2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Bullying, bullying, abuse permeate human relationships.
To become a victim of bullying, it is enough to stand out against the background of the group, your society and not have enough resources to defend against attacks.
Bullying is done primarily to restore a sense of self-worth.
Passive bystanders, like passive smokers, are also under the destructive pressure of the situation.
Bullying is a social phenomenon, it is treated in the same way - by group interaction.
The best thing to do in a bullying situation is not to take on the projections that fly towards you, but to go to people for support.
Difficulty 1: a person caught in a bullying situation usually already has a reduced resource of external or self-support. Long-term bullying exacerbates this condition and then going to people can be quite difficult, since the level of trust in these very people is greatly reduced. So the person is isolated, thereby often provoking an escalation. Anxiety disorders, depression, PTSD and other "delights", unfortunately, can be the result of such isolation.
Difficulty 2: others can respond to a story about violence in very different ways, for example, they can sadistically react to their bullying trauma, that is, join the attackers, or become psychologically uninvolved in the story, renounce, reject indifference.
From the observations of working in a group with the topic of bullying and violence: there is always at least one participant who absolutely does not find sympathy for the victim's story, takes the role of the rapist, justifying his actions. The responses of group members can range from sincere sympathy and anger towards the offenders, shame, disgust, to intense anger at the victim as the one who perpetrated the violence.
At first, it is very important that a person who finds himself in the role of a victim is able to choose for himself as support precisely those who are able to experience compassion for him.
Often, a person who has committed violence against him is not interested in this in any way, but does not have enough resources to resist attacks. Accusing the victim of the opposite in most cases sounds like an attack, often appearing in a hidden form.
Being in powerlessness or even helplessness, a person needs, first of all, not to get angry, but to support, sympathy and acceptance of his experiences, a story in the form in which he can do it. It is difficult to choose a beautiful shape when you feel very bad and all your strength is spent just staying close to others and continuing to open up, when all your experience says "run and don't trust." It is difficult to hear edifying and shameful speeches about what the wrong form is in your complaint and that it is more spiteful than really plaintive, or that of course you feel bad, but take the trouble to understand, otherwise we are too lazy to understand you, etc., etc. …
When someone is actively listening to your story and can be with you, not strong, not ideal and broken, the feeling of your own normality, the right to be, and your own dignity returns. Bullying deprives a person of subjectivity. Assistance in its recovery is essential.
After receiving genuine support, it can be much easier to get angry. When you're lying on the floor and the crowd kicks you, it's hard to be strong and fight back. First you need to get up, dust yourself off and exhale, and then weep and cry. Doing this with support is much easier than doing it yourself. Of course, it is better not to lose support at all under your feet. But life is complex and develops in different ways. Few people, after living through multiple crises that can roll anyone into the asphalt, will so briskly argue that you just need to fight back on time and everything will be ok. It will turn out to be angry only after at least partial recovery. Anger in this place is an important resource. When you are attacked, allowing yourself not only to be frightened, but also to be angry, means becoming able to protect yourself. This often simply means surviving.
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