2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
WHY PAIN AND SUFFERING ARE THE BEST FRIENDS OF A MASOCHIST
Oh yeah! Masochism
"Anything that doesn't kill makes me stronger." Friedrich Nietzsche's statement could become the slogan of masochists. However, those with a masochistic character obey the prescription in a perverse way. They create conditions for others to make their lives filled with torment and suffering, and they become stronger in surviving in horror. The great philosopher suggested that we become stronger not in survival, but in germinating our freedom to realize human potential in life.
Have you ever thought for a second how much strength it takes to endure mental and physical pain? Try walking for a few days in shoes two sizes smaller and out of season, because this is a gift from your beloved mom. Perhaps, thus, come closer to understanding the daily torment and pleasures of the masochist.
How are they cultivated into masochistic traits?
Significant environment (dad and mom) in one way or another informed the child that his feelings, experiences, thoughts, desires are not interesting, not comfortable, not realizable. It is possible that the parents themselves behaved in a similar way in the relationship. "Be patient", "then", "must", "do not argue", "obey", "be quieter than water, below the grass" - a typical set of parental phrases. There is nothing terrible in them if it did not carry an categorical form, without the possibility for the child to at least express his desires.
Then the child makes a decision - parental love must be earned. And then this decision is broadcast to the adult world. Selfless service, renouncing one's desires and needs is the only possible way to receive the love of significant others.
If I am a masochist, am I insane?
For the therapist, if a client exhibits masochistic traits is not a sign of a mental disorder. This is a unique characteristic of a person, which was formed as a result of his life path in order to survive in this world. To one degree or another, each of us exhibits masochistic traits, but it's bad when our life is filled with pain and suffering, and something else has no place in our life.
But what about the sexual masochists? Psychologists distinguish between sexual masochism and moral masochism. Sexual masochism is receiving the highest erotic pleasure due to the fact that the partner (sha) causes physical pain. Psychoanalysts believe that children who have undergone internal painful medical interventions are prone to similar manifestations.
Moral masochism - Sigmund Freud introduced this term when he spoke about human behavior that leads to suffering, self-harm and self-devaluation.
In order for us to learn to recognize the traits of moral masochism in ourselves, below you can get acquainted with the portraits of people with similar traits. I want to draw your attention to the fact that the description is grotesque and convex in order to make it easier to consider the topic.
Portraits of masochists
Caring mommy. Everything for my kids. We won't eat, I won't sleep, I won't rest. What should you cook? Quail pretzels? Mango fresh? Only hot and spoonful. And the child - I do not want, I will not. Are the lessons hard? Oh, poor thing - let's do it for you. And the child is more demanding and capricious every day. Now he is over twenty-five, without work, at home playing on the computer day after day. And the mother is, of course, divorced, who will tolerate when the whole focus of life is on the baby. He washes the entrances in the morning, delivers mail in the afternoon. In the evening, he prepares his son to eat for the day. Mom has a lot of diseases, but there is no time to be treated. Occasionally he will drink herbs, but it’s scary to go to the doctor, suddenly this will say that you need to get sick, but what about the baby, will disappear without me.
Hard worker. He longs for a feat that no one will appreciate! Redo, load, make mistakes due to fatigue, replace, work for a penny for years. Promotion? Not this time, but they will definitely notice me, because I try so hard.
Sufferers of love. These are men and women who experience pain and suffering in existing relationships. Those who endure suffer and wait. There are many options for when he (a) becomes free for relationships, stops drinking, hitting, screaming, raping, manipulating. When there is much more sacrifice in a relationship than common sense. When you are ashamed to tell another, and especially close people, how things are in your life in a relationship with a significant other. When there is hope that the other will change. But the masochist does not have the strength to change the script of the relationship. He (a) acts in a usual way to support the existing system. Moreover, suffering takes so much energy that there is no longer the strength to get up and leave the relationship.
Subhumans … How about themselves, these people think looks like this - "I am a pathetic insignificant person", "I am not a woman," not a man "," I am already too old (young), fat (thin), dumb (smart) to … And instead of an ellipsis superstructure (argumentation) why it is impossible, it is impossible to be realized in life.
"Still waters run deep" or what to do if you are in a relationship with a masochist?
If it so happens that you interact with a person with masochistic traits, then get ready for surprises. He (a) will not show dissatisfaction, but will rebel quietly and to himself. He (a) will endure and be offended that you have not guessed. Resentment and anger will build up. And then, instead of a direct outburst of aggression, the masochist will torture you with silence, avoidance. And a particularly sophisticated option, although very common, is to get sick (autoaggression). Yes, so that it does not seem a little. Then you will be tormented by guilt and you will be forced to work, abandoning your plans for the future, only to save another.
The masochist will not give you the opportunity to show love and care at the right time, since they are not inclined to ask for help and support. But the responsibility for the fact that you did not help and did not support will be on you.
What is the threat? A person with masochistic traits will leave you, in revenge for not being understood. Another scenario, in order to somehow "unfreeze" the masochist, another becomes a sadist.
Thus, the masochist becomes a "good" person, and the abuser becomes a "bad" person.
What to do?
I repeat that the above is a kind of exaggeration in order to help the reader understand the topic and get to know himself and others. A person with masochistic traits can allow himself a little experiment - "What if …".
For example, the unspeakable surprise of one girl was caused by a situation when she did not open the doors herself, but paused when a man opened the door for her. She was incredibly surprised that she was seen and she is present in this world.
And what if I tell another about my desires? What if, I demand? What if I leave work on time? I will say to my little child - no.
Of course a special place where you can do something about masochism is the psychotherapist's office.
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