I have reacted violently, then I can restore the authenticity again by telling him, "I'm sorry, I told you unpleasant last night … I didn't mean what I said." That is, I will apologize and show myself for who I really am. The hysteric will understand this well, they can do well with it.

It is very important to meet a hysteria, being the most durable, stable, showing constancy, reliability. It is important to agree on some kind of structure. It is important to endure the unpleasant with him. Do not become impatient, do not hide the unpleasant under the rug, but talk about problems or discontent, trying to stay calm. In therapy, we build this very seriously.

The hysteric, of course, is constantly dissatisfied, because he does not have himself. He does not know what fullness, fulfillment is. In therapy, we will work out what he can do today, so that, for example, by the evening he will feel satisfied.

If I live with a hysterical as a family member, then I will also feel all his discontent with him. I will help him if I say: “You know, if we talk like that, it will be unpleasant for me. I would like to talk to you about this. " And then great art will hold onto this theme. He will again and again be distracted, go away. He changes the subject - this is his "freedom from". They do it so dexterously and skillfully that at first you don't even notice it. And although I understand every word he uttered, I don't understand anything else. And in a minute, maybe I will notice that my attention is floating away somewhere, and I’m already thinking about something else. And then the hysteric won. "Look, but don't look at me." And maybe you can even start to get tired when you listen to it. Whenever we get tired, we know that we were too inactive, I was not the leader, I myself was too little present. He needs my I in order to create you to some extent.

When working with a hysteric, one should go to great depths on working with a biography. You need to ask what he thinks about himself. It is about intrinsic value and what has deprived him of intrinsic value. And about the pain. That he was abandoned, abandoned. About injuries, insults, pressure. Here he needs another, who slowly, gradually, smoothly moving in a spiral, will approach him, to this center where I am located. But this I cannot be felt, felt, because there is a threatening pain there.

A meeting with a hysterical person can help us to better develop our own middle, thanks to this we can live it better, show it better. We can share it with other people. Suffering a tantrum is a big challenge to us. And we can both grow with this suffering.

Now, after this lecture, I wish you and all of us that we do not reject the hysterical, but that we have more understanding in relation to hysteria, so that we also better recognize our own traits, can better see and accept them. Because there is pain behind it. And this pain wants to be heard, it seeks deliverance. And at least a little it can be done by everyone to himself and to others. Together we can make progress on this. I wish you that you will succeed.