2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
There are people who give advice to everyone, they don't ask for it, but they give it out and give it out so generously.. What do you feel about such people? Are you pretending not to hear the advice? Are you saying polite "shut up" to them? Do you heed advice that you did not ask and thank the advisor, taking into account such advice? Did you know that people who are constantly giving advice, thus increase their importance in their own and others' eyes? They feel at this moment that they are great mentors, who know how best to live for you, that is, they feed their narcissism at your expense.
The worst thing is that any advice, of any person, is nothing more than his projection, dictated by his personal life experience, his developmental traumas, his sufferings and joys! Such advice can rather harm your life than help, since this is still someone else's life material, not yours. Nobody can know how you live and what you should do, nobody knows what is right for you and what is wrong. To know this, you need to live your life.
Of course, there are situations when you yourself ask for advice, but nevertheless you must remember that someone else's advice is someone else's projection and nothing more, and by asking for advice, you partly shift the responsibility for your life onto another person. This is partly because you feel like a decision you made yourself might be wrong. But I must assure you that there are no mistakes in life, there is only experience from which you learn a lesson, good or painful, you needed it for something: rather, to gain wisdom, maturity, maturity. And all this a person acquires through the pain of growth.
So what mistakes are you talking about? But I digress a little from the topic of unsolicited advice. Probably each of you met such clever people pouring, as if from a cornucopia, advice, criticism, teachings. Or do you like to do it yourself?.. At the heart of this phenomenon lies a narcissistic trauma associated with the complex of God, with grandeur, greatness, which covers a completely different polarity experienced by the narcissist - a feeling of complete insignificance. Giving advice to the right and left without stopping (such people are rarely slowed down) compensates for deeply wounded pride and self-doubt. But alas! This compensation is "at your expense!"
When giving you advice, the narcissist swells in his own eyes and hopes in yours too! He is not aware of his pain of insignificance, desperately trying to prevent the experience of his own imperfection. And the saddest thing in this scenario is that he does not understand that something is wrong with him, that something is always wrong with you. And this is a very rare guest in the psychologist's office. Because “everything is fine with him”, because he “does not need some kind of psychologist, if he can cope on his own”, because “what new will the psychologist tell him?”: The narcissist knows everything better than any psychologist. And even if such individuals wander into the psychologist's office for one consultation, then usually at parting they say the same phrase, as if under a carbon copy one for all: "Well, you did not tell me anything new, I knew this and so you "is the gold standard of narcissism. As a rule, they leave and little changes in their lives. So, if you notice that someone from your loved ones (or you yourself) cannot live a day without giving advice, this is it - a clear manifestation of narcissistic trauma in a person. Not cured! You can only reduce the intensity of manifestations by increasing awareness, when the narcissist, realizing his need for recognition and admiration, himself can slow down the process of self-aggrandizement, self-praise and begging for praise from others, devaluation of others and dissatisfaction with them.
(c) Yulia Latunenko
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