2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
What are the ideal relationships?
It is customary to say that it is not quantity that matters, but quality.
But in life, we often fall into the trap of dreaming of ideal (quality) relationships and expect too much from one person.
There are many wonderful stories about married couples, where people are lovers to each other, and friends, and parents.
Or stories about friends who are always together, and their deeds and values are indestructible for years and above personal interests.
Sometimes such a relationship can even develop with a job or the idea of serving some idea.
From the outside, it may seem that this is an ideal relationship: when we have found a kindred spirit, something that fills life with meaning, with whom, finally, we are not alone, joyfully, protected, everything is clear and no one else is needed.
But in fact, if we are talking about human relations, not only quality is important, but also quantity.
Being in a perfect relationship can be very difficult.
Moreover, both sides.
It is a very big responsibility and work to give so much every day. And it may happen that you are tired or upset, and you have little strength even for yourself. But you cannot rest, because you know how much the other needs you (after all, you are the only one who has).
And in such a relationship, it can be very scary.
After all, you know that if you lose this person or this job, you will actually lose everything.
For example, you part with a loved one and remain isolated: you no longer have anyone to talk to, share important things, or just hug.
Dismissal from such an ideal job can turn out to be like a social death, because all friends, all relationships, all meanings were concentrated in the office and now you simply do not know where to put yourself and what to do with yourself.
You know the saying: "Store eggs in different baskets."
This is very good advice.
You need to be friends with friends, with your spouse - make love and raise children, create something in common with colleagues, exchange news with friends, be children with parents - even if they are 40 years old, and with your own children - be parents.
And then, if you lose your job, for example, then it will be hard for you, of course, but in other areas of your life, all your connections will remain intact.
If a friend left you, then you will be sad, but not crumbled, because you have other people and activities.
The structure of your life will not collapse, because it stands on many pillars - social connections.
Check your life and the relationships you currently have.
Ask yourself:
- Are you satisfied with the existing relationship and is it enough for you?
- Do you often feel scared or lonely?
- Do you have friends of your gender? And the opposite?
- Do you have activities other than work and household chores?
- Do you have someone you can turn to if you need support on an issue that your spouse is best off not knowing about?
- Or vice versa, can you go to your spouse if the matter concerns someone else?
It so happened that we often grow up in philosophy that a loved one should be alone and for life.
This is a beautiful idea, but very risky.
If it so happens that you are left alone now, then the psychologist can be the one who will support you (temporarily)) and help build the supporting structure of your life anew.
And this path will be a wonderful creation with a stable foundation!
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