2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
10 quotes from a famous psychologist
Eric Berne is the author of the famous concept of scenario programming and game theory. They are based on transactional analysis, which is now being studied all over the world.
Bern is sure that the life of every person is programmed until the age of five, and then we all live according to this scenario.
In our material, a selection of quotes from this outstanding psychologist on how our brain is programmed.
1. Scenario is a gradually unfolding life plan, which is formed in early childhood, mainly under the influence of parents. This psychological impulse with great force pushes a person forward, towards his destiny, and very often regardless of his resistance or free choice.
2. In the first two years, the child's behavior and thoughts are programmed mainly by the mother. This program forms the initial skeleton of his script, the “primary protocol” as to who he should be, that is, whether he should be a “hammer” or “a hard place”.
3. When the child turns six, his life plan is ready. This was well known by the priests and teachers of the Middle Ages, who said: "Leave me a child until the age of six, and then take it back." A good preschool teacher can even anticipate what kind of life awaits a child, whether he will be happy or unhappy, whether he will be a winner or a failure.
4. The plan for the future is drawn up mainly according to family instructions. Some of the most important points can be discovered quite quickly, already in the first conversation, when the therapist asks: "What did your parents tell you about life when you were little?"
5. From each instruction, in whatever indirect form it may be formulated, the child tries to extract its imperative nucleus. This is how he programs his life plan. We call this programming because the influence of the direction becomes permanent.
The child perceives the wishes of the parents as a command, as such it can remain for the whole of his life, if some dramatic upheaval or event does not happen in it. Only big experiences, such as war, or love disapproved by his parents can give him instant release.
Observations show that either psychotherapy can also give relief, but much more slowly.
The death of a parent does not always remove the spell. On the contrary, in most cases it makes him stronger.
6. More often than not, children's decisions, rather than conscious planning in adulthood, determine the fate of a person.
Whatever they think or say about their life, it often seems that some powerful attraction makes them strive somewhere, very often not at all in accordance with what is written in their autobiographies or work books.
Those who want to make money lose it, while others become uncontrollably rich. Those who claim to seek love only arouse hatred even in those who love them.
7. In a person's life, the scenario outcome is predicted, prescribed by the parents, but it will be invalid until it is accepted by the child.
Of course, acceptance is not accompanied by fanfare and a solemn procession, but nevertheless, one day a child may declare this with all possible frankness: “When I grow up, I will be the same as Mommy” (which corresponds to: “I will marry and have the same number of children ") Or" When I get big, I will be like a dad "(which may correspond to:" I will be killed in the war. ").
8. Programming is mostly negative. Parents fill their children's heads with restrictions. But sometimes they give permission.
Prohibitions make it difficult to adapt to circumstances (they are inadequate), while permissions provide freedom of choice.
Permits do not get the child into trouble unless they are coerced. A true permit is a simple “can,” like a fishing license. Nobody forces the boy to fish. He wants - he catches, he wants - not and goes with fishing rods when he likes and when circumstances permit.
9. Permission has nothing to do with permissive education. The most important permissions are permissions to love, to change, to successfully cope with our tasks. A person with such permission is immediately visible, as well as one who is bound by all sorts of prohibitions. ("He was, of course, allowed to think," "She was allowed to be beautiful," "They were allowed to rejoice.")
10. It should be emphasized again: to be beautiful (as well as to be successful) is not a matter of anatomy, but of parental permission. Anatomy, of course, affects the prettiness of the face, but only in response to the smile of the father or mother can the daughter's face blossom with real beauty.
If parents saw in their son a stupid, weak and awkward child, and in their daughter - an ugly and stupid girl, then they will be so.
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