How To Give And Receive Feedback: The Psychology Of Criticism

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

No matter what we do or how well we do it, critics will eventually get to us. These are some of the most frustrating moments we come across. We'd rather avoid this awkwardness, but one of the fundamental skills of our life is giving and receiving advice, feedback and even criticism.

What happens in our brain when we are criticized:

1. We hate to feel that we are wrong.

2. And it's even harder for us to hear it from others.

Both of these components, as it turned out, have a psychological basis. Our brains view criticism as a threat to our survival. Because our brain protects us, we always feel like we are going in the right direction, even when we are not. Threats to our position in the eyes of others are extremely powerful biological threats, much the same as those necessary for our survival. Therefore, when we look at Maslow's famous hierarchy of needs, we can assume that criticism occupies a rather high position on the pyramid - somewhere in the area of self-esteem or self-actualization (the need for respect and recognition). But since our brains view criticism as the primary threat, it is actually much lower on the pyramid, somewhere in the security realm. Criticism can feel like a real threat to our survival - no wonder it's so hard for us to hear it.

Another feature of our perception of criticism is that we often do not remember it very well. When we hear information that contradicts our self-image, our instinct for self-preservation forces us to change the information, not ourselves. When criticism is received, it may be tempting to put up a defense or "explain" that very criticism. Instead, allow the critic to complete his entire thought and try to listen. Then ask questions and reflect on what you heard. "Let me think about it."

An interesting method "Sandwich with criticism" (when you act as the critic).

One well-known feedback strategy is the criticism sandwich. In a sandwich, you start with praise, solve the problem, and observe it with even more praise. Here are some phrases that will add more positiveness to your feedback, such as “I will love it if …” or “I think you did a great job with…” or “One thing that could make it even better…” And let's try do not react painfully to criticism.) After all, if we do not make mistakes, or if no one tells us that we were mistaken, then how can we understand that now - yes, I did everything right).