2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I have an idea about the acute experience of difficulties with the baby, especially if he is the first, and I think about it for several days.
It is very difficult to speak out of an accusing context (not in terms of an idea, since there is no blame in thoughts, but at the level of language), since every mother understands that she is an adult, I am next to her - a person who is completely dependent on her. with all his desire he cannot control the mood and state, since he simply lives, directly reacting to this or that.
and then a pattern of this thought appeared - it is about "cooperation" with the baby, about co-existence, about compatibility, about unification in order to survive difficult times, acting together.
I remember how tired I was and how I needed support with my first child, and how I rest now, when I am with one of the four, even if it is a baby. In fact, nothing changes - the children are about the same in terms of sleep / mode, but my attitude has changed - this is true. It is clear that rest is, after all, about loneliness, but the way it was before, when I initially perceived motherhood as a _problem_, _restriction_, _ deprivation_, _complication_ is no longer there.
Of course, when life with a child is perceived as overcoming and waiting, when, finally, he (will hold his head / sit down / crawl / walk / go to the garden / go to school / move to his apartment), then this is life in tension 24 / 7. At some point, the nervous system does not stand up, irritability becomes a permanent background, and the desire to do whatever you want, just not to be alone with the child - more and more often.
Added to this is the experience of guilt from the fact that it is not possible to correspond to your / someone else's chocolate-marmalade ideas of an ideal mother, sleep deprivation, difficulties in meeting your needs, a sharp change in lifestyle, a normative marital crisis (the entire family system is rebuilt by embedding a new member families), exacerbation of their own characterological characteristics due to postpartum asthenia and hormonal changes.
The way out here can be "readjustment" of thoughts to co-existence with the baby. Yes, it sounds simple, but, of course, this is a difficult inner work, since the power of inertial processes and stereotypical patterns is great. But, the road will be mastered by the walking one - the path will be at least a glance in this direction, and then you can lie down and imperceptibly start crawling - and there, at some point, it will be easier and easier to walk along the road of new neural connections.
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