2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
We all had to experience a sense of jealousy for the former more than once. We look through the pages of social networks, find out in different ways how he lives.
We wonder if he is suffering or, God forbid, is already dating someone. It doesn't matter who initiated the breakup - if we find out that the ex is already having a new romance, ambiguous feelings arise within us, even if we do not consider ourselves particularly jealous.
Why is there a feeling of jealousy for a soul mate with whom we are no longer together?
Own
Often the cause of jealousy can be a sense of ownership.
Here I have a certain object, which I count on, I consider it mine, and someone else encroaches on this object, as a result indignation arises "How can you, this is mine!" This feeling is caused by "object" relationships to people or their own egoism. The zone of our "I" includes other objects, people and objects. They act as a value for us, and, therefore, the value of our "EGO" increases.
When we speak of jealousy as property, then most often we perceive the other as a part of ourselves.
I have a favorite chair, which is very dear and important to me. And if I see that some priest wants to sit on my chair, I will be jealous, even greedy.
As for jealousy of former lovers in this case, in the subconscious they remain our property for a long time, which we, not quite consciously, do not want to share with anyone.
Incompleteness in a relationship
When we experience a breakup, feelings in the form of longing, sadness, mental suffering and pain can arise without our will. These are all signals that the relationship has not been completed. When the image of the ex pops up in our head and along with the image some experiences arise, this is a sure sign that you still have feelings for this person.
After parting with a loved one, many of us continued to recall the events associated with this person, moments of intimacy and warmth, quarrels and reconciliation. All events lived together are accumulated in our experience and remain in our memory. When we part, we begin to miss not only this person, but also the time, the feelings that we experienced. As a rule, a lot of good things come to mind and we want to experience it again.
We may not be aware, but our psyche always strives to complete unfinished situations. Without realizing it, we strive to finish the started and unfinished business, they remain in our memory longer than completed ones.
Even "reservations" already in former relationships continue to influence the current ones. This manifests itself in the desire to call the ex / ex, flip through the page of a social network or just write an SMS. And the more incompleteness there were in the relationship, the stronger the desire to return them arises. And, as a result, there is a feeling of jealousy.
Let's imagine that our life is a book that consists of different chapters. Some of them are sad and dramatic, some are warm and romantic. Many are dedicated to the important people of the author of this book. But some chapters just end abruptly, they are unfinished. And you still have an interest in how everything would have ended, what would have happened next? Curiosity plays in us or even unpleasant tension is present.
We continue to write our book, where we try to complete the incompleteness of the previous chapters in the following.
This can interfere with your future relationship, so it's best to finish the chapters.
How to complete?
Ending any close relationship is difficult. After all, as a rule, we part at the peak of strong feelings, we experience pain, anger, hatred.
For a relationship to end, it is important to forgive your ex for the wrongs they have caused. Try to find in your heart a feeling of gratitude for the experience, intimacy, moments of joy and sadness. For what has been done and what has not been done.
When you have a little love in your chest, a little gratitude and light warmth for the fact that this person was on the pages of your life, you will understand that you let him go. And it just doesn't make sense to be jealous.
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