2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Each of us periodically hears comments from other people in our address. It can be compliments, praise, approval, empathy, or maybe disapproval in its various forms, which in everyday life is often called criticism.
By criticism, I mean negative value judgments about you and your actions. This definition itself suggests that meeting with such statements can cause negative emotions: anger, resentment, resentment, as well as quarrels and conflicts with those people who speak this way.
If you are faced with such situations and you find it difficult to cope with them, I suggest you try an exercise that will help you deal with the situation yourself and maintain stability.
When facing criticism, I suggest you answer the following questions:
1. Who says - is this a competent person or not? Can you rely on the opinion of a person in this matter, competence is based on the facts of his biography?
2. ❓Form or content? What did you dislike - the meaning of the message or its form?
3. ❓What did the speaker want to say? The message you hear may not accurately reflect what the speaker is thinking, sometimes it can be an unsuccessful form of support and assistance.
4. ❓What do I want to do next? Each of us has our usual ways of reacting to criticism, but situations may differ, so based on the previous questions, see how you would like to respond to this comment.
Consider a specific example:
You cook borscht and you were told "you cook borscht incorrectly."
- Whoever speaks - for example, the chef of a large restaurant, in this case, you can tell him that the form of the statement is not suitable for you, but you are interested to hear comments on the cooking process. Or you are told by a person who does not know how to cook, then you can tell him that you are not ready to rely on the comments of a person who is not a pro in this process.
- It is unpleasant for you that a person insulted your cooking process or you, in principle, do not want to be spoken to.
- If you have a desire to maintain contact with a person, you can ask him what he means by such a message - is it a desire to offend or a desire to help and participate in the cooking process
- Do I want to ask the person not to interfere with me, or just change the form of the statement to "I usually do this, what if it helps you."
Based on this short questionnaire, you can find in yourself the intention to stop the speaker ("Don't tell me that, it doesn't work for me"), interrupt the conversation with him or leave the contact, clarify that the form of the conversation does not suit you, but you are ready to hear comments a person in a more suitable form.
Any of the actions will help you not to contain resentment or anger, but to express it. Over time, practice in such an exercise, you will find for yourself the best ways to respond to similar statements.
This scheme helps me to understand what happened and how I react, because in any situation it is important to maintain the ability to protect and control your boundaries and the ability to choose the appropriate reactions for the situation. Try it and tell me if this exercise will help you.
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