"You Want, But You Are Silent ". The Projective Identification Trap

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

People who use magical thinking may believe they are endowed with the ability to read minds. They can confidently say, "I know what you are thinking right now."

In fact, there is nothing magical about mind reading.

What does the ability to "read minds" consist of?

1. From verbal and non-verbal signals sent by a person

Recently, a colleague and I reviewed his clinical case (consent to publication was obtained). The client's behavior caused a confusion in himself and he had difficulty testing reality. In his words: "I myself am not completely sure whether these are my projections, or the client's projections. She interprets any of my actions as the fact that I fell in love with her, I want sex with her. Although a little earlier I was almost convinced that she had developed an erotic transference and she passes off her feelings as mine."

My colleague and I began to analyze the facts for what could be said about the client's crush on him, which the client herself denied.

Immediately, some facts were found that speak of her manipulation: several times the client offered to give her psychologist a ride home, become friends, once offered to hold a consultation in a cafe, then asked about his marital status, attitude to cycling, said that this sport is her favorite, I could come to the session in a tight-fitting short dress without underwear … The attempts of a colleague to clarify what is behind these proposals and questions came across the girl's mocking words: "Yes, I just suggested, I just asked …" and so on.

Then she began to sabotage psychotherapy, skipping sessions. Attempts by a colleague to clarify what was the matter came across either rudeness or ambiguous hints.

Since my colleague is a psychologist with little experience, this behavior of the client upset him greatly, he lost heart, he wanted to give up everything.

After analyzing his behavior, we also found errors that could support the client's pattern, namely: once during therapy, a psychologist said that he was lonely, he wanted to go to a bar and have a drink with some girl.

The last session ended with the client's words: "Admit already that you want me."

In the words of a colleague: "And it’s true, I’m not sure anymore that I don’t want to."

The analysis of this clinical case made it possible to draw a conclusion about mutual projective identification.

2. So, mind reading, in addition to analyzing verbal and non-verbal signals, consists of projective identification

Projective identification, in turn, consists of introjection and projection. During introjection, a person, like a sponge, absorbs parts of the interlocutor's "I", there is a partial or complete merging with him.

So, for example, from many clients I hear the phrase: "You are like me." This primary customer loyalty prompts us to find commonalities in our thinking and even our way of life. The belief of clients that we are similar leads to the belief: "If we are similar, then we think the same." This is where projection comes into play. The client may begin to attribute his own thoughts and motivations to me. For example, if a client feels angry, he begins to think that I also feel angry, etc.

With projective identification, the client is not only convinced that the psychologist feels anger towards him, but also begins to provoke her, for example, to say something that can potentially cause aggression. If the psychologist does not control himself well enough, then he will begin to actually experience aggression, becoming a victim of projective identification. Seeing aggression, the client receives confirmation of his innocence.

This is why the psychologist must be able to maintain a connection with reality throughout psychotherapy in order to be able to differentiate his real feelings and state from the feelings and state of the client. Projective identification is highly contagious. If it is not monitored and worked out, then the objectivity of the analysis and self-control are lost. And therapy turns into a banal acting out of the feelings of the psychologist and the client, i.e. the relationship ceases to be therapeutic and becomes personal.

The fact that my colleague mentioned his desire to have a drink with some girl already speaks of a loss of control over his emotions. This statement could cause the client's projection that the psychologist hints that it would be nice for them to have a drink together, and then projective identification - the client's attempts to provoke the psychologist into further rapprochement, even if the psychologist did not initially think of getting closer to the client. In turn, the client's projective identification, her desire to have sex with a psychologist, offers to give a ride and, ultimately, the demand to admit that he is sexually attracted to her, in fact provoked a situation when, confused in his feelings, a psychologist, began to feel an interest in the client of a non-professional nature, which prompted him to seek help in order to avoid further falling into this trap.