2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Most people are familiar with the unpleasant feeling when they have to refuse someone a request. At the same time, the refusing person feels awkward, although he does nothing wrong.
The origins of guilt feelings
How often parents teach their children to sacrifice their interests for the sake of the team, to help everyone who needs help. At the same time, people do not think that with such methods of upbringing they cultivate in their child a feeling of guilt that arises every time he is forced to refuse someone. A small child is told: “Give the girl a toy! What do you feel sorry for? And the baby holds out his beloved teddy bear, although he really does not want to do this. But if he doesn’t share, then it will turn out to be bad and greedy. As an adult, he cannot refuse to lend money, take a friend to the dacha early Saturday morning, etc.
Another reason why we are afraid to say “no” to an uncomfortable request for us is the fear that a relative or acquaintance will be offended and stop communicating with us. In such a situation, you need to imagine yourself in the place of the supplicant. Will you stop communicating with the person who refused your request for an objective reason? Probably not. Therefore, there is no need to invent non-existent features for others. Most likely, they will also calmly accept your refusal.
How to say no correctly
If you refuse someone a request, you need to do it correctly, but convincingly, so that the person understands that you really cannot help him. There are effective ways to quit to avoid feeling guilty:
1. Give yourself the right to refuse. Your time, your problems and your desires are equally valuable. If you are uncomfortable with the request, you have every right to refuse.
2. Explain the reason. When you just say no, the petitioner may think you don't care about their problems. Do not hesitate to tell why you cannot: you have no money, time, do not feel well, etc. It is important that the explanation does not turn into an excuse.
3. Suggest an alternative … If you are unable to fulfill the request on the terms of the applicant, suggest another option. For example: "I can't help you with your term paper, but you can take my notes." Or: "I can't take you in a car today, but I have the phone of a very cheap taxi." In this case, your friend will be satisfied, and your guilt will not wake up.
4. Don't be ashamed to talk about feelings. … Refusing the interlocutor, do not hesitate to inform him that you cannot fulfill the request for some personal, subjective reason. You have a right to your feelings and experiences. If the request makes you feel uncomfortable, you must refuse.
5. Separate words from person … By saying no, you are denying the request, not your friend or colleague. This does not mean at all that you treat him badly or wish bad things. Refusal only means that at the moment you do not have the resources to satisfy the request.
6. Don't overestimate the importance of rejection. If you refuse to help, the world will not collapse, and this person will surely find another way to solve his problem.
7 don't make excuses … Hectic apologies and endless excuses will make the other person feel that you are at fault. Remember that you have the right to dispose of your own life as you see fit.
Using these methods, you can refuse without feeling guilty.
If you fail on your own, then a psychologist's consultation will help you!
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