2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Do not believe when you are told that “both are always to blame for problems”. It is not true.
It so happens that someone is to blame. Because that someone came with a specific plan to use you, hurt you, deceive, take over, subjugate you. And then you are never to blame for being hooked. And there is no secondary benefit in the desire to love and be loved, in the desire to start a family or maintain a relationship, in the need to trust and care.
And it happens that no one is to blame at all. It just happened. It so happened that a sick child was born, that someone suddenly died, breaking plans and earlier promises. It happens that love has passed, or the illusion is dispelled. And this is no one's fault.
It happens that both wanted the best, but it turned out, how it happened. And people rush about, not knowing how to break this vicious circle of obligations and desires, when some contradict others. And they begin to accuse each other of all mortal sins instead of simply taking responsibility for the decisions made.
There is nothing wrong with ending a relationship that is no longer enjoyable. No one is obliged, instead of life, to drag out a miserable existence, lie, dodge and for the hundredth time repeat platitudes that have set the teeth on edge. Yes, there may be certain obligations, but they can be fulfilled without driving yourself into despair. For example, you can raise children after a divorce, and not maintain the illusion of a family for some unknown reason. You can remain decent people in relation to former partners, and not do nasty things and vileness, hiding your own shame and awkwardness. Everything is possible - there would be a desire - the desire to talk, understand and hear each other instead of being offended and blaming.
It may not be your fault what happened. But there is always responsibility - responsibility for what will happen to you next. And this burden cannot be passed on to anyone, no matter how much you want. You and only are responsible for your life, for your happiness and your success. Only you can define goals and ways to achieve them. And remember: there are no rules in life, except those that are invented by you (of course, I'm not talking about observing the Criminal Code, traffic rules and 10 commandments:). Don't live imposed stereotypes. You and only you make decisions that determine the further development of events.
And enough already to hide behind a sore victim blaming. Stop confusing guilt and responsibility. Of course, it's not your fault if a brick fell on your head, but if before that you walked around the construction site without a helmet, then the responsibility for what happened is yours. It is not your fault that you were born into a dysfunctional family, but it is worth learning to take responsibility for the future life. Of course, it's not your fault that you ended up in a relationship with an idiot, but shouldn't it be up to you to decide whether or not to stay in it?
Guilt and responsibility go hand in hand. But, if the feeling of guilt is destructive, then responsibility gives you back control over the situation. "Responsibility" does not only mean that you are "responsible for what is happening." This means that only you can find the "answer" to the question "what's next?" Good luck searching.
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