How To Deal With Bullying?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I know what it is like to be on both sides of the barricades: both from the side of the poisoner and from the side of the victim. In addition, for professional reasons, I encounter similar situations quite often. In each situation, the approach is certainly different, unique, but there are similar features / directions, which I will try to briefly express.

What are the origins of the question and what are the possibilities for resolving it?

Of course, there are many nuances, and there can be a lot of options for resolving your particular situation, but the essence of the phenomenon is always the same, I will try to convey it.

What is important to understand at the very beginning, in situations of bullying (also called the term bullying), the matter is, of course, always reciprocal. It makes no sense to look for reasons apart, on one side in isolation from the other. Both sides are attracted to each other like a magnet, in both sides there is a charge, which was expressed by a similar situation - there would be no attraction, the situation itself would not arise. It is important to realize this at the very first step, and if this understanding is not there or there is an obvious resistance to this proposal, it is too early to move on.

But despite the presence of both parties, first of all, I consider the victim's situation, since questions and discomfort and attempts to resolve the situation in most cases come from the side of the person being bullied: how to resolve the situation itself and your own discomfort to the person being bullied, how to do it a person so that the situation is resolved? And here, with the exception of some fortunate coincidences of circumstances, the exit vector is always the same.

FIRST

It is necessary to realize that it touches, always that with which you are struggling, only that you are trying with all your might from everyone and first of all from yourself to hide / hide. It hurts what you don't want to admit to yourself, what you struggle with internally. If they call me skinny or bespectacled and (now! ATTENTION !, the most important point) it hurts - after all, it can easily not hurt - then it is necessary first of all to realize what exactly hurts me, and then to figure out what to do with it. And for each specific case it can be something different.

One is offended that he is called thin, while the other is, on the contrary, happy (an abstract example, but the direction is correct). Realizing what touches, you need to remove your own charge from what touches. Every child, like any person, if something hurts, then it is always something specific: one hurts, and the other does not. It is necessary to find this and realize what exactly hurts, to discover the essence of what annoys / enrages / touches the most.

SECOND

Then you need to remove the charge from this.

This is not always easy, most likely you need the help of a good specialist or a very sensitive parent, but this is how it works not for 5 minutes or even for 5 years - for life.

I won't be able to describe exactly how to do this in a few words; unfortunately, there is no such possibility. Here interaction with a specialist is necessary, contact is necessary.

THIRD

After the charge is removed, if the inner struggle is no longer there, or even if it breaks through, it is realized. So you want to continue - you don't want to, but you will have to face the usual attacks for some time, which for a short time may turn out to be more sophisticated and cunning, but if the one who is not being attacked has an internal charge of protest, then the attacker becomes uninteresting.

This is a 100% verified working fact that has helped more than one person in similar situations (and works regardless of age). The attacker really stops being interested in attacking only when it does not cause the expected reaction. And we worked with the expected reaction in the previous step, removing the charge - removing the very inner urge to respond.

We removed the inner emotional charge of resistance, the urge to fight from the victim. And then magic happens: with someone who not only outside, but also inside himself does not experience vivid emotions of resistance and protest, it is not interesting to fight. Playing football with someone who does not support the game: does not play by the rules or against the rules is not interesting. It is the same in any other games, including games involving bullying.

If parents want to resolve the issue of bullying (bullying) not only in a specific situation, but in a holistic manner, then helping the child alone is not enough - this can resolve a specific situation, but it would be more valuable to come up with a comprehensive approach and work with a specialist on their own, because I guarantee 99% if at least one parent is familiar with the real resolution of such issues, without aggression, without suppression and without radical measures, then the child can easily get out of bullying, and rather, even with such a child, it does not come to bullying.

Therefore, for parents who are faced with a similar situation and who want to help their child, I can advise: send the child to a specialist and resolve your situation, and then seek help yourself. Adults need to realize that all the emotional problems of a child are always in one way or another connected with you, with what is in you. A child is always your reflection, a direct reflection of what, often, you are not aware of in yourself.

As a result of the bullying topic:

- It always hurts what you resist and if the child does not realize this now, then, without allowing, the child will drag it into his life further. Therefore, firstly, it is necessary to realize what resistance is. Secondly, remove the emotional charge from this by constructively changing your own attitude to it. And comrades adults, please do not worry, a child is not just able to do this, but much easier than an "adult".

- For adults, the topic is also very relevant, because often unworked bullying from childhood in slightly different forms can easily continue at work or in the family: you can be more or less cruelly made fun of, teased, poked at you, and you seem to have already reconciled and learned. " to not pay attention". But this attitude does not work - in any case, it is not easy for you and the situation requires your participation and permission.

- After removing the charge, it is important to "endure the storm", since the attacks will not stop instantly at the wave of a magic wand, they will certainly come to naught, but gradually. The attackers will try to habitually play their favorite game with you, causing the usual reaction on your part, and if the attacker does not have this reaction, the attackers will try to increase the pressure. And if the game does not happen here, the attacker must give up and go to "play" in another place.

- Observe yourself and in the same way, either on your own or after working with a specialist, to really resolve your "charges". This will help you become the coolest helper, a shoulder for your child in this and many other situations.

This is the general strategy, in which, of course, there are many nuances and subtleties that a specialist knows about. I hope this information was useful to you. She cannot resolve the issue, what she can is to push you to the right steps.

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