2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
This article might not have happened if it were not for the applications of parents, who are concerned that something similar might happen to their children.
Bullying - This is school bullying that takes place in places where there are no teachers and where students are not at all protected. Such places include: dining room, toilets, corridors, changing rooms, stairs. School bullying affects girls and boys alike.
Bullying, as a phenomenon, contains four elements that are different from simple aggression directed at a particular student. This is:
- an imbalance of forces (as a rule, the negative energy of a certain group of people is directed at one person, therefore the forces in this "fight" are not equal);
- duration in time. Bullying is a situation that lasts more than 5-6 months. The regularity of aggressive manifestations also matters;
- intentionality. Bullying cannot be called a situation when a student is accidentally pushed on the stairs, accidentally doused with juice in the dining room. As a rule, the actions of the aggressors in this situation are aimed at a specific person with the aim of causing harm - both physical and psychological;
- different emotional responses of bullying victims. This means that victims of bullying experience a range of feelings - from guilt and shame and powerlessness in the face of the situation to anger and self-destructive behavior.
Bullying can manifest itself in completely different variations: verbal aggression (or verbal bullying), physical bullying, racist comments, threats, taking money away, rumors, gossip, sexual comments, computer bullying (bullying on the Internet).
The main point of bullying is not related to the feelings of anger among the aggressors, but is to control those around them. And, as strange as it may sound, in receiving a "reward" (imaginary pleasure and approval from a "support group"). Such children tend to have a positive attitude towards violence, often violate the rules and boundaries of others, are impulsive and lack empathy for the victim. They do not have warm and trusting relationships with their parents in the family, control by parents is reduced, there are too severe punishments, or these punishments are not systematic. At first glance, it may seem that children who engage in bullying are loners with low self-esteem. But this is not the case. These are children with average, or even high self-esteem, who have support from other students based on fear (“I'd rather side with the aggressor than there would be ten people against me who would hound me just like him”).
Bullying has a social contagion mechanism. Those children who previously reacted sharply to the bullying that happened next to them, after some time got used to it and no longer paid attention to the victim. Moreover, many children began to look at the victim as a weakling who could not fight back and believed that he deserved it. This can reduce the level of empathy towards the victim, contribute to an increase in the level of aggression towards her.
The main danger for victims is that they do not always seek support from adults, closing even more in their pain and powerlessness. This happens for two reasons. The first is fear. Such children believe that if they attract the attention of adults in this situation, the bullying will be even more. And the second reason, even more dangerous, is that the child thinks that it is his own fault, that he is treated this way. Faced with rejection for a long time, the child ceases to believe in himself and his strength, does not feel belonging to a peer group (and this is very important in adolescence), is depressed and increasingly thinks about suicide. Avoid this, and remember that every child can be bullied, not just those with a victimization tendency.
What are the first things parents need to pay attention to?
- Changes in the child's behavior. He became more withdrawn, restrained, secretive, stopped telling you about his life, his friends, hobbies. There is also another extreme. The child became more impulsive, unrestrained, aggressive, rude. Some parents overlook this second option, citing the adolescent crisis.
- Decreased academic performance at school and in other places where the child goes (sports sections, classes with tutors, music school), memory impairment, attention, distraction.
- Frequent illnesses. Sometimes the pain from what is happening is so strong that the body cannot cope with the situation and this seriously undermines health.
- Decreased self-esteem. This can be seen in the words of the child, when he begins to say in different situations: “I will not succeed”, “I cannot”, “I don’t believe that I can”, “I don’t want to make efforts …”.
- Avoiding reality. A child who used to walk often, invited friends home, more and more often begins to close in his room, communicate with virtual friends, play computer games, that is, with all his might to escape from the reality that he has in life.
- Use of psychoactive substances.
If you notice one or more of the signs in your child, do not postpone having a frank conversation. Create an atmosphere in the family in which the child would be ready to open up. Perhaps the reason for his poor performance or the change in behavior is in something else, but it is important for you to understand what is really happening to the child. Be close, but willing to provide help and support.
If your child is being bullied:
- Teach your child not to emotionally react to bullying, because emotions fuel their aggression and contribute to an even greater manifestation of bullying;
- Teach your child to attract observers to his side in such situations;
- teach him how to defend his boundaries. It can be like a verbal answer: "Stop!", "Stop!" with a confident voice, and direct withdrawal from the situation. Most victims stay in the situation without trying to get away;
- help your child find support from friends and rely on them when he is at school;
- Teach a child to take power away from the aggressors: "So what?", "Next what?", "For what purpose did you tell me this?";
- find unusual and unexpected answers to different situations happening to your child. This may be some kind of paradoxical answer, or an answer in the language of humor, but this answer will help knock the ground out from under the Buller's feet.
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